A little boy is pulling a string down the road…
Man to little boy…"Why are you pulling that string?
Little boy to man…“You ever tried to push one?”
Lets hear yours.
Grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender looks at grasshopper and says, “You know, we serve a drink here that’s named after you.”
Grasshopper puts his beer down and says to the bartender, “You serve a drink called ‘Steve’”?
Wanna hear a dirty joke??
What happened to the horse after he jumped over the hedge?
He fell into a mud puddle (-:
One time, we owned a horse that wouldn’t win any races. Turns out he had a bad leg. So we shot him.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
I apologise.
Alex
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“Well, it’s cute, but can you really breathe through that?”
A car full of blondes:D was traveling to Dallas. They came upon a sign that read “Dallas Left”. So they turned around and went back home.
“Who gave you that hickey?”
“I did it myself”
“How did you do that?”
“I stood on a chair”
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side.
Q: Name the 4 waterfowl found in the chest
A: 1) The esophagoose
2) The azygoose
3) The hemi-azygoose
4) The thoracic duck
What’s blue and doesn’t fit any more?
A dead epileptic.
why do elephants have big ears?
Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom
Why is a fire engine red?
It has six wheels and six men. Six and six is twelve. There are twelve inches in a ruler. One of the greatest rulers was Queen Victoria. She ruled over the seven seas. In the seven seas are fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Russians, and the Russian flag is red.
How do you eat a frog?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
One leg over each ear!
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A skeleton walks into a bar. He says, “Bartender–I’ll have a beer and a mop.”
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A termite walks into a pub. He goes over to one of the other patrons and says, “So… is the bar tender here?”
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Q: Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski?
A: The first telephone Pole! (yuk, yuk, yuk.)
Two strings walk into a restaurant. The maitre d’ says “We don’t serve strings here.” One string gives up and goes home. The other makes a loop and pulls one end through, then ravels both ends. It goes back into the restaurant. “Aren’t you one of those strings I just threw out of here?” the maitre d’ asks.
“No,” replies the string. “I’m a frayed knot.”
God is talking to Noah.
God: Noah, I’d like you to build me another ark.
Noah: Certainly God. Same specifications as before?
God: God no! This one needs to be twenty storeys high.
Noah: Twenty storeys? You’ve got it. Anything else?
God: God yes! I want you to fill it with fish.
Noah: Twenty storeys with fish. OK. Nothing else?
God: Yes. The fish must all be of the carp family.
Noah: Twenty storeys, filled with fish, exclusively carp.
God: Check.
Noah: God, this is a strange request. Care to explain?
God: I just fancy a multi-storey carp ark.
A ship carrying red paint collides with a ship carrying purple paint.
The survivors are all marooned.
Why did the jelly roll?
Because it saw the apple turnover!
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with colorful bicycle parts.