There have been numerous threads about Valentine’s Day lately. I thought I’d take the time to tell you all about how this holiday works in another country. Honestly, I didn’t make this stuff up…
[li]Valentine’s Day (Red Day)[/li][List]
[li]February 14th[/li][li]For Couples: The woman gives the man a gift of chocolate. Sweet romantic times are enjoyed by both.[/li][li]For Singles: Lonely men dream wistfully that a passing acquantance / high school friend / mobile phone saleslady will show up and present them with boxes of Pepero.[/li][li]For Homosexuals: Lesbians both have to get gifts for their partners; Gay Men get an early reminder that they have to buy a gift for next month…[/li][/ul]
[li]March 14th[/li][li]For Couples: The man gives the woman a gift of candy. Both partners confirm their mutual love and adoration.[/li][li]For Singles: Lonely women wait at home hoping in vain that the phone will ring. Lots of tear-drenched hankies.[/li][li]For Homosexuals: Gay Men present each other with gifts.[/li][/ul]
[li]April 14th[/li][li]For Couples: Absolutely nothing.[/li][li]For Singles: Lonely people of both sexes get together with their lonely single friends and order noodles with black bean paste (jjajang-myon) from a Chinese restaurant. They get to complain and whine about not having a significant other.[/li][li]For Homosexuals: If part of a couple, nothing. If single, at least they can try to pick up someone at the jjajang party…[/li][/ul]
[li]May 14th[/li][li]For Singles Only: Go to an Indian restaurant and order curry rice. Try to locate another desperate, single person of the preferred gender. On this day, desperate single people may be identified most easily by what they are eating.[/li][/ul]
[li]June 14th[/li][li]For Singles: If you’re still single, lonely, desperate and sad, after five months worth of romantic failure, this is the proper day on which to drink poison and die.[/li][li]For Couples: Make some smart-alecky remark that you’re glad you don’t have to drink poison today. Reaffirm the bonds of love.[/li][li]Note: This day is called Blue Day because that’s supposed to be the color of the poison. I guess Cyan Day wasn’t catchy enough.[/li][/ul]
After reading this, I hope that you’re all glad that in the west we have only one such day to celebrate. And maybe you’ll walk away thinking that Valentine’s Day is a little less hateful for it all.