Be gentle. Now, I’m not saying you can’t have rough sex, you most certainly can. But start out with a gentle hand. I don’t think many women enjoy rough finger play before they really get started. Most of us enjoy fingers during oral, but be careful and don’t be afraid to ask her how she likes to be touched. She’ll be glad to tell you harder, softer, slower, faster, etc. DO NOT ASSUME YOU ALREADY KNOW.
Don’t just take off and start pushing on the clit like it’s a Playstation button. We’re really really sensitive down there, and care must be used. Also, when we’ve just orgasmed from oral and we push your head away, DO NOT TRY TO KEEP LICKING. It does not feel good after a certain point.
Also, WASH YOUR SWEATY NUTSACK. If you want a good, thorough blowjob, make sure it’s all clean and nice. If anything down there smells, I’m moving right back up.
Most of all, tell her she’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen (even if it’s a white lie), and that it’s your honor to be with her. We love that kinda stuff.
For Og’s sake, ask a woman before approaching the back door. I’d probably kick you across the room if you tried that without so much as asking. Do not get near the back door, thank you VERY much.
Otherwise…sounds fine, though perhaps a bit much under some circumstances.
Oh, yes. Very good idea. You definitely want to make us feel beautiful. Tell us how beautiful we are. When you take our shirts off and start nuzzling our breasts, tell us how beautiful they are, etc. (But don’t go overboard here, or it will sound like you’re just saying things to get us into bed with you.
It’s official: Indygrrl is one of the coolest Dopers ever.
I’d agree with pretty much everything said so far. Especially the part about the theory of “If she likes what I’m doing, then I should do it harder/faster” Couldn’t be more wrong! If she likes what you’re doing, then just keep doing it. Even if you’re getting excited by her writhing, moans and heavy breathing, exercise some control and don’t start mashing away or increasing your rhythym.
Also, the clit is an erectile organ but with WAY more nerves, so if you put your finger right on it and start wiggling right away, it may be just too much. I’d suggest starting with general, gentle pressure to the area. If you lay your fingers flat against the upper lips, press slightly and move gently side to side, you’ll feel the clitoris as a kind of bump. This kind of stimulation is a much better way to get started.
Also I’ve noticed that some guys start out with the kissing/caressing, but once they’ve moved on to the good stuff they forget about the rest of you. Personally one of the most orgasm-heightening experiences I’ve had is having the guy stroke my belly and legs as he’s going down on me. Don’t forget the rest of her!
What else? If you’re doing the deed and you’re hitting her cervix, please change angles. That doesn’t feel good, and in that situation often we’re holding our breath and tilting our pelvis to minimize impact, or unwilling to say “ouch! stop that!” and kill the mood. Please try to be a bit sensitive to this, mmmkay?
Also, some women like having their nipples pinched hard. But its best to ask first.
Friendly advice courtesy of Ghanima…
What a handy man…
BUT again, let me stress; it doesn’t work for all women! Each woman is her own sexual playground. Talk about what she likes and tell her what you enjoy. Be up front about turn-ons that way there’s no confusion when it’s time to play. If you two don’t match up, get it out in the open early on before problems arise. Never assume to know what feels good to her, that’s just being an insensitive jerk. Communication is truly the guide to good sex.
Also, try to gauge her emotional state. That’ll help with knowing whether she wants it rough and rowdy or soft and loving. I can go both ways and it’s wonderful stuff. My SO seems to always know how I want it. Can you guess how? I’ll tell him by the way I kiss, my sounds, my movement, verbal clues, and putting his hand (or other things) right where I need it.
Don’t underestimate the art of kissing, it’s a great way to measure her mood.
I agree with everything said so far. And Evil One , that pinky, hand, hand, mouth thing sounds like a lot of work for not much in return (for me at least).
Which leads me to my suggestion: gymnastics for the sake of gymnastics are not good. Personally, I don’t like to use that time to find out how many positions my body can be folded into. If there’s a reason (like a better angle or you know she’s into it), go for it. But if you just feel like you should “change it up”, check on her first. If she’s happy, just let it ride.
Second biggest mistake guys make: My last girlfriend (some woman on the internet, my friend tells me his girlfriend, some porn star) loves this - so you will, too.
Biggest mistake: Not immediately correcting when first mistake turns out WRONG!
Really, sex is like food. Some people have a sweet tooth. Some people like their steak rare, others thing its gross. Some people like nuts in their chocolate, others don’t. Some people prefer a light healthy meal, others love multicourse extravaganzas of gluttony. Just because your last girlfriend loved sushi doesn’t mean this one will - and when its something like sushi, better ask before you make the reservations. And for Og’s sake, if it turns out she doesn’t like sushi, don’t keep taking her to a sushi bar.
I notice someone else said they loved you for this idea. I would dislike it intensely. If it was my first encounter with you, it would make me wonder what you were trying to overcompensate for.
I don’t want every area stimulated at once. And the whole pinky, thumb, two fingers inside would just feel too gynecological for me. I don’t need all my orifices penetrated at the same time.
I like the remark I read recently (though I can’t remember where) about the word foreplay - how it assumes that the goal of the situation is penetrative sex, and it isn’t a bad idea to drop the fore part and just go for play sometimes. Just enjoy touch and so on. Perhaps there’ll be penetrative sex at some point, perhaps there won’t. It’s all good.
But really, yeah, it’s down to listening to the woman you’re with, and making things comfortable for both of you to tell each other freely what feels good and what doesn’t.
What about quiet women that don’t emote much? Some women actually do just lay there, no body language, no verbal cues, nothing. I was with a girl like this and I knew I did something right (I think the neighbors knew too), but there was no feedback whatsoever before that. Asking for tips and likes/dislikes was like pulling teeth. I blame her, I was all about the communication, and she would have no part of it. Guess that’s why I’m not with her anymore.
You know, reading this thread has awakened me to the true tragedy of the human condition. I mean, think about it. If you were a sadistic bastard god and you sat down and designed a two-gendered species, could you possibly come up with one more incompatible (yet still mutually dependant) than we are?
More fuel to my “this planet is a big fucking rip off” fire.
