Being a person who enjoys her food, I’m pretty darned impressed when a man can put something on the table that’s yummy and edible. I wouldn’t say I think it’s sexy, but it sure scores big points.
Hubby has recently started learning to cook (he’s always been able to barbeque things or grill sausages, but I mean actually making meals that involve more than one ingredient) and it’s been fun for both of us. I’m a fairly average cook myself, and have always considered it fortunate that he has fairly low standards for food! We’ve discovered, though, that together we’re better than either of us is solo, and we’re turning out some *very *tasty creations.
My ex-boyfriend definitely impressed me with his cooking … hmm, maybe there **is **a little bit of ‘sexy’ in it? There has to be a good reason why I ended up in a relationship with someone so obviously incompatible with me. (Nice guy; don’t get me wrong. We were just chalk and cheese. )
Heh, I don’t think so unless there’s some mighty weird skeletons in my closet
For me it’s not so much of a “I don’t think men belong in the kitchen” thing as it is “This is MY kitchen, and so god help me if any of you set foot in here and touch my stuff I will SLICE YOU UP!”. It applies equally for men and women.
I’m a little bit obsessive and a lot of a control freak
But useful is sexy! I want a man who can take care of himself and others, not someone whose skills are solely centered around World of Warcraft or sports trivia.
No, I don’t like to share my kitchen. I love to cook, and I’m jealous and nitpicky if someone else is doing it in my kitchen. I don’t really even want help chopping the veggies, because I want them chopped a certain way and you aren’t going to do it right. But my husband likes to stir things, and that’s okay. I know it’s irrational and stupid, but at least I am a really good cook. Hubby doesn’t seem to mind. I’m not a total control freak in other situations, but the kitchen is mine.
No, it’s not sexy. Men should know how to cook. And clean and do dishes. Just like women are expected to do these things. Men (or women) shouldn’t get extra points for doing something they should know how to do.
This woman does. I remember the exact moment I fell in love with an old boyfriend too - it was when he made me breakfast. In my world food is love, and I got swept right off my feet.
Mmmm mmmm. My husband came equipped with Calphalon pans when we married. He can make crepes. He wooed me with fresh fruit pannekuken. Just last week he bought us a KitchenAid stand mixer. We were … ahem … quite busy all weekend.
It’s not sexy, but it sure is nice. My SO does 85 % of the cooking, and yes, I do the cleaning - seems like a fair breakdown to me! And I do love that he is so good. I practically have a chef at home, considering the kinds of things he whips up.
I was going to say it is sexy, until I read this. I would wonder about a man who couldn’t cook.
If he couldn’t cook because he had always lived with family or roommates who cooked for him and never lived on his own, I wouldn’t be interested. I couldn’t deal with a man who can’t be independent.
If he couldn’t cook because he ate out all the time, I’d wonder if our financial styles were compatible. It would be OK if he managed to live within his means while doing it, but I don’t like keeping close track of a budget- it would be a problem if he were used to living near the edge of or beyond his means.
If he couldn’t cook because he could only fix Pasta-Roni or similar and that’s not cooking, I’d worry that he’d hold me to a too-high standard on cooking. I’m not the most energetic person, and I’m usually not up to cooking from scratch when I come home from work, and often don’t want to on a weekend, either.
If he didn’t cook because that’s women’s work- I hate traditional gender roles and the idea that some jobs should be for men and others for women, so byeeee…
I’m with Sierra Indigo actually. At least on the “not in my kitchen” thing.
Nobody, NOBODY, is allowed in my kitchen but me. I can almost stand - on rare occasions - to let my best friend and my mother take a one-meal guest shot. Even then it makes me all edgy and spastic.
I’m not even much of a control freak - there’s just something deep in my psyche that forbids me to let other people use my kitchen for anything more complicated than basic toaster and/or microwave usage. This is apparently genetic, since my mother is the same way. Her mother before her was the same way.
Fortunately, I’m a good cook, and I really like cooking.
Correspondingly, a guy who cooks is interesting and useful while dating - and it gives us something to talk about, so that’s nifty - but not especially sexy. It’s hard to find something sexy when you’re being driven by an overwhelming compulsion to force them to leave your kitchen at knifepoint.
Now, cleaning I find sexy. A guy who thinks to clean up the house when I’m at work? Rawr.
That’s a “you knew I would like this and you did it for me” rawr. There just isn’t anything sexier.
I also meant to say that, regretably, I married a fellow who not only cannot cook (sweet Jesus can he not cook - the things he does to food… shudder it’s horrible) but cannot clean.
I guess he’s technically proficient - it’s just that he doesn’t see that cleaning should happen, unless it’s pointed out to him. Even then he still doesn’t see it, but he’ll cheerfully comply. I know he’s not faking - I’ve seen the pure shining light of utter confusion in his eyes when I bemoan the state of our house.
So, while cleaning (and for other ladies, cooking) are sexy, they’re not all we’re lookin for in a man
My husband’s closest to the Pasta-Roni cook. When I say he “can’t cook”, I mean he hasn’t learned to cook. His own mother cooked for him when he lived at home, his schools cooked for him in school and his microwave cooked for him when he lived on his own. If left to his own devices, he’ll fix nothing but pasta, Boca burgers and cereal. Anything else, he’ll buy premade. He’ll take a chick patty, nuke it with salsa and cheese and eat it on a tortilla, but I don’t consider that “cooking”, really. (Not that I haven’t been known to do that on a rough night just to get a meal on the table, but I don’t kid myself that I’ve “cooked” on those occasions. I’ve arranged and nuked premade food, that’s all.)
We’ve been together 8 years, and he’s made dinner once. It was good. He made veggie wraps with sprouts and cucumber slices and cheese and hummus. I think he even soaked couscous in hot water for a side dish. Still not "cooking’, but at least it was vaguely healthy.
It’s not a deal-breaker for us. I like to cook, and though I wish he would, once in a while at least, it’s fine with me the way it is or I wouldn’t put up with it. The fact that it’s broken down by gender lines is a coincidence, not a compulsion.
But would I jump his bones if he at least tried? Oh, yeah. He’d jump my bones if he came home and the house was sparkling clean, too. (I suffer the same “Mess? I don’t see it.” malady your husband does, Aangelica.)
I do want to add – I find cooking with a partner to be a really wonderful relationship-building thing. I have a couple of recipes that I love that are really best done with more than one person because they’re labor-intensive, so I tend to only make them when one of my partners is available to kitchen minion for me. I’m also happy to kitchen minion, fetch and carry, chop onions (boyfriend hates chopping onions 'cause he has sensitive eyes, so I tease him about protecting him from the onions) for partners. It’s a very togetherness-building thing for me.
(I suspect this is part of my upbringing – I did minor kitchen help with my mother all through my childhood, and every so often my father would declare stir-fry night and marshal the children into helping with the process of generating food. So it parses to me as “family togetherness time”.)
Still not sexy, though. Except in the ‘promoting healthy relationships with one’s spouse/lover/whatever is more likely to lead to sex than neglecting them’ sense, which is sort of abstract. Metasexy.
As long as he was fine with me doing that, and with the fact that all work nights are pretty much “rough nights” by definition, we could get along.
I don’t have a problem with chores happening to be distributed in accord with traditional gender roles. But if Mr. Neville ever said I should do X because I’m a woman, he’d catch hell for it.
So do Mr. Neville and I. I’m not 100% sure either of us would notice if we came home and the other had gotten the apartment sparkling clean.
Maddening, isn’t it? The worst part is that you always have to fight down the suspicion that they really do see the mess and are just being lazy. Surely, surely, they can tell that the carpet is nasty and the dishes need doing? Apparently not, actually. :smack:
He can tell the difference if it’s clean - and appreciates said difference. Just somehow there’s a disconnect between perception of clean and its absence. Possibly because it’s a gradual changeover from “sparkling” to “call FEMA”?
At the moment (because I’ve been really, really lazy about it lately) our house is a disaster area. The carpets are mildly horrible, the kitchen is dire and the bathroom is unspeakable. We’re not even going to discuss the living room.
A thorough overhaul is on my menu as soon as I walk in the door tonight.
At least 40% of masculinity amounts to two things: a) being serious; b) being good with your hands. Creativity and taste and all are fine, but what women find most sexy about a cook has to do with being a quiet provider.
Exactly. Knowing how to feed yourself and others is on par with knowing how to get yourself to work every day, doing laundry, and clean up after yourself. You’re supposed to know how to do these things as an adult. I’m also an eat to live type of person, so food doesn’t score a lot of points with me in general, anyway.
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