Klingon Fairy Tales

Sleeping Beauty

A wicked Queen, Snow White, disguises herself and tricks Snow White into eating a poisonous apple. Snow White falls into a deep sleep but is awakened by a kiss from a handsome Prince. She then hunts down and confronts the wicked Queen.

“No true Queen would use disguises and trickery against her enemies. You are without honor.”

Snow White then kills the wicked Queen and uses the magic mirror to spy on the Federation.

Snow White, Sleeping Beauty.

Whatever.

Fairy Tale characters who change their name in mid tale are not honorable!

Neither is mangling fairy tale plots.

Snow White = eating poisoned apple puts gal to sleep
Sleeping Beauty = castle is enchanted so everyone within sleeps

Once, on a Good Day to Die, there lived a poor Boy named Jahk of the House of Rketa.

Though sinewy and cunning, skilled and strong, young Jahk grew to deplorable poverty when His father fell in battle, when the Scourge of Tribble-Spawn had eaten all the edibles in the outpost, so that the chattel starved and the land was stripped bare of grain, and the Klingon warriors there fell to cannibalism to survive. It was a death without honor.

On this day Jahk was charged with the task of selling his mother’s chattel, when he happened upon a Ferengi Woman, who filled his young mind with tales of wealth and adventure, and gave him three beans of Unusual Properties she said would help him Find these things, which Jahk presented to his mother.

The Ferengi told lies. There was no wealth, nor adventure. Swindled by the Ferengi Woman, Jahk was beaten within an inch of his life by his mother, who forsweared him as Fool That He Was and left him to lick his wounds, like a human dog.

The beans were discarded. But a curious thing Did happen in the night.

The Ferengi woman had spoken true. And lo, there was a Skystalk laden with beans, reaching high into the heavens into Realms Beyond. What adventure lay beyond this new horizons? Jahk endeavored to find out, and set thought to deed, taking with him three things as he climbed:

His wits.

His father’s bat’leth.

His training and skill as a young warrior.

(Okay, this is taking too long. I want to jump to the end. So… yadda yadda yadda, Jahk kicked the giant’s ass. Let’s continue!)

Thus having bested the Giant in combat, he ere endeavored to make good his escape with the latinum. Thus revealed was the folly in his actions, for he left the Giant alive. As Kahless has admonished, “A foe Wounded and Aggrevied by an Upstart is more a Threat than one without the Madness for Revenge.”

The giant stood and sprang after Jahk! His footsteps were like thunder! His bellow of foul fury would root in fear the even a phallanx of Jem’haddar!

But fearful Jahk was not.

(Okaaaaay, I’m doing it again. Yadda yadda yadda, the giant was dead.)

This Jahk did descend the beanstalk with the plundered riches, and he set fire to the Skystalk.

And his family’s honor’s was restored

And an Opera was commissioned in His Name, which is sung to this day.

Thus Glory was restored to The House Of Rketa.

It was a Good Day to Die.

One planetary revolution there was a young female named Little Red Riding Hood. She set out from her outpost to deliver a basket of tribute to the stronghold of her clan-matriarch. But along her way she encountered a large sentient carnivore. The carnivore was too cowardly to engage Little Red Riding Hood in combat, but instead infiltrated the stronghold of the clan-matriarch and devoured her. When Little Red Riding Hood came to the stronghold the carnivore was inside dressed in the armor of the clan-matriarch. When Little Red Riding Hood saw this, she drew her bat’leth and said, “You are without Honor and I will slay you where you stand”. She severed the spinal column of the carnivore with one swipe and returned to her outpost with its head as a trophy.