Um, no. If she likes him tagging along, but doesn’t seem to have any designs on him romantically, it’s probably because she doesn’t have any designs on him romantically. You know what women call people they enjoy spending time with, but don’t have any interest in ever fucking? Friends.
We’ve been asked by the OP to stop this line of conversation. He feels as though it takes away from the thread. Just FYI.
Oh, another thing that occurred to me, which came out of a conversation I had with some people a couple years ago.
“Commit to the move.”
This does mean taking somewhat of a risk, but if every “move” you make is tentative, half-committed, or has an exit strategy, at best she’ll see mixed signals and will have no idea if you’re interested or just friendly.
On the other hand, even if I’m not interested, I am very flattered by a genuine expression of interest, and I certainly wouldn’t hold it against him or make any attempt to make him feel bad about it. As I said earlier, if both of you act like adults, there’s no reason you can’t both shrug it off and go on as before.
Plus, if I am interested, a direct move impresses me. I know you’re taking a risk, and I’m impressed that you thought enough of me that you thought it was a risk worth taking. Ring Guy above, when it came time, simply said “I’m going to kiss you now,” and I thought that was awesome.
Of course this also means moving in a not-creepy fashion, and responding gracefully to the feedback you get. If she’s not interested, politely back off.
And if you do commit to the move, and she laughs at you or is otherwise mean about it, as before I’d assess her as someone not worth hanging around anyway.
Also, on a somewhat related tangent – am I the only one like this?: oftentimes my interest in someone is triggered by a clear expression of interest from him. That is, if he’d never said anything, it never would have occurred to me to think of him that way. (I have no idea why this is, but it’s been happening more and more often.)
You are not the only one.
I’d been friends with a guy for few months and even though he would regularly initiate outings for drinks or hanging out, I just thought he wanted to be friends. He never sent out tell-tale signals of sexual interest. I wasn’t sending them out either, but it wasn’t because I was actively disinterested. The thought of being romantically involved with him just never really crossed my mind. Because he’s a friendly, social person by nature, I didn’t assume his overtures to me meant anything more than him trying to be friends. The nature of our jobs also promotes socialization (we work for the same agency), so it never struck me as unusual that he wanted to hang out with me casually.
Then he sent out a sign. We were at a crowded bar watching a band perform and I was standing behind him and he reached back and touched me affectionately…which is something he’d never done before. That’s when the lightbulb came on. He’d always been interested in me non-platonically, but he didn’t know how to tell or show me that until that moment. And my view of him changed, too. I found myself liking him because he liked me. With that one touch, he was able to bring me on the same page as him, and we were able to take our friendship up a notch.
It actually was best that his social awkwardness made him work so slowly and subtley, because if he’d announced his intentions early on, I probably would not have given him a chance. I was kind of burnt out from dating when we first met, and since I wasn’t attracted to him initially, odds are I would have rejected him if he’d been more forward.
The lesson in that there is no formula to things like this. It’s all specific to the personalities, environment, and background histories involved. Sometimes it’s better to just come out and announce early on what you want, and sometimes it’s better to wait until the woman knows you better.