Yeah, well, whatever. My parents gave me good manners, a drive to academic excellence, and an interest in politics. They also gave me a truly pathetic overwork/burnout complex and fear of self-reliance, not to mention forcing me into terrifying social situations I wasn’t ready for until age 15 and presuming this made me mentally ill. I have had repetitive, severe bouts of depression since age 16 which I attribute to continuing to live in their home. I can’t wait to get out of here.
Permissive parents aren’t a bed of roses, but neither are manipulative control-freaks who are terrified if you don’t come out the way they expect.
I’ve been giving a lot of though to this lately (we’re talking about starting a family), and it seems to me that both types of parents are afraid of their kids (in different ways).
The permissive ones are afraid their kids won’t like them, and the manipulative ones are afraid their kids will reflect badly on them. My mother was the second type, and she didn’t (still doesn’t) understand boundaries. I think that the first type doesn’t understand boundaries either, although I can’t quite figure out how.
Hang in there, Matt. It’s a truism, and you’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again: YOU are the only one whose expectations you have to meet.