The social rules of how a girls should act during sex seem to conflict with the rules for a guy. I really do not care about the rules society sets for me when I have sex, because society is not there. So I would feel comfortable playing by the female rules. I just need to know the rules. Girls in real life won’t tell me what I do wrong. So maybe if the woman here post enough problems, I can spot my own. It would also help in the fight against ignorance.
Not a girl, but an old time married tough checking in. Basically, the deal is that there is no instructions manual. An instruction manual would be too unromantic, predictable and mechanical. The closest that I have come to figuring this out is that what a woman wants is this shifting kaleidoscopic mosaic of complexity that poor schmucks like you and I haven’t a hope of fully grasping. The best thing to do is to pay as much attention to the signals as you can, be sincere and enthusiastic and hope for the best. Sorry.
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Listen to her sounds - if you’re a good listener, you can tell what’s feeling good or what’s not by the sounds she makes. Better still if she’s comfy enough to tell you what she likes as you go along.
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NEVER call her by the wrong name! This will kill the mood, make her think you’re off in fantasy land and not thinking about her. Unless it’s actually part of the session and you both agree that a little role-playing is fun.
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Build up to her orgasm, don’t wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am her. Make foreplay a part of the whole experience. If she feels your making an effort to please, she’ll enjoy it all the more.
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Do not use teeth on her clit, do not try to suck her clit off. It HURTS most gals.
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Don’t get upset if she doesn’t want to go down on you right away or at all. Some girls don’t enjoy giving blowjobs (although I’m not one of these). Don’t assume all girls are porn stars in the sack.
Basically, let her know you want her to feel good by the things you do and say to her. Try not to rush and try not to expect the big O everytime. Don’t pressure her into doing things she’s not comfy doing (anal, BJ’s, etc… ). It helps to have fun while respecting her needs. Never make her feel bad for not doing what you want all the time. It’s a give and take situation. Reciprocation is key.
Another married guy (15 years) checking in.
I finally told my wife, in not so many words, “Look, if you want me to throw you a bone 
the way you want it, you have to give me a little more feedback. Otherwise, this will get boring for both of us.” Rinse. Repeat for five years.
She got it, and things have become even more playful and loving in the sack.
Unless we’re pissed at each other, then it’s an Ice Age from both sides. But I digress.
List of things NOT to do: *
Support yourself, when thrusting, by holding your hand on top of her head. If you must, hold on to her shoulders.
Take care where to place your elbow. On her hair is wrong. On her stomach, or near her breasts is wrong too. Actually, elbows should be kept entirely to oneself, or to the matress, except when asked to present them for nibbling. Also, when shifting positions, don’t put your hand on your wife’s body to support yourself getting up. It hurts.
If she likes to be crushed under your weight, she’ll let you know. To be on the safe side, try to support yourself, so that she is free to move underneath you. She’ll sensuaously squirm to press her body to yours in the places she likes pressure. “Oy!” you say now, “what am I, an Olympian athlete?”. Sorry lads. The alternative is to have her pinned underneath you, waiting for when you’re done so she can move in an arm of hand and start having fun.
Shower.
I’ll be back with more.
*based on Maastricht’s long, long past.
There are no rules, really. Every woman is different.
For some general guidelines, though, Sanguine’s post is a good starting point. However, there a few things I’d like to add to her list.
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More is not always better. That applies to pretty much everything, really. Squeezing harder is not always better; in fact, it often hurts like a bitch. Same for continuing to rub the clit after orgasm. Lasting longer isn’t always better, either.
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Subtlety will often get you a lot further than more overt moves. Light, gentle touches on the back, neck, shoulders, arms and face are often far more arousing than grabbing for the boobs.
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Our sexual response tends to change somewhat as our hormones fluctuate, so what felt wonderful last week may feel horrible this week. It’s not us being crazy or difficult, it’s just the way our bodies are. This is especially an issue for breast and nipple fondling. When a woman’s breasts are so tender it hurts for her to wear a bra, she generallly does NOT want you twisting her nipples like you’re trying to tune in Tokyo.
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Speaking of which, as a rule of thumb, unless you’ve gotten express permission never twist a woman’s nipples any further than you would want her to twist one of your testicles. Remember, those things are attached.
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Wet does not always equal ready. 'Nuff said.
And, as a male, I’ve been told that an ounce of enthusiasm makes up for a ton of pretentious ‘technique’.
So, uh, placing my beer on her buttocks while I’m doing her doggie style is wrong?
One way I avoid making this mistake is I call every woman I’m with (sexually) “my dirty little bitch.” Works fairly well.
Channel surfing to catch the last touchdown live and the action replay on the other channels can be gauche.
If not, you’ve found heaven.
shakes, you are soooo bad…
If a woman has told you that she does not like or get excited by your stroking, licking or doing anything else to the anal orifice then leave it the hell alone.
Men are like children sometimes, tell them not to touch something and they can’t resist touching it. Don’t touch the hot stove!
If you can do that and not worry that the beer is going to fall over or otherwise spill, I suggest you work on your technique so that she knows you’re there and hope to accomplish something. Either that, or sell your beer can-sized inertial dampener to NASA.
Yeah, dude. Doesn’t that make the can kinda smell?
How do the women feel about using one hand to put a pinky in the back door, two fingers inside and a thumb on the clit, using the other hand to play with one nipple and the mouth on the other nipple?
Guys should tease first. A lot. Just light, gentle little touches until the point where she almost can’t stand the anticipation any more, at which point you can move onto some of the more obvious stuff. Starting with some of that more obvious stuff, however, often isn’t as effective if you don’t wait for a bit and let the anticipation build. Also, unless she’s literally tearing your clothes off, don’t skip straight to sex without the foreplay.
If you aren’t comfortable with having sex during our periods, fine. But just say so gently. Don’t pull away in revulsion when we tell you it’s that time of the month.
If you are fingering a woman, make sure that your fingernails are cut short and are smooth. If you have a habit of chewing your nails, please file them before letting them near a vagina. Rough nails can hurt!
If she has a situation where having hickies on her neck can be a problem (such as work, etc.) and she tells you this, make sure to be very careful not to give her one. (Ladies- I’ve found undereye shadow concealer can help cover these- the one made by the brand Physician’s Formula, found at your local Walmart, Target, etc., works miracles.)
I think I love you.
For me, the biggest mistake is rolling off me and immediately asking
“So, did you come?”
If you have to ask, I didn’t.
I’d recommend skipping the pinky and then would be in awe at how one could be so coordinated and do all that at once. Sounds like years of training might go into such a move.
And I would also think, “What, am I a bowling ball now? Why must you pay attention to every single orifice at once?”
In certain circumstances, it might be a bit much.
For me, there have always been two things I’ve noticed guys doing when having sex:
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If it feels good when I squeeze this, it’ll feel even better if I squeeze even harder! Pretty self explanatory, but worth commenting on. If I make a sound that indicates you’re doing the right thing, continue doing it, then eventually move on. However, added pressure, especially when applied suddenly and without warning may make me yell and roll away.
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Going straight to the primary targets. Yes, I know my boobs and clit are the most sensitive parts of my body; however, they’re not the only parts of my body during sex, and they do eventually start to get over-sensitive to the point of pain if you apply attention only to them for 45 minutes before we even get to the sex part. Take your time and explore the rest of me - there’s more than enough surface area to go around.
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I think this is something that comes from being with the same person for a long time. I love that I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years (including dating & engagement); however, a little romance is still nice. Instead of walking up to me in the kitchen after a long day spent in front of my computer meeting deadlines, at least wait a few minutes before trying to get me into bed. Plus, saying, “So are you hungry or would you like to have sex?” while waggling your eyebrows suggestively is not generally the most likely way to get me into bed. Sometimes this works, but only rarely. In fact, I usually burst out laughing when presented with a question like this.
Such as in church.