Lactating Lady Loses :( Libido....

Anyone here, or anyone have experience w/ this? My darling daughter is 16mos and I’m still nursing her (2-3x/day) and I must say, was hoping for an improvement in the ole’ libido, but to no avail…still…blah…

Once I’m in the sack…well, it’s not great, won’t go into the gory details, but it’s just not as, hmmmm…how do I say this nicely…well, it’s just not as um…let’s put it this way, KY was not something in my med cabinet before!

Anyway, is this forever? Will I forever have to imagine DDL in Last of the Mohicans for an hour or so before bedtime? Help! Also, I’m sure there is someone out there who knows the medical cause of this…tell me! I cannot even imagine asking the doctor this question:

Dr S: Anything else I can help you with?
Me: Yes. I have a moisture problem.
Dr S: Are you drinking enough fluids.
Me: Yes. It’s actually sort of well…forget it.


Does anyone find breastfeeding sexy? I can’t imagine, but before getting pg, I did a search for it on net and came up with Jeannette’s Milky Tits…

NO! I do NOT remember the URL…but you could pay a monthly fee and see her expand during her pregnancy and when the little pup was born, you got to see her milk squirt. Must say, find nothing sexual about this, nor does my DH…but…how bout you?

Do a search for the LeLeche club. It’s for breastfeeding families. Answers all kinds of questions.
I didn’t have problems with lubrication, but I have heard that it is a common problem.
And yes, my hubby found it very sexy! Couldn’t keep his hands off me.

Thanks Kricket
I already know about La Leche Leauge and there is nothing about this topic (in detail) there…just general statement that it sometimes happens. I know that, duh! But when does it end?!?

Well, you could look at it from the biological perspective: as long as you are nursing, it’s to your benefit not to get pregnant again so you don’t have two little ones to nourish. Think of it as a self-defense measure. :slight_smile:

Seriously, for most women, libido returns when Aunt Flo does.

Look and see if there is a LLL Leader in your area - there is a pamphlet on breastfeeding and sexuality you might find helpful.

Thanks…I was a bit too shy to bring it up at a LLLI meeting! I mean, most of the women there are pretty conservative, and I don’t want them to think I’m a horny wench who needs a good seeing-to!
I’ll check the url for the info. Thanks!

Men are supposed to give half of that librication…it comes out of zee penis during sex. Are you sure its just you?

Plus, its a lot of work raising a kid, so you might just not be in the mood yet.

Yes, I am in the mood, sometimes, it’s like the old bod is not cooperatin’. Thanks for recognizing mothering is not easy. But truthfully, I’ve got in made. We’re living in France now, I’m not working, I have a fab husband who does a lot with our DD and does SOME things around the house…maybe this issue is deeper than I’m letting on…but that’s another thread, and PROBABLY not appropriate for this site at all!

Ah…the wonders of womanhood. It wasn’t this hard for Mrs. Kotter!

Listen, Maman./b], if you peruse the topics covered in even the last month, you’ll rapidly discover that discussing the merits of ** Mr Maman with us isn’t the most outlandish thing that might be posted around these parts… :smiley: Feel free, it’s an International KaffeeKlatch. And so much more. Welcome.

Now, you live in France. First of all, I’m sorry about that :cool:. ( Had to toss in a cheap shot here …) FIND a La Leche person, or some other person- preferably a woman who has gone through this. If your sexual arousal levels are normally quite high then it might be the nursing that’s mesing with the hormones, or it might be Post Partum Depression- could be a lot of things.

Could be sleep deprivation, which has been covered here a lot at the Straight Dope. Good luck ! I’d make some comments here about my intimate feelings regarding pregnant women, but somehow…I’ll pass. :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:


Can I blame the previous coding errors on lactation? Yes, indeed I believe I can. :rolleyes: Sorry folks.

Speaking as one who has been in Mr. Maman’s position, I’ll second the above.

Congrats on getting this far.

Aunt Flo dug her heels in at 8 months (OUCH!) and has happily returning for her regular monthly visit since then!!!
Much more painfully than before, I might add. Actually, the problem is not with Mr M…it’s me. I guess it’s that I’m not too happy with my post-baby body (Not that I was thrilled before, mind you!)…but you know how it goes.
Speaking of that, that might be it, you know, mentally, for me…he’s seen her come out of “there” and then…eeeeekkkkks…too gory to contemplate. Cheers to him for sticking out the whole 20 or so hours…Egads. If it were me, I’d have gone out for some sushi (Baby born in Japan, btw) about the time my tailbone shattered and I started screaming like a stuck pig. Actually, I didn’t have drugs either…anyway…raving and ranting with legs up in stirrups does not a horny man make, you’d think.

Maman, rest assured that this is a very normal and common complaint with breastfeeding women. Most likely, all will return to normal when she weans and your hormone levels readjust. But still, body image concerns, being more tired after chasing a toddler around all day, and making the (sometimes difficult) mental transition from mother to lover can all have an impact. There’s nothing wrong with using lube if you need it. Anything that makes your lovelife more fun and pleasant is a good thing!

THanks for the advice ladies and germs.
I’ll keep you up to date on the situation.
Meanwhile, I’ll enjoy reading more mundane posts than mine.

Hi, Maman, I remember going through periods of sleep-deprivation when my baby was first born, and feeling a slump in the old sex drive. In my case, fatigue was the cause, because the very first night that I had a full’s night’s sleep (when my son was about 4 months old), I felt a surge of more than milk. :slight_smile: From that moment on, I felt relief because I too had been worried about my lack of interest in sex. I was about to say to you “Don’t worry, it’ll come back.”, but I think that after 16 months, I would have spoken to my doctor about it. It could be a lingering case of post-partum depression, or perhaps you are simply run-down and anemic. Another thing that concerns me is that you mention your menstruation being more painful than before. Since most women find it to be less painful after childbirth, there may be something that needs taking care of. Look into it. Don’t worry, though, your sex drive has not been killed by having a baby, I remember my best years were still to come after my son’s birth. :slight_smile:
As for your husband, maybe he was traumatized by that long and rather difficult birth, and is afraid to hurt you. He could also be mistaking your lack of interest for fear of getting pregnant again and going through that trauma.
Good luck to both of you, and congratulations on your darling daughter!

You are very kind to have answered this thread…I appreciate it and if my libido ever enters into the pic again…she thanks you, too.

You didn’t mention if you had any other physical problems going on, but when I completely lost interest in sex and just about everything else after my second baby, a failing thyroid turned out to be the culprit. I’ve also noticed that when I’m not feeling too physically attractive, I don’t feel all that sexy either. Exercise helps, even more mentally than physically, I think.

As for the lubrication issue, well, ARE you drinking enough fluids? That might be an issue. Also, your estrogen levels are usually lower while you’re lactating, and that can affect vaginal lubrication. However (I hate to say it, and I’d like to stress that my experience is not everyone else’s), I’d advise you to make friends with that KY or, better yet, Astro-Glide. Even now that my libido has recovered fully (and more!), that specific function is still less than reliable. We’ve learned to work around it quite nicely, though. In this case, as long as the spirit is willing, it doesn’t matter all that much if the flesh is weak.

Besides, there are worse things than having to think about Daniel Day Lewis for an hour a day.

Maman, this may border on TMI, but I suffer from a medical hormone imbalance that had me lactating for about two years during my late teens. I must have been just about the least horny teenager on earth. I eventually went on medication to deal with the problem, and once it kicked in – well, I spent a lot of time blushing and giggling until I got used to my newly restored hormone levels.

See, prolactin (the hormone that causes lactation) production reduces estrogen and testosterone production. You’re feeling a loss of libido now because your other sex hormones are running low. Once you stop nursing, everything should return to normal.