Assuming most of you would prefer a balance of the two, we will omit that as an option. When it comes to a mate do you prefer:
ASSERTIVEMAN:
…a) proposes more or less complete solutions initially and then may look to you for additional suggestions
…b) expresses every opinion he has, not necessarily deriding yours, but you ALWAYS know where he’s at
…c) usually sets his calendar according to what HE wants, you are more than welcome to come along and your company would be enjoyed
or
ACCOMMODATINGMAN:
…a) always confers with you before giving input on what will always be a compromise solution
…b) keeps opinions on minor issues to himself if they differ from yours in order to avoid petty conflicts; will express his opinions on major issues, but will not argue against yours citing your right to believe what you want
…c) usually sets his calendar according to what YOU want, he enjoys your company and he can have that no matter where the two of you are.
Any man who always acts like #1 is an asshole. Any man who always acts like #2 is a wimp, and maybe a just a touch manipulative and shifty besides.
Inigo, if the tables were turned and we were describing women, how would you feel about the two girls you describe in your OP? Neither of them is particularly appealing, you know?
I’m having trouble deciding. In general, I’m pretty deferential (though I have a few things I’ll lay down the law on) so I figured I’d go with your assertiveman. However, the whole “I’m not going to check with you first” thing turns me off.
It’s cool to have someone initiate things, but with the caveat that I get to throw in my two cents before it’s set in stone.
I think I would be the pushy, insensitive Lesbian Aunt, which would pretty much ensure that I would be single, which is probably better for everyone concerned.
It is not endearing when I always have to pick the movie, and when I always have to plan dinner, and when I always have to decide what we’re doing for the weekend.
It’s work. Share it. Grow a spine.
I know many men who have been dumped because of too much #2.
If I had to choose between them, then I’d pick AccomodatingMan. I would likely end up murdering AssertiveMan, and I don’t think I’m cut out for a prison lifestyle.
If those were the absolute only choices, I’d choose assertive. Reason 1 is because my ability to ramp up my own assertiveness could possibly get me some satisfaction with assertiveman. Reason 2 is because there is no way I can ever have any respect for accomodatingman and I would just grow to hate him, walk all over him, and then ridicule him. That’s just my vicious girly nature I guess.
If these are the only options, I’d pick Assertiveman. AccomodatingMan sounds like he isn’t ever going to argue with me, which would make him dull as dishwater. I don’t like people agreeing with me merely to agree, at the sacrifice of what they truly feel. (unless they’re my subordinates at work- I’m paid to make the calls). At least Assertiveman sounds like he’ll speak his mind freely.
Besides, I hate making all the decisions about what do do…if we don’t have fun I’m always the one who has to feel guilty about that. If Assertiveman decides, I can argue with him if I disagree, with much less fear that I’m going to hurt his feelings.
