Klingon Ahporisms

You cannot criticize a man until you walk a mile in his boots, slaying his foes.

Blood is thicker than water, but honor can make it as thin as the wind.

A good woman is a good woman, but a good bat’lith is a weapon.

Food is best when it wriggles.

You can lead a horse to water, but a targ must first be stunned and eviscerated.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. With a side of gagh and some bloodwine, if you’ve got any.

And a hot-fudge sundae.

Some days you get Kirk. Other days, Kirk gets you. No, on second thought, Kirk always gets you; especially when his shirt is ripped.

Today is a good day to die, but tomorrow will be even better.

joH’a’ ‘oH wIj DevwI’ jIH DIchDaq Hutlh pagh
Translation via: Universal Translator Assistant

To Die gloriously in battle is the only way for a Klingon to die.


Until you stalk and overrun, you can’t devour anyone.

OK, so that is a tiger aphorism from Calvin and Hobbes. It was the best I could come up with.

The inspirartion for the OP! K’plah!

“Only the brave deserve the fierce.” – Klingon romantic proverb

Always remember: pillage first, then burn.

In Klingon Empire, bumpy forehead hates you!

If at first you don’t succed then kill yourself as you have dishonoured your family name and disgraced yourself!

He who hesitates is impaled.

Many hands make the killing go faster.

It is better to curse the darkness than to light a candle and reveal your position to your enemies.

People who live in glass houses make easy targets.

Children should be trained to kill a man with their teeth, not heard.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, proclaim it loudly as a challenge to lethal combat.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies dead.

Do unto others first.


Never bring a sword to a phaser fight, but if you do, die gloriously!

There are two kinds of Klingons, and if anything more is said of the matter, I will fight you to the death!

A brave man dies but once. A coward dies a thousand deaths, all of them slow, now that we have the Agonizer perfected!

Ah the smell of Blaster burns in the morning, it smells like victory!!


Only a fool fights in a burning house.
Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man.

Only a fool fights in a burning house

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die.

Today is a good day for someone else to die.

It is good to die for the Empire. It is better to make the other guy die for his empire.

Today is Tuesday. You know what that means? Anything can happen day.

Peace: a short pause between wars for enemy identification.–Clemens Kirchner

The body of a dead enemy always smells sweet.–Aulus Vitellius (15–69 A.D.), Roman Emperor

Bibamus, moriendum est. (Let’s drink, death is inevitable.)–Seneca the Elder (ca. 55 B.C.–37 A.D.)

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. --Dave Barry, U.S. humorist

We will burn that bridge when we come to it.–Nick Gorski

It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.–Alfred Adler (1870-1937), psychologist

Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie!” till you can find a rock.–Wynn Catlin

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.–Terry Pratchett (1948–), British sci-fi author, Jingo

An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.–Konrad Adenauer (1876–1967), West German chancellor

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.–George Carlin, (1937–), U.S. comedian

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.–Terry Pratchett

There are so many ways of us dying it’s astonishing any of us choose old age.–Beryl Bainbridge, (1934–), English novelist

Do not taunt Happy Fun Klingon. :smiley:

A fool and his head, and his limbs, and his lungs, and his heart, and his liver, and his spleen, and his eyes, and his brains, and his nose, and his ears, are soon parted.

A picture of your enemies’ gruesome death is worth a thousand words.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away; aim for the head.

The early bird gets the worm. The early hunter gets the bird.

You can lead a horse to water and dunk its head in 'til it drinks.

Please excuse the hijack, but who the heck is Nick Gorski? I first heard the line about bridge burning on Jimmy Buffett’s 1984 album, “Riddles in the Sand”, which contains a song called, “Burn that Bridge” and which has the following refrain:

… And we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it
Parrotthead link

I’m not saying my man Jimmy originated that line, but he’s got a better claim to it than Nick Gorski.

Hijack over. Resume the Klingonese.