So I want to know how women ** in their late 20’s and 30’s ** feel about taking home guys for sex ?
After I saw a few snide remarks in the SMDB about guys not spending the night or about getting rid of them once sex is over got me a bit on alert. I’ve slept over on ocassion and I thought it was good… that the morning sex was great… or not ? I’m talking not about boyfriends… but “fuck buddies” or someone you made out last night.
Overall do you prefer that men not sleep over in your place ? Why ?
(A girl once told me she missed sleeping toghether… and enjoyed the “company”)
If you don’t like men sleeping over… how do you tend to show this ? What signs should a man look out for that he is welcome to the hanky panky… but not the sleeping over ?
If they do sleep over what are the do’s and don’ts for you ?
(walking naked, cuddling too much, turning on TV, sleeping late…)
What about sex in the morning… like it or not ?
How can we help to make it not such a wierd moment waking up together ? Its “intimacy” without the enthusiasm of the night before that seems wierd to me.
I can’t answer most of these questions because I’ve never had a guy stay over (as opposed to just coming over for some “fun”) who I wasn’t involved with in a relationship first. But I will tell you one of my big no-nos. DON’T wake me up for sex. Morning sex is fine if I’m already awake. But I hate to be woken up when I’m in a nice deep sleep. That’s what your hand is for!
So my advice would be perhaps to ask about this kind of thing, after the evening’s round of hanky panky but before falling asleep. Women are all different. Some like morning sex, some don’t. Some would probably love to be woken up. I’d rather have you ask (again, after the first round - don’t interrupt the initial excitement!) than to have you try something that would really annoy me. Although when it comes right down to it, I guess personally I’d really rather just go to sleep alone. Have the fun, maybe late into the night and maybe with little catnaps in between rounds, but then afterwards, I want my bed to myself. But, as I said, that is just me. YMMV and all other appropriate disclaimers.
Personally, unless I’m really into the guy, I’d prefer he take off afterwards. It avoids that whole next morning “who the hell is this” akwardness. Sleeping buddies are nice and all, but snoring, kicking, and sleep farts are all things best left to established relationships, IMO.
If the girl gets up afterwards and dresses, that’s a good sign not to get settled in. Ditto on comments about getting up early, or plans in the morning.
Sleepovers–likely everyone has different preferences here. The only one that really jumps out at me is the sleeping late. I don’t want some guy snoring away in my bed for hours while I try and tiptoe around. Get up when she gets up.
Morning sex rocks, and if I let the guy stick around it’s definitely welcome.
Back when I was young and single, and doing occasional casual sex, I popped for a hotel room, since I had a job making really great money. I could stay or go as I wanted, and the guy could stay or go as he preferred. Also had the great advantage of NOT letting random strangers know where I lived. I also gave out my business card with my work number instead of a home number. I always had an unlisted number so I wasn’t concerned about someone looking me up in the phone book=)
If we hit it off and decided to date more long term, if they lasted more than a month or 2 they would get to find out where I lived and my home number.
<one of my phobias is strangers in my house. When we have people over to sweep the chimney or do repairs I have to leave the house. I can’t be here when they are here it seriously skeeves me out. That is the main reason I tolerated room mates when I was single, so they could be the ones waiting for the invader…>
I don’t take strangers home. The times that I’ve slept with strangers have all been at parties held by mutual friends, and the party is where we hooked up (and sometimes crashed). I don’t care how horny I am, I’m not wandering off with a guy I don’t know – let alone to either of our houses. However, I can count on half a hand the number of times that has happened: when I have casual sex, it’s usually with someone I already know.
Overall do you prefer that men not sleep over in your place ? Why ?
I’d rather go to his place so that I can leave afterwards. I’ll stay if it’s incredibly late or something (for example, the last time I had casual sex he was too drunk to get it up that night, but I stayed over so we could fool around the next morning), but unless I’m in a relationship I prefer waking up in my own bed by myself. And I can’t remember the last time I had casual sex at my house: my home is my sanctuary, and only people I care about get invited in. Last but not least, I’d rather be the one doing the leaving afterwards than have to wonder about whether he’ll ever get dressed.
If you don’t like men sleeping over… how do you tend to show this ? What signs should a man look out for that he is welcome to the hanky panky… but not the sleeping over ?
I think if I were ever to bring someone to my place, I’d just keep the sex to the living room (things tend to “intensify” on the couch, anyway). No need to go upstairs if he’s not staying the night.
If they do sleep over what are the do’s and don’ts for you ?
It’s been forever since anyone has slept over at my place, so I can’t really answer this. Even with the last guy I dated: we were together for a little over two months, and the one time we spent the night together it was at his place.
What about sex in the morning… like it or not ?
I love it, but only if the “original” sex went well. If he was selfish or otherwise annoying in bed the night before, no morning happiness for mister happy. Which is another reason I prefer to leave rather than spend the night: you never know how someone is going to be in bed until it’s too late. If he was great I can look into hooking up again sometime, but if he was no-so-great I don’t have to deal with being poked in the back the next day.
Why not just ask? Really, once your naughty bits have swapped fluids I think a “So, would you prefer I stay or go?” is completely acceptable. Maybe that’s just me though, I’m not much of one for subtle hints and games.
I wouldn’t have sex with someone I didn’t want to stay all night. 'Cause I like to have someone to mess around with when I wake up in the middle of the night. And sleepy morning sex is lovely Plus, if he stays overnight, he can bring me breakfast in bed. Even better if mimosas are involved.
Heh, people are strange. I used to ask but some women get all indignent for me even asking. To them it was a given that I should stay.
As some one said above, I’d really prefer to leave to avoid that whole awkwardness of “Wow! I’ve had sex with this person and I don’t even know them.”
Then too there’s that whole deal to where you have to pretend like you’re as friendly with this person as you were the night before. Also, when you finaly do say your goodbyes there’s that really really awkward departing kiss. Which the awkwardness of this kiss is only compounded by the self conscience thought that your breath probably isn’t all that great from all the drinking the night before.
/shudders.
I will say this though; Nothing turns me on more when I’m doing the one night stand thing, then when we’re done the lady will say to me: “If you get the urge in the middle of the night feel free to wake me up.”
I’d much rather bring him to MY place than vice versa.
I hate waking up in an unfamiliar bed with only dirty clothes to wear and dirty hair to deal with and my contacts all dry and scratchy (since, when I sleep over with someone, it’s generally unplanned and I don’t bring my contact stuff with me)
It’s easier for me to deal with kicking someone out than being kicked out
I’d rather HE worry about how to get home. I hate asking people for rides.
I know I have condoms at home. Does he? WHO KNOWS
I know my place is clean. Is his? WHO KNOWS? Once I hooked up with a club bouncer whose bathroom had no trash can, but just a pile of trash in the corner. YUCK.
Anyway, when I bring guys back, my rule of thumb is to get the details out of the way first. I tell them where the bathroom is and I generally say I have to be somewhere at 11am. That way, if I decide I like them, I can admit in the morning that I made it up and they’re welcome to stay longer. Plus, it’s an easy way of saying, yes, you can sleep over.
I think the key to spending the night is to plan to leave promptly the next morning. You don’t HAVE to, but plan to anyway. She’ll stop you if she wants you to stick around. I dunno, I consider not sleeping over to be a bit of an insult. I generally take off after sex when I don’t really like the guy but am just horny, you know, and don’t want to deal with him in the morning. If I like him, it’s nice to fall asleep next to someone.
I agree that waking someone up in the morning for another round is pretty damn presumptuous. Again, you should be able to tell when she wakes up if she’s interested in that or not.
Please don’t walk around naked. Wrap a towel around yourself, for god’s sake, you’re a guest in someone’s home! And if she stays over, give her a towel so she can go to the bathroom during the night without taking a sheet with her (b/c that’s stupid and only happens on TV). Cuddling is good. Turning on the TV, you mean at night, afterwards? If she’s going to sleep, go to sleep! Sheesh.
And, for the record, I always demand an awkward goodbye kiss before leaving. I look upon it as an entitlement.
I tend to prefer them to stay unless I thought the whole thing was a bad plan very quickly. It has happened.
As for the signs. I would cuddle up or spoon and go to sleep. And if I wanted them to go I would say, nice and politely but firmly: “I think you’d better go now.”
So let me see if I’ve got this straight - you’ll have sex with a bouncer that you hooked up with, and you’ll lie to him about having to be some place in the morning (but you may change your mind depending on how good the sex is), but you don’t want to see him naked? :dubious:
The contacts thing is a consideration … and one of the reasons I generally don’t stay overnight.
I’ve never gone to someone’s place if I didn’t have a way home (usually my own car).
Carry some with you at all times. I have two in my purse RIGHT NOW! If there’s the slightest chance I might hook up with someone, I make sure I have them on me. Not only might the guy be condom-less, but I don’t know the quality of whatever he has: I’m not using some old/cheap/poorly made thing when I could easily bring my own.
Why is it ok for you to take off if you’re just horny, but not the guy? If you’re having sex with someone you don’t really know, I think it’s a bit much to be insulted by the idea of being used.
Couldn’t disagree with you more: everyone should be able to walk around naked! Especially in the middle of the night, if I’m just getting up to go to the bathroom. Chances are the guy won’t even realize I’ve left the bed – why try to be modest? Besides, I don’t know how you have sex, but when I do it we’re both completely naked (and it’s not usually pitch dark) … nothin’ to hide after that.
Yeah, I tend to do that, too. Nothing fancy or passionate, usually just a quick peck on the lips. But I make 'em do it.
When I was single, and did this sort of thing (occasionally) I always wanted to go to his house. Why? My house is my castle. I don’t want mementoes of some strange guy there.
And I always left, never spent the night. Never particularly wanted to wake up next to him in the morning, either.
I’ll have it be known that this was not a common thing for me, however. No reason other than a conservative upbringing and safety worries.
One night stand–I would go to his place, and leave as early as possible. It would be necessary to sleep part of the drunkenness off in order to drive.
Fuck buddy–He can come over, have a glass or two of wine (or not), do me, and then leave. It sounds cruel, but it really works out much better that way and defines the relationship as what it is, just sex. He then gets no false notion that there is more to it than that.
Also, if it was good, this would be noted for the next time I ran into him. Then we can go from there, depending on a variety of factors. Who knows though? It might just end the exact same way. Either way, he’s happy.
Ugh, morning sex annoys me. I wish I could enjoy it, but I’m very much NOT a morning person. Honestly, I’d rather be sleeping. And the last thing I want is a somewhat-unfamiliar guy (who I’m not used to waking up next to) attempting to fondle me in the wee hours of the morn. Why don’t they come with SLEEP buttons?
I’m not even sure I’d want the guy staying the night. If I’m really into him, and he’s really cuddly, and there’s quite possibly a future between us, then sure. But if the sex thing doesn’t go too well, and there’s not much “chemistry,” the morning after is likely to be even less pleasant. Women differ on this issue, obviously. I’d suggest you flat out ask her, “should I stay?” or “Do you think it’s a good idea for me to stay over?” I wouldn’t be turned off if a guy asked me that.
Walking around naked - this isn’t a big deal for me either way.
Sleeping late - when she gets up, you should get up, unless she tells you otherwise.
Cuddling too much - is there such a thing?
Turning on the TV - that’s kind of common sense. You don’t just roll over and turn the TV on. You could ask if she wants to watch a movie or something, I suppose. Communication, man!
George: I have tell you, I’m pretty impressed with the first one.
Jerry: Spending the night. Optional.
George: No, you see? You got greedy.
Jerry: No, that’s the rule. It’s optional.
George: I know less about women than anyone in the world. But one thing I do know is they’re not happy if you don’t spend the night. I could be a hot, sweaty room with no air conditioning and all they have is a little army cot this wide (Displays with French fry) You’re not going anywhere.
I’ve never invited a guy back to my place, all my casual hook-ups involved guys met at parties and going back to his place. I don’t think I’d invite anyone back to my place unless I was interested in more than just a hook-up. I also try to bolt as soon as the drunk wears off (which has offended guys in the past). I don’t particulary like sleeping in the same bed as other people (I’m a very light sleeper and even my cat wakes me up), can’t get past morning breath, and never feel like dealing with some relatively unfamiliar guy I just had sex with when I’m hung-over.