Her hubby, WithaK, returns from Afghanistan and kicks Horseflesh’s ass.
And you tell your mom EVERYTHING? Haven’t you learned about that yet? How the conversation SHOULD go:
Mom: “Where ya going?”
You: “Out.”
Mom: “What are you going to do?”
You: “Nothing.”
Mom: “Who you going with?”
You: “Nobody.”
Mom: “When will you be home?”
You: “Later.”
Mom: “Have a nice time.”
You: “Maybe.”
Nope. Would never work. She’d go shoot out my tires or something if I tried that. She’s gotta know specifics. My dad, however, would probably say something like:
Dad: “Looks like you’re leaving. Have fun, or don’t. Eat before you come back; you probably won’t end up making it back before dinner.”
Except he wouldn’t use a semicolon when he spoke.
Well, I killed the thread. (But judging by the fact that I’m posting this, everyone can tell where I’m not.)
We are back from the bar. It is taking me a long time to write this post, because I have been drinking. Horseflesh just brought me my only ashtray and I am greatful.
Charley tried to follow us home from the bar. Richard was quite enamored with Horseflesh as well. I’ve been drinking, so if this doesn’t make any sense, you know why.
The first dopers should start rteciving crank clalls shorlty. {b}HF shaid I should leave my typos in ther e so you ca n see (I’m laughing too hard to tpye>).
I ca’nt find the submit button. Ohhh - there it is - shineeeeeeeeeeeeey.
We ran the bar out of jello shots!!! sperfur bought them out, and not only did I manage to sm,uggle one home, but I also managed to cram it up her nose in an unfortunate jello misfire. As you can tell, I might be a tad (just a smigdge) inebriated.
While we didn’t find any hot chicke s for serpf to dance with, there were at least two guys that wouldn’t leave me alone (see above post)… Thanks to Charlie for showing us the wasy to the exit to {sperff’s** house. You dance like crap tho, leajrn some new moves.
b sperfur** fell down in the parking lot (and fortunately she got to ride home sitting down), but now I must save her cats from golf ball abuse (to be explained later).
I hafta go now or she’ll steal the rest of m y scigarettes. Damn sperfur. At least I know where the Submit buttton iss… Ooooh, it IS shinyyyyyy…
I posted that under sperfy’s name. That was by me, Horseflesh.
OMFG, what the hell is she doing to the cats now? 'scuse me.
I hade to llog bafk in. Remember me? How could the SD forget me?
I crfawled around onthe floor chasing the cats and they don’t think its funny. {b]HeF[/]f and I are discussing how Japser sticks his head on ehthe shopping button on the keyboard.
We lost all the dar t games because we kept dgetting distratcted fromm the dart board. {b]HF** kicked me but in 0pool twice on the pool table. Dammit.
Supercalafragalisticaecxpialidociousl.
He made me do it.
I am so pissing off thec at right onow.
sperfur: Do you have any idea how many calories that much alcohol has? Think of the starving children in Ethiopia!
(I hope his mom said that to him too when he didn’t clean his plate.)
The other greatest line from last night - I forgot but HF reminded me:
The carpet’s touching me! Its touching my face!
I was hanging onto the floor so I didn’t fall off.
Sounds like a good time. I’m glad you made it back from the bar OK.
Did anybody show up other than the equine one?
Nope. We did call Cosmopolitan and Baker from the restaurant this evening, so they could join us remotely, if only for a moment.
We tried to call you, but apparently I don’t have a correct phone number for you. The crank calls to Dopers whose phone numbers we have will continue as soon as my phone recharges.
Woo, I got mine. I should have given you another wrong number, a sort of preemptive prank call.
I encouraged her to keep a time for Horseflesh’s competitive dishwasher fixing, so that there would be some element of competitiveness. I expect it to be posted, and for other dopers to engage in similar activities at other dopefests. If there was ever a metric for the goodness of a dopefest, time spent fixing dishwashers would be it.
Can’t make it to the dopefest? We bring the dopefest to you!
We called Wikkit, Erika and dropzone, who were able to spend a few minutes with us during the dishwasher installation competition. So far, the dishwasher is winning, but I think HF will prevail in the end.
HF wants me to mention that its incredibly difficult to drill a hole with a paddle bit through inch-thick plywood when you can’t find the charger for the drill.
Jasper won the feline treadmill race this morning by default. The monster kitty decided not to run.
After lazing around until 5 pm, we went to Lowe’s for supplies for the dishwasher installation competition. Then we ate dinner at the Bread Basket Cafe - it was quite delicious. Pineapple, turkey and cream cheese is an amazingly tasty combination.
Don’t know anymore doper’s phone numbers, unfortunately, and the fest is winding down. I had a great time and wish more of you could have made it. Those of you that weren’t here on the phone were here in spirit. 
Well, the dishwasher defeated me once again. Not only does the water pump have a pinhole leak in it, but the drain nozzle is too small for the rubber drain hose (yes, my rubber was TOO big… :D).
BUT, I did get the power hooked up properly, the water hose connected (and a size bigger hose at that!), and I finally got the 3/8" hole manually drilled through the 1" thick plywood to thread the hose through. I got smart and put the paddle bit into the non-functioning drill, held the drill in place and turned the chuck by hand.
And a big, BIG thanks to Jim at Lowes, aka Know-It-All Jim, that helped us determine whether we needed a doohicky, thingamajigger, whatsit, or whizpin to hook our dishwasher up. He convinced us to buy something totally different than what we were looking for (and it worked much better).
Stay tuned for Round 3, Horseflesh gets jiggy with the Dishwasher That Wouldn’t Die.
As I said on the phone, I pay good money for an unlisted phone number and all you had to do was look it up through Yahoo? Now my wife thinks the world is full of crazed stalkers set to phone me. “You spend too long on that computer and this is what comes of it.”
Wow… sounds like fun. Had I not been scared off Dopers at the last KCDopefest I mighta gone! 
You scared people at your last Dopefest? Me too! {{{Whammo}}}
Baaahh… I hate me too posts! 
If she’s so worried about us calling on the phone, I guess you’d better not tell her that we’re sitting outside your house right now with binoculars.
Look out the window - no, the other window. See that white van with the tinted windows? That’s us. :eek:
The Dodge Caravan? The one parked right next to my bedroom window? Jebus, I thought that belonged to my neighbors! But, but they are on vacation, aren’t they? You are diabolical!
:eek: