Not really. An honest question was asked and opinions vary. I don’t think anyone is saying all men are rapists; I see women saying that they never know who they’re dealing with since any given stranger has the potential to be dangerous. Do you disgree with that?
When you say you are persecuted for just existing as a man,let me ask you – when you look at a woman and then move on, do you give it any more thought than that? Do you think she does? If she has to go through any sort of mental checklist before moving on, she’s already spent more effort than you and who has been “destroyed” even a tiny bit?
Life isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that enough men have done the wrong thing to women that they have to even consider that something bad might happen as they go about their business. And yes, it’s not fair that because of your gender you are considered to have the possibility of being dangerous. I’d still say it’s more unfair for the woman.
I agree that this thread does not belong in the Pit. For the most part, folks in here are conducting themselves appropriately, and there’s no reason that shouldn’t continue, even with disagreement among the participants.
So please make the effort in your posts to keep the discussion civil.
If you believe that your life is being affected by the perspective on gender violence expressed by ZPG Zealot, that is a problem with your ability to perceive what’s actually going on in the world. One woman’s unreasonable way of articulating her concerns does not actually paint the world a different color.
It is the definition of insanity for you to suggest, presumably with a mostly straight, though slightly twisted with bitterness, face that the word apartheid belongs anywhere near this conversation. You are just as divorced from reality as the notion that a proffered handshake is an attempt to exert sexual power.
Did I say I was mad about either. I said for the first, it depends on context (context you won’t have), for the second, I’m not sorry people have stopped looking - makes my own life a hell of a lot easier.
You remember the toddler years? You remember how horrible potty training was, and how you could have lived without the tantrums? And the expense of diapers and forumula?
You remember how you missed those tantrums when they were teenagers and the sulking took over? And missed the diapers and formula years when it came to car insurance, food to feed a teenage boy, and college funding?
You remember how you missed the sulking when they moved out?
Men can exist without harming women. I work with dozens of them who do. I’ve met thousands of them from all cultures, social strata, and religion who do. Unfortunately, I have also encountered plenty of misogynists that the human race could do without.
I assume ( perhaps wrongly ) that is less the “unwanted” part than it is the potential threat, however small, underlying the attention. Or in other words I would assume ( again, perhaps wrongly ) that even though you are heterosexual and the attention might be unwanted, you would on average react less negatively to being checked out by a fairly petite woman than a man of any size, because you would perceive it as less potentially dangerous.
If I’ve caught him ‘noticing’ me, and he quickly looks away, I feel flattered. I’ll usually want to check him out, while wondering to myself ‘who’s this guy… he seems interested in me?’ If at that point I like what I see, I feel free to openly flirt with him when he goes for the second look. If I don’t like what I see, when he looks back, I will pretend I don’t notice him.
If I catch a guy looking at me, and he continues to openly ‘check me out’, I feel uncomfortable. I don’t like a man being so obvious. It makes my skin crawl. I get the overall impression he is arrogant, crude and full of himself. It’s a major turn off.
Booger hanging out is this. Ugly dress is more like this.
It’s all very subtle. As for “shapely bosom”, which is rather more like this, I’ve actually had to do some soul-searching recently. I’ll ask myself: What will come of this? What the holy crap am I trying to achieve here? Am I realistically going to talk to this person? If so, I should just go talk to her (I mostly never do, obviously, unless I actually need to know the time or the way to the post office). If not, why the heck am I am intruding on her privacy? She won’t spontaneously fall in love with me for no reason right now, any more than she’ll burst into flame. Just don’t look, and leave her alone already.
So now I do that: I don’t look, and I leave her alone already. There’s no particular reason for me to insert myself into her life.
Exactly this ^. Except I live in Oregon. I get looks from men and women alike. Looks don’t bother me at all. And by the way, plenty of women look at men (or women) in the exact way that the OP described. Myself included.
I’m aware that any attention from me, as a stranger, can be seen as judgmental or threatening. I do compliment strangers, regardless of gender, on attire or such that I really enjoy seeing. I’ve only had positive responses to that.
I may check out a strange woman in public. As, generally, this is of the ogling and ‘undressing her with my eyes’ type, I try to do so quickly and without being noticed.
If approached by a group of possibly hostile men who may intend to rape me*, I imagine I would get defensive and panicky.
The first one looks cross-eyed (or is that wall-eyed?) and might as well have just farted a reeeeally good one. The second looks less cross-eyed and might as well just be in the process of farting.
And in any case, the key point is “directed at me”. I’m one of those people for whom clue-by-fours were invented.
They can look all they want. If they come too close, try to talk to or touch me, I will say “Back off, buddy.” If they don’t, I’ll scream very loudly I SAID NO, and then use self-defense.
So you’re really ready to pepper-spray any male stranger who so much as says “Nice day” to you? ETA: Or, if your response is “Back off, buddy”, you’re going to be surprised if their response is along the lines “mumble mumble bitch mumble mumble”?
If so, that’s mighty misandrist of you. There’s at least as much misandry as misogyny in all these threads like this.
This is why no male can ever dare to do so much as say “Hi” to a female. Is that the world you want?
