WOW, Bumbazine! Cool cool cool auction idea! May I steal it for next month’s Crisis Center charity auction?
Um, topic, topic… oh yes. The Griswolds moved in across the street from us this fall, and yesterday we noticed their Christmas decor is up. Think of an obnoxious holiday yard ornament - yep, they’ve got one of everything, and two of some things. Two of those wire-wrapped reindeer thingies that bob their heads up and down, a light-up sleigh and three light up reindeer on the roof, one of those very inorganic looking spiral light trees, big bulb lights most of the way across the garage with little bulb lights filling in at the sides, icicle lights that were apparently strung end-to-end without regard to continuity (there’s like two feet between each section of icicle), a blow-up snowman that has to be about eight feet tall, inflatable round ornaments each about a foot across hanging in the trees… and so on and so on. The WryGuy, who welcomed them to the neighborhood very cheerfully in September is now walking around muttering, “they have to leave…”
I decided to counter-attack with some taste. My decor goes up this weekend, and no outside lights this year. I bought something called Wind-o-Lights, and they’re the coolest thing ever. Frames that adjust to your inside window, then you pop the lights into the little holes in the frame and then the whole frame pops into the window - it has these little tension-rod type springs to hold it in place. And the best thing ever: you take 'em down and store them with the lights still in them, so next year it takes like three minutes to do your windows!! (They fit neatly stacked vertically behind the water heater.)
I’m going to my Mom’s for Thanksgiving, so you all will have to live without me for the rest of the week. Someone make a pun in my name, please.
And everybody have a bodacious Thanksgiving (unless you live in a foreign country, in which case, I wish you a fandantastic weekend)!
Kallessa (who is a bit bored with her usual vocabulary)
Suddenly many things that have puzzled me have become more clear!
For what it’s worth, Rue, I feel your pain; I chipped a tooth a few weeks ago as well (on a hamburger at Jack-in-the-Box, of all things!). It was a Saturday, so I couldn’t get to the dentist until Monday morning… when I got there, the dentist had a nifty new chipped tooth fixing machine that was all computerized and stuff. He took a picture of my teeth (after grinding and drilling for a decade or so), then used a CAD program with a computerized model of my teeth to re-construct the tooth. The digitized re-construction went into the back somewhere, where a milling machine cranked out my new cap in about 5 minutes!
“Hecyelinor! (that’s my new expression… long story.) That’s the niftyist thing I’ve seen all morning!” I told the nice dentist. (Keep in mind that it was about 9AM, and Astrogirl got up way before I did, so I didn’t get to see her nekkid or anything… but even if I had seen her nekkid, or a flying saucer or something, the crown-milling computer would still have been dang nifty!)
"That’s good, " Dr. Dentist said, “'Cause it’s gonna cost you eighty five BAZILLION dollars!” He said this with a straight face. “But it should last you the rest of your life.”
“I’m pretty sure I don’t have more than another 20-30 years left in me, Doc!” I said, earnestly, “If I get to ailin’ can I bring it back for a refund? Or can I get a discount now?”
Dentists got no sense of humor. He did offer to reduce the cost by cutting back on the novacaine though.
Anyways, if I do happen to last another 50 years, I’ll probably only have the one tooth left… but it’s a damn nice one!
Ew! Kiss the Little Woman? But she’s a girl! You can get cooties like that, and I try to keep myself cootie-free. Kiss a girl… Snickers, you say funny things.
See, that’s the thing with you Debbalina, you have to drag everything down. First it’s your whole neighborhood and Christmas (but you have the True Meaning of Christmas in your heart, right?) (The True Meaning of Christmas is “loot” no matter what other, less informed people tell you.) and now you want me to downgrade to a simple tiara from my Crown? Just so you don’t totter over sideways? The nerve of some people. Off with her clothes! (Some of your less stabile monarchs are all “Off with her head!” Me? I’m much more Enlightened.)
I can work worshipping at your feet into my busy schedule around 2:30 this afternoon Kalley. Of course you’ll have to bring your feet to me so I can worship at them. I don’t like to travel. Not even for Goddesses.
I knew we had this connection rocking. Grilled cheese as a nemesis. How many people can claim that? You an’ me bay-bee!
Wow, that is some digs they got themselves Bumba. Hey! I just had an idea! The next time they’re out of town, we could stage BumbaDope at their pad! Yeah! Get even for all those parties your kid had when you weren’t looking. You can bring the cookies. (It’s a Perfect Plan!)
It sounds like the eight foot tall blow-up snowman is just asking for you to get a Red Rider BB gun for Christmas Life. Just don’t shoot your eye out.
Wow. A new tooth in about an hour! Think of the marketting possibilities. Although the eighty five BAZILLION dollar price tag might be a little sticker shocky. We’ll have to get the PR Boys to work down that angle. Not that I don’t like having a fake crown in my mouth for Thanksgiving. Just the thought of having it pop out between the turkey and the punkin pie makes me feel like I’m living on the edge. Like being in Vegas. Betting against the odds makes you feel so alive! (At least that’s what I’m telling myself.)
-Rue. (older and wiser as of today)
Thanksgiving prep is well underway in the swampcave. Last night I made a whole bunch of cornbread for dressing. Down south we have turkey and dressing. Not stuffing. Dressing. Don’t ask why, just accept it. I’m doing the turkey, the dressing,the gravy and the collard greens. Other people are bringing the other stuff for the big feast. I am the only person who can roast a turkey the right way, make dressing with just enough sage, make decent gravy (it just ain’t Thanksgiving without the gravy) and cook collard greens just right. Oh, and tomorrow, I get to go pick the greens! Fresh greens right out of the greens patch. YUM!
I also have some wine to quaff before dinner chilling in the fridge and three bottles of red wine (unchilled of course) to serve at dinner.
Can you believe they don’t have wine in kegs? I was all set to have a big keg o’wine on the back porch with plastic cups to drink out of and everything!
I thought wine came in casks. Or is keg o’wine some kinda weird Jawja thing??
Back to the topic of decorating - we just got an email telling us when the door decorating contest will be held. Door? We all work in cubicles. The only doors here are to the bathrooms… hey, wait, there’s an idea…
FCM there’s a bathroom stall door just waiting for you to decorate it! Gold foil, silver tinsel, a big Santa Claus face ringed in fake pine. Oh, the possibilities are endless! A Creche placed around the base of the toilet. Let your imagination fly!
I just kinda like the idea of a keg o’ wine. Just sounds fun is all.
A keg of wine sounds extraordinarily dangerous to me. Wine makes for one baaaaaad hangover.
Anywho, my wife decided to do the X-Mas decorating thing the other night. Nothing outside, just in the living room and kitchen. Just a couple strings of lights. I don’t really know why; we are never home for X-mas.
Oh. And our tree. As become custome in our poor home, we just more the palm tree from the back door to the living room and put decorations on it. That’s it.
A cactus all festooned up can be real purty. So can a palm tree. I’ve seen both. I got me one of them artificial spruce type trees that I’m gonna festoon all up.
Keg O’Wine. I should work on marketing it. I just know it’d go over big. “When a Box O’Wine isn’t big enough, try swampbear’s Keg O’Wine. Delight your guests!” I’ll make millions!
Heh. Swampbear has invited us all over for Thanksgiving, yes? I mean, that is what the whole “Keg O Wine” is FOR isn’t it?
FairyChatMom, I’m with you on the “neighbors think I’m a grinch”. We don’t decorate for Christmas at ALL - not even a tree. We have no kids, we go visit fambly for Christmas, we don’t have a whole lotta room for extras like trees, so what’s the point?
We DO have a lovely Blue Spruce out front that we used to decorate, but we don’t anymore, since:
A) It’s about 15 feet tall and we can’t reach the top of it anymore
2. That makes the birds who like to live there REAL nervous and I’m a lot more concerned about keeping the Local Fauna happy than I am about jacking up my electric bill.
We DO toss in some peanut-butter-and-birdseed-covered-pinecones, though. I GUESS you could call 'em ornaments.
Your chipped tooth made me so scared of our cheese that we just took it all out and decorated the house with it. The parmesian made for great fake snow. The reindeer are all made of cheddar and around the eves I went crazy with the cheese whiz. I’ll take it all down in January with a giant cracker.
MMMMMMMM… house undecorating party at lieu’s! I’ll bring the Keg o’Wine.
Dog MOm come on over. I’ll save a keg just for you!
FCM I can see it now. FairyChatGrandMom standing, hand on the pump, pouring out a cup of Keg O’Wine and saying, “swampbear’s Keg O’Wine is a Keg O’Goodness!” The start of an ingenious ad campaign this is!
