The hell happened to this thread?
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=96550
Right after I tip to the fact that they are going to take over the world, it ends.
I’ll have someone climbing down my chimney, all right. It ain’t gonna be a fat guy in a red suit, it will be a couple of those athletic elves in black leather with IR goggles and Uzis.
Maybe they’ve already gotten to the others…I’m posting with a laptop from a phone booth in the Tahlequah, OK bus station.
Wish me well.
David Vincent has nothing on me.
Why didn’t you post to that thread?
It might seem that you might require the services of the infamous Black Op Elves. These pointy-eared operatives can squirrel out any known factiod or obscure information, as well as more traditional defense jobs. A local cell of these fellows went rogue not long ago, and they ought to be able to help you, particularly since loyalist Elves seem to be stalking you…
But I’ve said too much already.
You’ll pay for your slander.
Read the other thread.
We’re wise to your plan.
The truth is out there!
Well, you know towards the end he was getting pretty fat. I guess if he fell on you he could certainly kill you.
Oh sorry, it says “Killer Elves”! I thought it was “Killer Elvis”! Never mind.
I ask for witness protection, they send a comedian.
Remember to tip your waitstaff, I’ll be here all week, thank you!
That’s funny Mac, you’re a laugh riot.
You think I can go to the cops and tell them that Santa’s Little Helpers are coming down my chimney with silenced Lugers and pistol grip pumps? Hell, not even Uncle Beer would believe me, and I hear he’s seen some weird shit.
I’m screwed, man.
Carnivorousplant, are you familiar with the saying “you reap what you sow”? If you’d only been nicer to us, all this unpleasantness could have been avoided. You can’t say the elves are planning world domination and not expect coal in your stocking…not that we use coal much any more.
I have to leave now.
There are strange people eyeing my phone booth.
Argyle socks, zip boots and golfing knickers.
They keep their ears covered. Of course they are elves.
They have golf bags; I can see a sniper rifle among the putters, drivers and irons.
I must find aha. He is humankinds last, best hope.
Last I heard eye was doing lead vocals for the Dan Blocker Singers in a bar in Norman.
I’ll try and post tomorrow.
Damn you, Elves. You go to hell and die.
I had no time to preview. I clicked “Submit Reply” and fled the shelter of my phone booth.
A dash to the taxi stand, and a dipsomanic cab driver took me to Norman for two of the stolen magic beans.
I’m still curious about your hatred of elves. Were you raised in a home that fostered prejudice towards them, or was it one little bad experience with one that caused you to generalize your ill will towards them?
While there are members of a fringe group who may or may not have the nefarious plans that you insist are afoot(I’ve heard they’re really trying to take over Wal-Mart, not the world, but someone misinterpreted “Wally-World” to be just the world.) that’s not what most elves are like. Some are gentle and loving. Others get drunk and rob Toys 'R Us stores. Still others have prominent acting careers. A few are even members of congress.
Since it is almost Christmas, and all elves regardless of their occupations hold this time of year dear, maybe if you issued an apology to the elves you maligned, they’ll leave you in peace. Leaving out some leather for them wouldn’t hurt, either.
Ha! Pedophiles!
The plot thickens!
Today the North Pole (Wal-Mart, what ever) tomorrow the world!
You nasty elves can’t talk your way out of this!
More and more humans know about your plot!
There was a lump of coal outside the motel room this morning…I have to keep moving…
Fine. You know what? I hope they get you. I don’t have time for this, I need to go work with the little human children now <evil laugh> I tried to help you salvage the situation, but…the unrepentant belong on the Naughty list.
I have seized control of the only satellite that transmits television signals to the North Pole.
Nothing but Golden Girls re-reuns.
Bea Arthur. Ha!
Take that, you nasty elves! The iron clad pointy toed shoe is on the other foot!
“And if you threw a party,
invited everyone you knew
you would see
the biggest gift would be from me
and the card attached would say
thank you for being a friend.”
I don’t know about the elves further north, but the Golden Girls is the only reason I watch Lifetime AKA “The Women in Peril” network. If I were you, I wouldn’t pat myself on the back quite yet.
See? Betty White even made my list http://www.geocities.com/theevilwriter/women.html of enviable women.