News flash: I’ve given notice at my job, and one of my co-workers, a very Orthodox Jew, has offered to throw me a goodbye party at her house. I thought it was very sweet of her, because she has way too much on her plate – a full-time job, two teenage kids, all the community duties that come with being the wife of an Orthodox rabbi, and running a strictly observant household.
Normally this sort of event would be potluck, but potluck in a kosher household with mostly goyim in attendance can be complicated, to say the least. For some reason, many of my colleagues see the hostess as unapproachable because of her degree of religious observance, so I’m sure I will be fielding all sorts of questions from co-workers about what is/isn’t appropriate to bring/how it’s appropriate to dress/should they shake her husband’s hand, etc. We’ve worked together for several years now and developed a pretty decent personal relationship – she’s had me to her house for holidays and such (although I wish I could reciprocate, but of course I don’t keep a kosher kitchen, so she can’t eat at my place).
Having been raised Jewish, I have a general idea of how to answer these questions, but my family is about as Reform as they come, so we are talking about orders of magnitude more detail and precision than anything I have a clue about. Lots of people are going to ask what they should bring, and there are only so many bouquets of flowers one household can handle. On the other hand, there are things that I know, but always forget that other people don’t necessarily know (if you are female, don’t shake her husband’s hand, etc.) So could you observant folks help me come up with a sort of “Jew FAQ” for my co-workers, and maybe some ideas for potluck contributions/hostess gifts?
If you want to bring food your best bet is to ask her whether she’ll be serving meat-based dishes or dairy-based dishes then ask her if she can recommand a deli or resturant that has the proper rabbinical certification. Then you can get a take-out dish and bring it to the party. Alternativly you could bring a bottle of kosher wine.
Personally, I think it would be inappropriate to bring a potluck dish to a party being held in my honor, but I plan to give the hostess a copy of a Jewish cookbook of mine that she has borrowed a couple of times and admired.
I should also mention that the neighborhood where most of the Orthodox Jews around here live is not very centrally located, and the party is on a Saturday night, so it will be problematic for people to get there beforehand (many are urban dwellers without cars, and of course anyplace that does Kosher takeout isn’t going to be open during the day on Saturday) to pick anything up. I predict there will be many bottles of kosher wine bought at various mass-market liquor stores.
Though I suppose one can never have too many bottles of wine, can you guys think of anything else? Or any other code-of-conduct-type issues?
Women should be modestly dressed. Sleeves to the elbows at least, collarbones covered. Skirts would be preferrable (below the knee), but loose slacks will probably do as well. No tight jeans. Men should also dress modestly (no shorts, tank tops, etc., although I don’t think that that’s much of a problem in November).
Don’t bring any food items unless they are certified kosher by a nationally certified agency (such as the OU, Chaf-K, Star-K, OK, etc.) Uncut whole fruit is also acceptable. Do not bring wine, even kosher wine if you want it consumed at the party.
Flowers, etc. are certainly acceptable.
Do not attempt to shake hands with members of the opposite sex unless offered.
Don’t ask us how we gained control of the media, banks, governments, etc.
If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask here or email me.
Why not? What do you mean? Not to bring wine at all, even if it’s kosher, or just not to plan on what you bring being consumed that night? (This would probably be the easiest thing for most people to do.)
Darnit - my new job is actually with a bank, and I had such ambitious career plans!
Because there are prohibitions concerning drinking wine that was handled by a non-Jew once it was opened, even if the wine is otherwise kosher. If you want to give them a present for them to enjoy by themselves some other time, then by all means, feel free to bring a kosher wine.
Hmmmm…that would work, or I can think of another alternative - having the hosts (or the couple of other Jews who should be in attendance) play bartender. Would that work?
I remember reading that the rule about wine handled by non-Jews applies only to wine, not to other alcoholic beverages. Apparently, this includes handling at any time in the manufacturing process or after the bottle has been opened. According to this site, the rules about wine are strict because of its ceremonial role, and the rules about handling of wine arose because of its role in idolatrous worship. The site also says that wine that has been pasteurized (mevushal) is not included in the rules about handling by non-Jews since boiling wine renders it unfit for ceremonial use. I’m not sure if this would make it appropriate to drink at a party, though.
Alcoholic beverages other than wine seem to generally be kosher according to this list, unless they’re made from wine or contain meat or dairy ingredients. AFAIK the handling restrictions don’t apply but I’m not really sure if it would appropriate, especially if the liquor isn’t certified. (It looks like many alcoholic beverages are kosher even though they aren’t certified, but it might be awkward to give someone a bottle of something if they won’t be sure they can drink it.)
