Kissing and the "kissing noise"

Last night, I pursed my lips, touched them to my girlfriend’s cheek, but didn’t make the requisite noise (I was thinking about how to describe the noise, but couldn’t come up with a good word - squeak? squeal? - and figured you intelligent folk would know what I meant anyway). I did it again. I did it a third time. She pulled away and wiped her cheek, finding it quite unalluring.

The purpose for this exercise was in the nature of science, of course. I wanted to know if I could kiss without making the noise, and to discover what it would be like. I found it to be rather unsatisfying, even before she pulled away.

Why is the kissing noise such a requisite part of the kiss, such that it seems to bestow the status of “a kiss” upon the touching of pursed lips to something? Truly, in the absense of the kissing noise, it no longer seems like a kiss at all!

You’re absolutely right. My 20-month-old son doesn’t make the smooch noise yet when he kisses me on the cheek. And it does seem more icky that way.

Also, consider that you don’t make the noise when you’re open-mouth kissing.

Ah, but the kissing noise follows upon withdrawing from the Open-mouth Kiss. Rather than simply detach my mouth from her face like Soyuz pulling away from the International Space Station, the Open-mouth Kiss tends to downgrade to a Standard Kiss before disengagement. Of course, the Standard Kiss is typically accompanied by the requisite kissing noise.

My husband occasionally gives me the fake kiss…the partially open mouth, no movement, no sound. It’s fake and I call him on it regularly.

It’s really starting to worry me.

I hired a midget to toot a bike horn whenever me and my lady companion(s) liplock. Y’know, taking the road less traveled, and all.


That’s, um, not a bike horn.