I make this question to the women since it’s still common for a woman to change her last name to her husband’s - sexism & all aside, it’s still cultural.
Anyway, disclaimers aside, would you make a dating or marriage choice based on a potential new last name? If you, Susan Jones, had an opportunity to date, Joseph Sphinkterwoodlewitz, would you?
If your new last name made cutsey words with your first or if you’d be marrying into a potentially offensive or impossible to pronouce last name would it affect your decision to date?
No, but I don’t plan to change my name in any case. Besides, I’ve accepted dates before learning the person’s last name, and it’s a little obvious if you say “Sorry, but I’ve got to go home now” as soon as Mr. Sphinkterwoodlewitz makes the big revelation
When I was 18, I met a guy who I thought I could love. He was everything I had ever wanted. I was able to observe him in class for several months before meeting him. He was intelligent, funny, kind, compassionate, and as a bonus, musical. His last name was Beaver. The first time he introduced himself to me I said, “If we ever get married, I’m keeping my last name.” My last name happens to be a color, so I additionally said, “And I for damn sure ain’t hyphenating.”
He and I became great friends, though not compatible enough to date. I would have never allowed his surname to stand in the way of that relationship.
No I wouldn’t disqualify or qualify someone based on his name. If he had a name that sounded stupid with mine, I’d just keep my own name.
On the other hand, how about divorcing somene and keeping their name? My name did sound very alliterative when married and when I got divorced, I kept the name because I liked how it sounded!
Mr. Levins has an unusual last name that people find difficult to spell/pronounce correctly, and I am still planning on changing my name to his when we get married in October.
It’s a beautiful name, however; if it were really ugly, or made me the equivalent of “Julia Goulia,” I’d keep my own.
There aren’t nearly enough good men in the world to discriminate based on their name, I think.
I know people may think it’s a silly OP, but I’ve actually thought about this. I kept my own name, but I remain grateful that my husband’s sorta-common last name is spelled in one of the less-common ways. My friend with a cool maiden name married a guy with one of the most common surnames in the U.S., and since she changed her name I’ve sort of pitied her. I mean, it’s such a change! In college I dated someone with a hispanic last name and I used to wonder if we got married and I took his name, whether people would not follow up with my resume due to stupid prejudice. Or follow up with a vengeance and then be pissed to see I was blonde and white white white. Just an odd thought.
My name is uncommon and starts with a “Z” and I’ve always felt a uniqueness due to it. That’s why, I think, last names matter to me.
Now, would I cross someone off my list just because they had an unsavory last name, or one I didn’t like? I don’t think so. But I confess I’d be wishing they were named otherwise.
Boyfriend and I have last names that are both quite obviously Dutch and quite frequently mispronounced. A couple of times, when people have heard our last names, they’ve said something along the lines of “With names like that, you guys were meant to be together.” If I were to end up in a potential name-changing situation, the only real consideration would be the symbolic one. Sadly, his last name is his father’s, and his father is someone whose name I don’t think ANYONE would want to share.
Jeez, Belrix - by the way, can I call you Hans? - you seem VERY concerned about this issue. All I can say is I’m glad I’m dating a girl who doesn’t care. She sort of does want to change her name for professional reasons, but not to mine. In fact, I pretty much ordered her to pick something else - not that she needed encouraging. If it’s my decision to make, this name dies with me.
I’m married and have a white-bread English last name. Another thread sparked some thoughts about names in my head & I ran with it by making two IMHO posts.
Sorry if it was unclear, but I’m completely kidding. Although I’m sincere when I say I’m glad you don’t think your wife married you for your last name.
If I took sliceguy’s last name, I’d sound like I had a stuttering problem whenever I said my full name. Plus, my first name is usually spelled and/or pronounced wrong as is his last name, so I’m going to stick with my current, easy to spell and pronounce, not over-alliterative last name.
My mom’s maiden name starts with an S. As a child, she hated being towards the end of the alphabetical list. So, as a child, she vowed to marry someone with a last name that started with a letter from A-E. Her last name now starts with a B.
It was a deciding factor with her though. It just kind of happened that way.
With me, however, like most of the other posters, I would find some way around it if my name were to sound horrible with his last name. As it stands though, I’ve always wanted to keep my last name, in one way or another. There is a lot of history behind it, and I simply happen to like it.
My mother kept my father’s last name after they divorced; she liked it a lot better than her maiden name. When she remarried, I believe she was originally planning to keep that name, since her new husband’s name is not quite as melodic, but he was quite unhappy with that plan and convinced her to change it.
I would not reject a potential suitor simply because of his name. I did decide to take my husband’s name when we got married, but if it had been something like Sphinkterwoodlewitz, I would have kept my maiden name.
