We’ll be having so much sex that we can power our cars by burning aborted fetuses.
In fact, auto makers will be adding a dashbord device to perform abortions, that will double as a car vac!
Esperanto? I think not. Practice your French, everyone. Wait, I mean, Tout le monde, pratiquez votre français! Straight white men better practice extra hard, because you’ll be required to use it in your twice-daily self-criticism sessions.
Of course, Hispanics and Native Americans will be exempt from this requirement, as they aleady have their own languages. And look for an Englsh Last constitutional amendment to be rushed through Congress. (Along with the compulsory flag burning and Bible burning amendments).
In a further gesture towards minorities, you will be seeing large stone slabs erected outside courthouses, saying (in Arabic), “There is no god but Allah, and Muhammad is his prophet.”
I’m just happy that we’ll finally have history months for Latinos, Arabs, East Asians, Australian Aborigines, Khoisan people, American Indians, Andamanese Islanders, Eskimo-Aleut peoples, Laplanders, New Guineans, and Pygmies. Now we won’t have to cover irrelevant dead white people in school at all anymore!
And everyone make sure to buy a kinara before December this year. Christmas will be outlawed, and observation of Kwanzaa will now be mandatory. It’s time to stop oppressing our dark-skinned sisters and brothers and start oppressing Christians. By the same token, tobacco is to be outlawed, and marijuana use will be enforced by means of weekly urine tests.
GAH! You people are making my teeth hurt! Will you all stop using that… that… NAME? Can’t we just call it Happy Holiday Time?
Excalibre, Bill Clinton [sub]His name be praised[/sub] supports your call (at least) for a Lapdancer History Month.
Given that “orchid” comes from the word for testicles, I deeply resent the patriarchal implications of your statement. Please report to the re-education camp.
Why, it’s the glorious day of our goddess!
Don’t forget about the animal feedings. All eigth month aborted white white male fetuses will be ground up and used to feed wild animals.
No, no! We might spread Mad Human Disease to our animal friends.
The fetuses must be burned for fuel. The Ford Fetus is already rolling off the production lines.
Oh, yes. No more death penalty. Criminals will be sentenced to meditation rooms, until such time as they can articulate the details of their crime and their remorse for committing it. Then they will be released.
The FCC’s new duties will be to fine shows that don’t have enough explicit sex, nudity, profanity and sensitivity toward our minorities. Also, breaking up media monopolies. A “monopoly” being redefined as an organization that owns more than one media outlet!
Raise taxes - repeal the repeal of the estate tax - but tax them 100%. The top income tax bracket needs to go back where it belongs - 70%+
Don’t forget that we must change all the money to eradicate references to that Western-oriented male deity figure, as well as purge all mention of Him in public spaces. Anyone found to be referring to said deity will be sent the re-education camp and atheist summer camp for kids.
That and put swear words and sex in prime time network slots and we can call it a day!
Not just eradicating references: money will be altered to read “THERE IS NO GOD.”
And instead of George Washington on the dollar bill, the picture will be Janet Jackson with her boob out.