Kitty Haikus

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
Elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere
Will find in morning

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then –
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds –
Your foot just squashed one

You’re always typing.
Well, let’s see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What’s a ‘term paper’?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don’t leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don’t even think about it!
My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp …

Cats meow out of angst
“Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!”

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I’ll crap in the sink.

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for “Cup Hockey”

We’re almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?

2

I get in your way.
you try to walk down the stairs
can I use more room?

creep between your legs
I slither like a big snake
maybe you will fall?

smug as I can be
I laugh at your misfortunes
you think I’m so dumb.

3

This food is no good
Get me some fresh tuna fish
I’ll puke it later

How dare you complain
When I don’t want to make friends?
You cut my balls off

No I won’t get up
Go sit on that wobbly stool
All that’s yours is mine

It once was a couch
Clean, hairless, serene, intact
Now my legacy

4

You cause me to sneeze
You make my nose get runny
Yet, I must pet you!

slackergirl’s two cats
One allowed me to pet him
The other? He hissed

I know a tabby
He’s “Battleship Oliver”
Fattest cat alive

5

Wings arc over sand
Orville’s dreams leapt heavenward
at kitty haik-u

6

I bless you with me
Quit moving you foolish thing
Or I’ll go elsewhere

Licking my anus
Something all cats like to do
Who needs that paper?

Wondrous newspaper
Not done reading? I need sleep
Finish it later

Remember, human
I am center of cosmos
Ignore other cats

I soak up sunlight
A paragon of physics
The solar kitty

7

Sun-lit windowsill.
Yawn, stretch, curl up in a ball.
This is a cat’s life.
Evil ones attack!
Invasion of the dust specks!
Run. Run for your lives!
Her fingers type fast.
Must catch fingers while she types.
Let me help you type.
Feed me. Feed me. Now.
Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Now.
Feed me. Feed me. Now.
Where do I sleep today?
On her chest? or feet? or face?
Decisions are tough.
I sleep next to her.
Roll over and push her off.
The whole bed is mine.

8

Look in a dog’s eyes,
And you’ll see love. In a cat’s,
Amused tolerance.

Spread the newspaper
On the floor; turn your back, and
They come sprawl on it.

Why do they do it?
Cats can’t read, and don’t want you
To do it either.

Cats are like roses:
Soft, but equipped with weapons.
(Roses smell better.)

Two best friends, sleeping…
THEN YOWL! TUSSLE! HISS! CLAW! “Whew.”
“Let’s lick each other.”

A cat’s day, or porn?
It could describe either one.
Both are fun to watch.

9

What is this “belt” thing?
Holy shit! It’s a big snake!
I must leap sideways!

Why won’t you pet me?
You’re going to walk past me
Unless I trip you.

Cat and dog at road
Cat watching cars: “I’ll make it.”
Dog: “They’ll stop for you.”

I must follow you
to the bathroom. I need love.
Noooooowww. Noooowwww. Nooooowwww. Nooooooowww. Noooooooowww.

10

Hello small lizard.
Bat. Whap. Pounce. Bite. Chew. Gulp. Hack.
Poor small half-lizard.
Asleep on the shelf.
I roll over and fall off.
I meant to do that.
Your brand-new sweater
Would look better with my hair.
Look: faux Angora.
Your brand-new black skirt
Looks better with my light hairs
Skirt matches sweater.
You bought cashmere pants.
Expensive. I will sleep here.
Now you own catmere.

11

In old Egypt, gods
In Salem, Mass., corruptors
Today, haughty friends

Lovely cat-litter
I must spread it beyond box
Cat’s little acre

Grand things, my whiskers
Nighttime navigation tool
A regal radar

High vantage needed
The good hunter is prepared
Tin-foil wildebeest

Hiding behind glass
Birds, racecars, Moe, Ted Koppell
I CAN’T GET TO THEM!!!

12

Sleepy time; curled up
Black cat and cream cat as one
Yin and yang in fur