Well, I don’t know you and all, but if you’re serious about
stalking Esprix, we should start talking about bribes to be
let into the house. The dog’s not too fond of strangers,
but she’d do anything for Auntie Esprix (especially for
those who want to do things to Auntie
Esprix… Bwa-ha-ha…).
JOhn. 
You know, that just about sums it up.
Boo Hiss!
I rushed in here seeing you were the last poster thinking “Ohhhh! Link to DTF pictures!!!” only to find out it’s not. 
Ya big tease! 
How do you know?
Well, I’m going to be stalking from Florida, and I’m all about minimum effort. Still, you seem nice. I could probably send you a candy bar or something.
First off, the quotes will be along in a while.
Now, then:
Coldie-Spiney-LA-Dope, what can I say? We laughed, we cried…we got really really drunk, we got a visit from the LAPD, we ate enormous omelets, we broke a limo.
My arrival was marked by the incredible timing of Javamaven, calling to see if I needed a ride, literally, 10 seconds after I stepped outside the doors of LAX baggage claim. What a gal!
The Friday night festivities were already under way when I arrived, but I’d like think that I was able to kick them up a notch when, of course, I introduced some Stroh to the party. What can I say, it’s ambrosia that must be shared. Shayna, the complete master of DopeFest planning, scored many more points with the pizza selection. Garlic-meatball, spinach-artichoke, mushroom so thick you can’t see the cheese…yeah, these were tasty pies. I think we had enough garlic bread to keep our party stuffed for the entire weekend, same with the salad.
I’m only going the comment on one person from the Days Inn party: Fran is so cute, I want a little action-figure version of her to put on my dash-board! Actually, it could probably be life-sized, she’s that teeny-tiny and adorable, I’m telling you.
Back at the Ramada, the consumption continued, people were stripped to their boxers, noise levels were exceeded and cops were not amused with attempts at drunken reasoning, people were stuffed into giant planters and rolled across the patio, parties moved from room to room and parking lot to patio, porn was viewed and everyone piled into MrC’s room.
Finally deciding to get some sleep, I went to bed at 4:30 (7:30 by my body-clock) but alas, I was rooming with WeirdDave who snored like a world-class…I don’t know, something really loud. Silo (my other roomie) and I kept asking, every couple of minutes, “You still up?” “Yeah.” All I can say is that if that is what I sounded like before my tonsil-surgery, I don’t know how anyone every slept with me more than once! Damn, I must be doing something right.
Up at 8:30, four hours sleep and it’s Saturday morning, breakfast at CJ’s with the giant omelets and perfect bacon…yum. What followed was what is professionally called a miscommunication, but we’ll stick with the informal and call it a clusterfuck. Some folks ended up going one way, others, myself included, shot down to Venice Beach for some sight-seeing and a leisurely stroll. Shayna picked a place to eat and we were treated to a hilarious impromptu street comedian. Following people around mimicking them, tickling them with feathers, standing around like a piece of art then jumping out at them…it was good stuff. A special thanks to JustPlainBrian for shuttling a bunch of us around, especially since it went something like “Hi, nice to meet you, wanna drive?”
Yet more lounging at the motel an it was time to think about getting ready, so I kilted up. Special thanks to Nen for being the first man to every get a face-full of my nuts (the tea-bag.) That’ll learn ya for trying to sneak up-the-kilt pictures, you walking A|X ad!
<skipping ahead>
At the restaurant, I wass amazed to meet really-old-timers that knew me! Melin for one. Too cool. Stoid, as expected was a terrible monster…oh, wait, no she wasn’t. She’s actually quite a dear and very nice to speak with, which is actually about what I expected, so I’m really glad she showed up. Jab and I didn’t get to talk too much, but you could tell he was just waiting to go clubbing and start dancing on the bar! Esprix totally ignored me, barely even noticed my kilt (and legs under it) so I guess I might as well stay straight. Scotti, aka: the kissing bandit was the doll I remembered, as was Mauv, who has hair I just want to play in for days like a squirrel. I think the word to describe Heloise is “stunning.” Yet another person I didn’t get to speak with too much (there were so many people there, it was staggering!) I want to have katiekilldares child, or at least practice a whole lot- her smile is amazing. Sue Duhnym was kind enough to offer up her breasts as examples of mammary perfection (“They’re real…go ahead, touch them.” OMG! They’re real and they’re fabulous.) Between her amazing eyes and the fact that she just all-around rocks, I think I’m smitten. Really. I hope I got everyone to sign my shirt, on it’s fifth DopeFest and looking good, if I do say so.
Geez, I keep bouncing around all the things that happened that night, it’s hard to put them into any sort of order or fully describe them, ‘course, that might have to do with the fact that I emptied another bottle of Stroh this weekend with the help of a few new converts (I even stained the sink with it! Good stuff.)
Okay, so we’re back at the motel in Nymy, Nen & seadivers room and we’re all drinking chocolate martinis or something and having a generally good time, but that’s about all I remember of that, save that there was a whole slew of people blocking the balcony that I had to high-step over (in my kilt) every time I wanted to head downstairs. It had to have been some sort of conspiracy.
Next thing I know, a bunch of us are in Joeys room watching Hate [sub]: A Comedy[/sub] and absolutely cracking up. That was too, too funny. Suddenly, a limo showed up and a couple/11 of us were off to a club. Any club. An hour-and-a-half later, we broke the damn thing and we were, well, we were not at a club. Sue handled it perfectly and I think that was when I knew I wanted to do bad, sweaty things to her. Being ever intrepid, we managed to find a bar and took the place over, even though we couldn’t drink outside. After essentially closing that place down, we began the daunting task of finding a cab back. Nymy and Morph, it’s too bad y’all took off on your own, it was an…interesting time. Two cabs, both leaving from the same place and heading to the same place. One stops for the people in it to pee, the other doesn’t. One ends up with a $90 fare, the other, the one I was in thankfully, only had a $57 fare (though we gave the guy $85, effectively tipping the shit out of him.)
So, I’m not sure what happened next, but a very select few of us wandered down to the beach where we got to be amused by Joey for quite some time. He built a fortress, defeated the Pacific and was all-together rather engrossing. I’m sure he’s really terribly introverted and this is all some elaborate fas-cade. By the time we get back to the motel, Silo is being escorted to another hotel by three (!) women…well, two women and one jail term (she was 17, right?) Either way, I gave my room to WeirdDave and found a quieter place…heh. Did anyone sleep in their own room Saturday? I think it was 6:30-ish when I got to sleep.
Up at 10, three-and-a-half hours sleep. CJ’s again and people began with the departing, though not until we had taken over the sidewalk in front of CJ’s for the better part of an hour. T’was fun and relaxing and if anyone is looking for a personal fitness trainer who is the current world record-holder for squat-dead-lift or something and is also a mother of five, I know just the place for you. If anyone else is looking for a freakishly strange statue of a chef, I know where you can find one of those, too.
Again, too much happened to try to put into pixels, so I’ll skip to the drive North with the ever helpful slackergirl, who gives great road-trip. She’s also quite the tour guide, pointing out such sights as the biggest pile of manure I’ve ever seen and more cows than you can shake a stick at. I have to add that she is also unerring with directions and deposited me at my buddies place on 5[sup]th[/sup] and Lake with a minimum of hassle. Quite a dear, thanks again.
I’m in Reno until Thursday, which gives me just enough time to shoot back to Louisville then back home in time for OhDope. As always, I had a terrific time and though I know I’ve not mentioned so many of y’all, I enjoyed meeting or seeing again each and every one.
Some random thoughts and stuff:
Sue looks in-freakin-credible in a towel.
The Joey Hemlock pornatorium.
Jodi rocks.
Silver, you don’t have to try to be sneaky with the undressing, just ask…oh, you did. Hmmm.
Merc is the shiz-inbambiggity-nit! I want to be him when I grow up. Take care of that bottle, m’man!
Where the hell is Sundance?!
Joey beat-boxing and playing in the ocean
Sue, in the limo “Where the fuck are you going…is your blinker on?! Are you drunk!”
The walk past Casa del Shayna.
Gonna have to keep an eye out for Edwardina, she’s a little-bit alright!
Boli didn’t freeze her ass off, I stole it and have it in a little bag in my luggage.
No chocolate shakes to be found.
Joey, Monster, Silver, Boli and myself: the last of the late-night beach-crew.
Demo and Psy blown up at airport? Did anyone figure out wtf the guy at the motel was talking about?!
Oh, yeah! It was good to meet Coldfire and Spiney Norman, too.
A special shout out to the other two hard-corps members of the DopeFest Trifecta[sup]™[/sup] crew, Quix and** Porc,**. Everyone else, you know you’re envious.
[Cartman]I love you guys![/Cartman]
Some random thoughts about DTF…
I was having a great time with Joey Hemlock and MrCynical in the airport parking lot. I am madly in love with the both of them. My boobs were on Joey’s head within minutes, and he loved it. 
Every person coming off the bus was possibly Kyla…black, white, Asian, male…it didn’t matter. “Does she have a Chinese baby? No? Is she a Chinese baby? Is Kyla that big black guy? How about the guy in the cowboy hat? Is that Kyla?”
On the way to the motel, we were all treated to a MrC ‘FUCK YOU’ in traffic. Impressive. I spent the rest of the weekend trying not to piss him off.
Joey kept sticking his finger in my ear.
I am totally in love with Fran and Alex. I wanted to go home with them. Lovely, funny wonderful people.
SeaDiver is beautiful and funny. It was a pleasure meeting her.
Sliver Fire has an Amazing Technicolor Dream Blanket. She rocks!
I have one roll of film that I think is all Monster104. I love him too.
Sassy gave me a whistle…It was the coolest thing too…I said “I wish I had a whistle” and -BAM- Sassy gave me a whistle. I wonder what would have happened if I wished for something else! Sassy also paid for breakfast…Thank you!
Mercutio is awesome. He blinded Monster with my camera after Monster humped him on my bed.
Monster104, Silver Fire, Mercutio, Caldazar and me had an absolute blast on Sunday. It was like chat, only real.
I saw thinksnow in his boxers. I saw thinksnow without his boxers. Woo! Well, to be truthful, he was only exposed for a few seconds…but I saw it! And now I know why all the girls love him (cause he’s a cool guy).
Nen is so fucking cool. Love him too.
Pricciar is so damn funny. He killed me damn near everytime I talked to him. I’m still giggling over “Why are there berries in there…what’s he making?”
There are so many people I wish I had been able to spend more time with, like Mauvaise, Scotti, Sassy, malk, Demo & psy, Nymmy, porc and katie.
Saturday afternoon, Joey and I walked all the way to City Hall to get married, and then I remembered I was already married. Oh well…next time, Joey. He bought me a bottle of water instead, and he also found out I don’t like Tic-Tacs because they look like little teeth.
Joey Hemlock: “I’m Crazy Bomb guy! I have a bomb and I’m crazy!” LOL…try that one on the plane Joey.
I’m sorry if I left anyone out…I’m still not thinking clearly. I’ll probably post again later.
I love you guys!
Question -
Friday night, after I had more than a few, someone mentioned flying into Salt lake City (not Coldie and Spiny flying over. I DO remember that converstation). They either told me they had already passed through or they have an upcoming layover. We talked about meeting up or how we could have met up had we known. For the life of me I don’t remember who or what.
Anyway, if that person is reading this please e-mail me so we can meet for a drink or supper or sumthin.
Reading this thread it looks like there were a few of you I missed the pleasure of meeting. Crap, I guess it is impossible to spend quality time with 60+ people in such a short period of time.
We need a Part II.
Well, I’m convinced. Let’s have another straight away!
And did I miss Shayna in all this? Has she posted yet?
stoid
[sub]Throws a kiss to ** thinksnow **, pinches ** Esprix ** [/sub]
Who shows up to NYC dopefests? I’m looking for a good excuse…
two more notables i forgot:
Nymysys: Nymsy love, it was an absolute pleasure finally meeting you…you seem to float like a cloud the way you carry yourself ;·). And yes, i DO think you’re nice…hell you talked to me, and sat near me.
Anamorphic: Ahh yes, that picture of you i took will fit in nicely with my um…“shrine” [sub]altar of obsession[/sub] :·). I really liked talking to you. And you’re one of the “never moved once while living at home” crew, so much props for that. Pictures do not do you justice, man :·).
I really need a digital camera. Scanning pictures is such a chore. I’ll try to get mine developed and scanned ASAP. But, dont hold your breath for instant gratification!
Oh and many thanks for all those who complimented me on all the work i’ve been doing at the gym. It really is paying off (whipping my ass into shape has been well worth it)! Just think, in another year i’ll look totally different :·).
sigh
I guess you don’t remember the part where you promised me a complimentary hotel romm in SLC, free booze and hot sex with you and 3 of your best gal pals either. Damn the luck, damn it!
Hm, you’re all about minimum effort, and I’m all about making Esprix’s live as… as… “Colorful and Amusing” as possible. ding, ding, ding!!! I think we have a match!
JOhn.
You know, you bitch about me, but you haven’t kicked me out yet…
Esprix
Damn you, next thing you’ll be revealing that I actually asked you back to live with us…
JOhn.
So, since thomasm and I were unable (nay, not unwilling) to attend the L.A. DopetoberFest, what would it take to lure everyone to Sunny San Diego? And how soon should we plan something?
JOhn.
Hey, guys! Sounds like y’all had a great time – hope you enjoyed the margaritas and beers. I’m sure there wasn’t enough for everyone but, jeez, it sounds like a small town showed up! I knew that not everyone there would be a drinker anyway, but it seems like alcohol is always a safe bet to be welcome at a DopeFest. It’s great fun for me to read all the posts and see how what a great time it was, though it’s just as well I didn’t go since it turns out I have pneumonia (seriously).
I’ve come in to work to get a file (I’m dedicated!) but really more to check the Board (I’m addicted!) but now am going home to lay on the couch, pop drugs, and work on taking a deep breath.
Keep the tales coming though, and where are the pix???
Not to worry, ma’am. Back in one piece. Of course, we’ll also be riding tomorrow…
Well, there’s still a few days left in the week, and a lot of things to do. I could get hurt doing a million things!
Oh, and thanks all o’ y’all for your responses!! We sat here reading them laughing out loud.
Quotes, Coldie-Spiney-LA-Dope
Friday, October 19[sup]th[/sup], Pre-Dope[ul][li]Psycat to Demo: I know you farted. I know your ass smell.[/li][li]Porc to Shayna about Spiney**: [If I were you,] I’d be pissed! He flew all the way from Europe and he hasn’t had sex with you yet?![/li][li]katiekilldare to Francesca: You’re so cute! I’m going to put you in my pocket and take you home![/li][li]Shayna: Have some salad![/li][li]Priccair: But I don’t like SPAM![/li][li]Quix: I have a heart like a beer factory. Love me. Lick me. Do me![/li][li]Spoobious: [sic] Pat & Quix rock mah world.[/li][li]Shayna: They must have made that salad with funky leaves and shit![/li][li]Priccair to psy and Demo: Demo-dad and psy-mom, can I go to the airport? I promise not to touch the old man in the bathroom![/li][li]Scotti gives good hug![/li][li]Coldie on Silvers predilection to witness homosexual male sex**: It makes baby Jesus cry![/li][li]Demo: GODDAMMIT![/li][li]Coldie: My leg’s young, it can handle a lot.[/li][li]thinksnow: This is going to end badly…[/li][li]Joey: You can break my butt-cherry.[/li][li]Joey: You guys, uh, don’t have to watch porn…[/li][li]Seadiver: (in a heavy Spanish/Mexican/whatever) accent) I shoulda told that guy, you can just kiss my fat Latina ass![/li][li]Ramada front desk dude: Internet Friendship Program (wrt the Straight Dopers)[/li][li]priccair: …and the front lobby dude…[/li][li]the porno people: Oooh!!! Oh yeah! Mmmmm…God. FUCK YEAH! unf unf unf <slapslap>[/li][li]MrC: Oh my goodness. Did he do it, like, on the inside?[/li][li]MrC: You know, if God loved me…[/li]<series of lewd hand gestures from thinksnow and MrC>
[li]MrC to Diane: Come enjoy the porn while sitting on my lap![/li][li]Quix: Like Nitchze said…whoaaaa![/ul] Saturday, October 20[sup]th[/sup], Still pre-Dope[ul][]10:15 AM**: Scotti wasn’t sweet.[/li][li]Porcupine: Porpi…porpuseses… Porcupine…porcupi? Well, thank God there is only one of her![/li][li]Scotti: You know what? Shut up![/li][li]Joey: I think I just came in my pants![/li][li]priccair: I ate Vince. (Demo bends over)[/ul]Saturday, October 20[sup]th[/sup], the DopeFest[ul][]Esprix: Ha! Ha! You dog bastard![/li][li]Esprix: Who the hell are you people?[/li]Merc makes everybody gay.
[li]Porcupine: …dirty Sanchez…?[/li][li]Nymysys: Okay, who the hell are all these people?[/li][li]Cowboy Greg: Damn- booze, food & good friends. What more do you need?[/li]Don: Alka Seltzer?
[li]Ruffian: Who had the Nacho platter?[/li]thinksnow: Did you say “macho platter?”
Merc, Johnny LA, Don, Cowboy Greg & think: That’s us!
[li]Johnny LA after spilling margarita**: Nothing like a nice piece of ice![/li][li]Quix: You’re Monster104? I hate you![/li][li]Quix to Monster: You always fill it up too much, though![/li][li]Esprix: Show me your name tags! <click>[/li][li]Shayna: I love it short![/li][li]Porc: I’m aiming to be good horizontally.[/li][li]Monster: Yeah, me and Silver just finished fucking.[/li]thinksnow: Yeah, she’s looking pretty bored.
[li]Joey to Monster: Dude, thinksnow just totally fucked you in the ass! (I didn’t, by the way)[/li]<Alternate DopeFest name**: Diss-Monster-Fest>
[li]thinksnow: Did you sign the shirt?[/li][li]Coldfires nametag**: “Everyone on the Straight Dope fears me as the Nazi Clog Bastard.”[/li][li]Malkavias sister**: Let’s go, I’m sobering.[/li][li]Nymy: He’s got a kilt, I’m in a skirt…two lips and a thrust, we’re good.[/li][li]Quix: You can’t just add “xor” to the end of anything.[/li][li]Esprix: Listen up, pussy-cunt! She’s got so many issues, she’s got a supscription![/li][li]’Sprix: Bust of those titties, bitch![/ul]Sunday, October 21[sup] st[/sup][ul][]Woodstock: We’ve been saying quote-worthy stuff all morning, I’m not saying any of it again![/ul][/li][]thinksnow after reading all the comments about his be-kilted legs in this thread**: Dammit, I’m much more than simply a terrific pair of god-like sculpted legs, I’m, like, sensitive and witty and stuff…with things.
Two more quotes, from Saturday night:
“I would so give hand-jobs for crack.” -Silver Fire (already posted by Java, but I figured, what the hell…)
“I wanted some hardcore raunchy sex.” -Javamaven
And the pictures will start going up when I get some more E-mails from folks. Most of my pics were taken at dinner, and I want a bigger base of diversity. But I DID get over 80 shots… and I THINK I have everyone on camera (not all at once, of course).