Kool-Aid Man is refreshed

Kool-Aid is unveiling a new look for its big red mascot Monday…

Pardon me, but has anyone here felt that their life was diminished because they couldn’t form a meaningful relationship with Kool-Aid Man? He smashes thirst. End of message.

It’s a drink mix and it’s as well known as Jell-O, Oreos and Kleenex. Can’t advertisers just stick to facts instead of wasting our time with smoke and mirrors? Tell me how cheap is is in comparison to pre-flavored water, tell me how many flavors you have, let me know something about how it’s packaged.

Wonder how much M&Ms sales went up after they anthropomorphized them with CGI?

I have never wondered what Kool-Aid man does when he isn’t smashing through walls. There are no blanks in his life that I need filled. Besides, drinking the kool-aid is a real danger zone for them to avoid. Was he in a cult? A cult leader? What?

Picture.

Oh, yeah.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to start an urban legend that the change was precipitated because an impressionable young boy tried to crash through a brick wall just like his soft drink idol, and his parents sued Kraft for all of the money and won.

Oh yeah, I heard about that case too!

Is this true?

I read it on the internet from two different sources.

Too bad that the Human Torch wasn’t there to save the kid.

I’ll go one further and say the whole charm of the character was the lack of depth.

“I’m thirsty!”
CRASH
“OH YEAAHHH!”
(Hands out Kool-Aid ((which everyone pronounces koo-laid for some reason)))
“Thanks Koo-Laid man!”
(Waves goodbye)

fade out.

The brevity is what keeps him from being creepy.

I can’t believe that in this day and age, and what with First Lady “Stop Being a Fattie” Michelle Obamas’ campaign against fatties, that a company would use an obese beverage pitcher to promote their sugary drink. For shame.

And people wonder why other nations look down on the US.

I always felt that the Kool-Aid Man was really trying too hard to be popular. I mean, crashing through walls? Who does that? He’s never just invited to the kids’ parties. They only call him when they’re thirsty or coming off a sugar high or just want to see walls knocked down.

I’m looking forward to learning more about his back story. Was he always a wall-crasher, or what led him down that path? I’m betting it has to do with his complicated relationship with his parents, NeHi and Moxie.

Yanno what I could go for?

A nice Hawaiian Punch.

Sure!

BOOM!

Well, there was his early childhood when he was a sippy cup. Then when he was in the army and was a canteen; then when he went through that phase where he explored his sexuality (what with having no genatalia, he stopped being a pitcher and was a catcher); then that time he was in the hospital and was an IV bag; and finally when he grew old and had to have a colostomy bag on his side and an oxygen tank pushing bubbles through him like a hookah. But it’s been a good life.

Going to slide this over to Cafe Society since it’s primarily talking about Kool Aid and things associated with it.

I heard it was neck and neck between CGI and this guy.
At least they ditched the denim dungarees:

Just had to link to this.

And this.

And this.