Ladies: Do you recognize/can you explain conversational phenm. of acrimonious accord?

One thing that I notice sometimes:

When people disagree about something (substantial or in their social relationship), their conversation can get heated, emotional, aggressive etc.

So far, so good.

But: I sometimes notice women conversing in an aggressive tone of voice over something where they totally agree with each other (either there is no personal conflict involved or the other party to the conflict is absent). I have even sometimes agree a lady with me where all other cues said she genuinely agrees with me but the voice says she is about to take a baseball bat to me (i.e. a tone that says ‘I am angry’, directed to me). This is a bit disconcerting to be because with guys their hackles are only raised when they do have in fact a quarrel with their interlocutor (with a guy ‘talking to me, angry at someone else’ sounds totally different from ‘talking to me, angry at me’).

Can you ladies confirm/explain this phenomenon or is it perhaps confirmation bias on my part?

I can confirm that my experience matches yours, but with the genders reversed.

Perhaps there are both men and women who act like that?

I do NOT think this is a female-specific quality. There are men who communicate vehemently when they are enthusiastic about something as often as there are women who do it. I think perhaps the issue lies with your apprehension of the person’s underlying feeling. You perceive an aggressive or hostile tone where none is present, just strong feeling and expression. You’re inferring something about the emotion behind the vehemence, because such passionate and empathic delivery = hostility to you. Doesn’t mean that the person feels acrimony; could just be their style of communication. That’s my take on it based on your description.

True, but in that case the vehemence is recogizably not directed at the interlocutor. For example when a man is generally venting but not picking a quarrel with me he’ll not look at me directly.

Please take a look at my sig; we don’t all do this, and it isn’t exclusive to women, and even if it was, we couldn’t explain one another if we tried.

I’m trying to imagine the OP’s situation, with some difficulty. Does it go something like this?

Woman A: That was a really good movie.

Woman B: It sure was, you fucking bitch. I’d like to see it again.

Woman A: Wanna get something to eat?

Woman B: Good idea, stupid. Henry’s coffee shop is pretty good.

Woman A: Yeah, asshole. Let’s go there. You’re so predictable. I love Henry’s.

Woman B: Great. Dinner’s on me, you idiot.

If so, I personally haven’t heard it.

It’s not a female thing at all; it’s an aggressive personality trait, I guess.

Why can’t I stop saying Interlocutor of Borg?

People have said the same thing about me, and I have noticed the trait in friends male and female-

When I get vehement, I do look the person I am discussing the issue with directly in the eye, and I do feel angry, even if it has nothing at all to do with the person I am speaking to…

I am male.

Pssst, Anaamika- love the sig

I don’t know how this applies to Germany, but there is a regional element to this sort of thing here in the U.S.

Sometimes people from other parts of the country think that people from the New York area are being argumentative when they’re really not.

If you take a couple of typical New Yorkers and get them talking to each other about something that they both vehemently agree with, you’ll often find that they’re talking loudly and quickly, interrupting each other left and right, and their body language looks like they’re totally getting in each others’ faces. In other words, they look like they’re arguing. But in reality, they’re having a grand old time.

Of course, this is hardly universal. YMMV and all that.

I don’t know that any of this is gender-related, though.

Yes, that’s a fair description of what I meant in the OP - the words saying “I agree with you” while tone and body language say (to me): “Want to make something of it?”