I’ve been reading The Catsitters by James Wolcott and in this book the lead female character is trying to help the lead male character get married. Much of her advice make sense (at least to this unmarried male), but one thing in there just caused me to have doubts it would go over well if a man tried it in real life.
Its called the “All-Over,” and what’s supposed to happen is if the guy and the gal have been dating for awhile, but haven’t actually slept together as of yet, on the night when the signs indicate that they should make the beast with the double backs, they’re supposed to spend a considerable amount of time making out and then when they move to the bedroom, the man gets the gal naked, strips down to his underwear and spends roughly the next hour kissing her all over her body.
So far, so good. Then the man is supposed to work his way back to her mouth, plant a passionate kiss on the woman’s lips, and tell her, “That’s enough for tonight.” Somehow, she’s supposed to fall asleep after this, then the next morning the man serves her breakfast in bed, takes her home and doesn’t call her for at least a day. The next time they get together, the same thing’s supposed to happen again.
Eventually, they do the nasty, like on the third or fourth time. The idea is that this proves to the woman that the man can restrain himself and would make a good husband.
I gotta know what women think of this idea. So ladies, if a man did this to you, what would your response be?
Sigh, the first time I manage to get a woman horny in a couple of months and she turns out to be a high school girl who’s a thousand miles away! (This isn’t all bad, of course! I mean, its nice to know a guy my age can get a high school girl horny! Of course, if I actually tried to do something about it, I’d go to jail! Story of my life, I tell ya!)
The “All-Over”, huh? Well, if a guy did that to me and didn’t explain why he was holding back, it’d be all over, all right. I have little patience for stuff like that. Right then is not a good time to show off your restraint.
Ick. If I were the woman, I would probably think that the guy had control issues - I dislike the idea of one partner calling all the shots in bed. Furthermore, that sentence, IMO, is almost parental. Like how your mother or father would turn off the TV and go “That’s enough TV for tonight, kids.”
Give me a husband who doesn’t play mind games over a ‘restrained’ one any day!
Is he supposed to be proving what a good husband he’d be?
Firstly, I don’t think a good husband would get me all worked up and then walk off leaving me hanging. I don’t like power trips.
Secondly, I don’t actually try to infer husbandly qualities from the kind of first shag I get, anyway. I find you can learn plenty about a guy’s personality from his personality. I don’t see why the first shag should be about proving what a great husband he’d be.
This would never happen to me. I don’t like it when a guy gets me all worked up and then just leaves me hanging (ask my fiance). I’d probably (as I have done in the past) pounce on top of him and take over until both of us were finished off.
Naaaaah. I’d be much happier if he just went for it - first sex should be “I-want-you-NOW” sex. You’ve got time to do the gentle getting-to-know you stuff later. When we’re first getting together, what I want to know is that you find me unbelievably irristable, not that you’ve got control issues.
You don’t think it’s that much different than a couple getting all worked up, the man finishes and then falls asleep, while the women stares at the ceiling for the next half hour?
I can think of one way that this senario might work, for some men and some women:
If the man were to say something like “I just want to worry about you tonight, is that ok?” and after the woman said “sure” he proceded to bring her to orgasm over and over again without enjoying himself-well, some women would undoubtably find that restraint and indulgance sexy. Other women would feel cheated of the chance to give as well as recieve pleasure. Me, I think senarios like that can be all well and good as long asthe partners take turns, be it within the same night or on different occasions.
The real problem I have with this senario is that it seems to perpetuate the idea that sex is something men do to women, not something men and women do together. Me, I find that idea unhealthy, but I imagine it works for some people.
If a guy did that to me I’d be really pissed and sexually frustrated. Forget that! Who gives a shit if he has restraint. I want a man who wants me and can’t wait another second to have me!
[sub]Damn, thinking about all this is making me horny too. I may have to call my man for a nooner![/sub]
The thing I really don’t like about this story is that it panders to the idea that men like lots of sex and women don’t. The man in the story is told that the way to please a woman (and the way to affect to be marriageable) to be is to pretend not to want sex.
