Hear, hear.
So, yeah, if the, uh, shoe fits…
(o wow it is fun to say uh and stupid stuff in posts to try to be sarcastic and witty!)
I think I’d be torn between monumental narcissism and bugshit crazy. Although I don’t really see any reason why it couldn’t be both, I suppose.
“Run far, run fast.”
I mean, what other message could there be?
Back in my online dating days, I’ve seen more than one profile of a woman, where she is standing next to a painting of herself in what is apparently her house. Instant turn-off.
It makes me think of a Frasier episode. I can’t remember the plot of the episode itself, but it centered on a humiliating portrait that Niles had painted of himself for Maris and which he wanted to get ahold of and conceal from the public eye. Of course, at the finale, the portrait was revealed for a crowd to ogle: Niles as a hooved and horned satyr, or maybe Pan. He was appropriately mortified.
- Horrible taste
- Big Ego
- Possible horse fetishist
- Get me out of here
Nothing good.
I’d make an exception for Niles, though.
But otherwise, he’d be just fine, right? Not gay or anything?
I’m asking for, uh, a friend.
Not at all. Well, maybe.
Bossomed giraffe-centaurs would be right out, though. You know, in case your friend likes giraffes.
That’s so weird. I used to be a hardcore Frasier fan and I totally don’t remember this one. Googling says it’s the Ann Who Came to Dinner. Odd. I was into Frasier around the time it aired, too. Time to hit the DVDs.
I’ve been lurking for a few years, and borderline considering going through the trouble to register (oh, how I hate coming up with a unique name!), when this thread popped up. As my eyes passed over the title, I couldn’t believe it, it was too ridiculous. A-Rod has one too?!
So, uh…new thread title: Ask The Guy with a Painting of Himself as a Centaur Next to His Bed.
Seriously, though, I thought I had an ex-girlfriend posting on the dope (I don’t talk about my internet time with anyone…it’s sort of my little escape for all the crazy stuff you can’t say around normal people, like “I think some apes are conscious, and deserve greater legal protetions.”) looking for advice about what a weirdo I am.
I’m not really that weird, I promise. She and I were watching Vegas Vacation one night, and there’s one scene in which Wayne Newton attempts to seduce Beverly D’Angelo in his posh country mansion. Subtle, slightly out of focus, and in the background, is the most ridiculous painting ever of Wayne Newton as a centaur, standing under a rainbow, gazing off into the sunset as a blonde beauty clutches longingly at his neck. I think he has a bow and arrow, but It’s been a while.
About a week later, we were at a small house party, getting a bit drunk with some friends of hers when one (an art student) mentioned an art project. He didn’t know anyone who would do nude. I said I’d do it for ten bucks, but ultimately settled for $8 and a piggyback ride. That’s not really the point.
Back at my girlfriend’s apartment, he and a couple friends were drawing me for their art class (my friend Matthew tagged along just because he wanted to draw.) My girlfriend of the time, who is very artistically gifted, wanted to draw me naked, too. I asked if she’d draw me as a centaur, just like Wayne Newton did. She giggled, and I had to remind her what it looked like, but ultimately I got a drawing of myself as a centaur. And I loved it. Personal artwork from someone close that reminds of you of a funny social experience where you and some strangers really bonded is a great thing to keep next to my bed. I don’t think it’s weird to have a picture of yourself in your room. It’s certainly less vain than a mirror, which doesn’t remind you of anyone but yourself.
So, to answer a few questions:
My penis is pretty average. I’d rather it were a bit thicker, or more of a ‘shower’, but it’s all I got and all I’m gettin’, so I made my peace long ago. We play together every day.
I’m probably a bit more self-absorbed or vain than most people. I don’t generally care about strangers’ lives or problems or interests, and in a ‘me vs them’ situation, I’m definitely a ‘me’ kind of guy. I am pursuing a PhD in Psychology, researching how people form their social identities, so the self is definitely something I think of a lot.
I pay a lot of attention to the way I dress, and the way I present myself. I pay attention to what other people wear and other superficial things like that. I think they give away a lot about a person, and it’s a fun habit to actively engage your environment.
I put the drawing in a ‘break-up box’, because I thought other girls might not think it so cool that I have something that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend right next to the bed, but if I’m single again it’s going back up.
So feel free to ask away. Sorry if I skipped one, I’m in a hurry and have to be at work (the dope’s already made me late for work! gah, this is why I don’t do these things!)
Sorry, I would ask questions but it’s too hard to type while running quickly in the opposite direction.
Ooh, ooh!
Where do you buy that cream to put on hooves to make them all shiney and stuff? It’s supposed to work on nails, too, and since I swim a lot my nails could use the help (chlorine: bad for fingernails)… but I don’t now where horses shop for hygiene products.
Thanks!
…even as “the dude with a picture of himself as a centaur next to his bed” in a “man i’d love to talk to a dude with a painting of himself as a centaur next to his bed” thread I manage to kill a thread. Jeez.
Maybe he thinks centaurs are badass, and he wants people to realize he is like a centaur without actually saying it. Kind of strange, but when you are that rich, you can do whatever the hell you want.
One painting of yourself as a centaur is okay. Two is a bit excessive.
Is anyone else dying to see some photos of his bedroom? It must be awesomely tacky. Lots of mirrors, probably…he seems like the kind of person that might like to watch himself in action.
I could barely stop laughing every time A-roid showed up on tv watching the World Series tonight.
Personally, if I had that kind of money, I’d probably commission a twenty foot one that shot lightning at intruders. Use a little of that imagination, A-Rod
Dude, what more is there to post when a poster named ***Rex Goliath ***comes into a thread to state that why, yes, I do have a portrait of myself as a centaur next to my bed…
Game over, man. 
(So if it went into the breakup box, was it ever up when you were bringing a new woman into your room? Or have you shown it to other women you’ve dated? What kind of reaction have you gotten?)