Kirk Cameron's nipples

Watching Big Brother tonight (you’ve seen Joe, right?) got me to thinking about an old topic…

Can anyone verify once and for all whether Kirk Cameron’s nipples have ever been photographed? It seems like we examined this question back in ancient times, possibly before there was a Cafe Society. Best as I recall, there was a consensus of agreement but no authoritative declaration.

Now that we have all these pop culture experts from practically every era, someone would surely have been a fan of his back in his idol days. We already know about both instances with the Karate Gee — on the show and in the magazine. But he very carefully and deliberately kept the hems pulled together.

Definitely bonus points if you can tell us why he was so nipple-shy.

Um, whatever you’re taking, cut the dosage by half.

Oh, I think Liberal’s been told that enough times that if he were ever going to consider doing it, he’d have done so by now. I’d hate to think Liberal is anything like this while sober. :smiley:

But while I agree that Kirk Cameron’s nipples are a sight largely unseen, I reckon there are probably other celebrities whose nipples are equally hard to come by. Or perhaps just hard. Am I alone in wondering whether Kirk even has nipples and if not, whether it serves as some insight into why he’s a psychotic quasireligious zealot roaming the evangelical landscape, illegitimizing Christianity with every opportunity he gets? Perhaps at the apex of his perversely warped logic, he had the prophetic revelation that only women need nipples to nurse children, so he and Ray Comfort therefore shaved and/or cut theirs off?

Finally someone has the guts to ask the most important question of our era.

I’ve seen them - they’re shaped like bananas and fit the hand exactly.

Thread’s over, you win. :slight_smile:

So the poster who started the thread has 30,000+ posts, and the guy with the definitive banana nipple answer has almost 30,000 posts.

Makes me wanna get out of here before it’s too late.

It’s already too late. Stay in your home. Do not attempt to leave.

Um…that’s not a nipple.

Why do you say quasireligious? Are there reasons to doubt his sincerity?

This reminds me of two things:

First, from Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, the middle of the film, with Graham Chapman dressed as a… woman. He/She is looking for his/her fishie. “Fishie, fishie, fishie! Oh where can my fishie be?” If you look closely at his getup, the bustier he’s wearing has spigots where the nipples would be. The spigots are kind of banana-like.

Second, a *Kids in the Hall * skit with Scott Thompson playing a husband, and Kevin McDonald playing his wife. Thompson demands to know why wifey won’t pay any attention to his nipples. She’s embarrassed by the question and avoids answering, but he persists. Finally, mortified, she confesses that she won’t touch them because he… he… he peees through them! For your information, he tells her, I pee through my penis! She frantically rinses her mouth. Get it? There’s kind of a nipple-penis confusion there. Ha ha!

Does Kirk have an explanation for why God gave him nipples in the first place?

Maybe when he switched back out of Dudley Moore’s body, his nipples got Left Behind?

No, his sincerity isn’t the issue. In his deluded mind he’s as sincere as could be. He’s quasireligious because anyone with more then two brain cells to rub together actually considers his so-called ministry to be anything resembling what a ministry is really supposed to be. He is genuinely psychotic because he’s actually a very good speaker, though listening to him speak is a glimpse into insanity. I’ve never heard anything that has come out of his partner-in-crime Ray Comfort’s mouth that wasn’t a complete strawman argument, either.

It’s particularly fun to listen to Kirk mockingly suggest that Darwin’s theory of evolution is defunct because there is no “transitional fossil record” of ducks with crocodile heads and no frogs with the horns of a bull. Truly, he has a solid interpretation of what it means to evolve. I wonder if there are any psychovangelists with cow udders instead of nipples …

anamnesis- funny stuff!

Care to explain what you mean? I know Kirk Cameron is a Christian evangelist. What makes him “psychotic”?

Sure, I’ll explain … check Youtube for videos of Kirk Cameron, then check Wikipedia for a primer on psychosis.

Because a lot of folks think he’s creepy.

Putting aside the question of why they think he is creepy, how does thinking someone is creepy = “psychotic”?

I have. He’s evangelizing. Explain how that makes him “psychotic”.