You know, there’s probably money to be made if someone could patent a device that would allow you to choke yourself just enough to get yourself off – but not enough to off yourself.
And Billy Mays could market it.
And we all wish he would demonstrate it.
HI, I’M BILLY MA…AAGGHHRRRWWW
Now how much would you pay?
Wouldn’t it be “hanged fu”?
A blood pressure cuff might be the ticket. You’d have to adjust the timing, but my recent stint in the hospital reminded me that those automatic ones are VERY tight, and eventually they let go.
are you horny and looking for new ways to get off? I’m billy mays for the choke and stroke, a revolutionary new product…
Considering the probable circumstances…
What a gift for someone you don’t like, with a certain spring removed, a strategic rivet drilled out, or an important bolt partially sawn through. Maybe I can get a discount on buying in quantity.
Gotta wonder though. What’s the last thing you think of when you’re about to die doing something that stupid and embarassing?
“Man, I hope nobody finds out about this…”
Wait, what?! David Carradine played Woody Guthrie?! I didn’t even know about that film, and I love Kung Fu, Kill Bill & pretty much every song Woody Guthrie sang.
Anyway, I’m proposing a toast, to the man who - amongst other achievements - made a mediocre TV action series into something mesmerizing. Cheers
I remember reading an insurance case in law school in which the insurance company refused to pay out, arguing that it was suicide and thus a breach of the coverage terms. The court ruled otherwise, finding that the circumstances indicated it was AEA gone awry, and that there was no evidence that the decedent intended to end his own life.
But yeah, I can imagine some families would rather accept the denial of coverage than litigate and risk having the sordid details hit the papers.
“Fuck! Who’s gonna hide my porn??!!”
Not in these circumstances. They’ll gawk like there’s no tomorrow at traffic-accident victims. And they love their horror movies, which predominate in the Thai film industry. But they do not want to come across dead tied-up naked white men while alone. You watch, there’ll be rumors the hotel is cursed now, especially if anyone remembers that previous grisly incident I mentioned.
Meanwhile, the Thais, always eager to improve their English, have learned a handy new term: Auto-eroticism. It’s being splashed all through the Thai media. They’re all giggling like schoolchildren about it, too. I doubt David Carradine has entertained this many people since Kill Bill.
The English-language media has been pretty blunt, too. The local English-language daily The Nation was quite straightforward with “rope tied around his neck and penis.” I see they’ve changed that to “sexual organ” but with no mention of his neck: “His body was naked and his sexual organ was tied by a rope.” See here.
And I like this one for the headline: “Pornthip says Carradine might accidentally die during auto-eroticism attempt.” Sounds like she’s predicting it! Hmmmm. I wonder about the date of this story. Maybe it was a death threat. (Pornthip, pronounced “porn tip,” is a common girl’s name. Very appropriate in this case, I think.)
All sorts of rumors are running rampant about the incident, that his hands were also tied, and of strange foortprints on his bed.
They flew his body home last night (Friday night).
Say what? Bar girl prints, rats, elephants, vampire bat prints?
Personally, I think they were ninja footprints.
Obviously, the bedding is not rice paper.
That’s cold, man, cold. 
This sucks. Really sucks.
Oops! Actually, that’s pronounced “pawn tip.” But we farangs (Westerners) routinely say “porn tip” without even thinking about it.