As a last ditch effort, I paid out of pocket for Botox around November of this year. (It cost me something like $600, which hurt more than the 40 shots!) Unfortunately, it didn’t help me, but everyone is different and I’m not sorry I tried it. Not being able to move my eyebrows at all for a few months was REALLY freaking weird, but funny. And not to mention I had a baby smooth forehead. So hey, something fun to possibly look forward to. 
I wanted to tell you, Duke, that since this is an international message board, someone is usually here around the clock, and although The Dope doesn’t bill itself as a suicide prevention line, if you ever need some to talk to, then that 24-7 person would be me, and I would be happy to speak with you in chat or over the phone if and when you need someone.
Just keep it in mind, okay?
Thanks
Quasi
Hi, Duke. I didn’t know you weren’t doing well, and I hope things get better. I wondered what you were up to and then I saw this thread. I’ll be thinking of you.
Anya
Duke *You are not alone in this struggle. *
Get atop the migraine situation and the bleakness will be more manageable. I’ve been a migraineur for 30+ years and happily will share what I’ve learned to help you through the hell you’re in. I know there are other dopers with migraine issues that will jump right in with their advice and what works for them.
Never stop moving towards the sunshine.
The more I read James Altucher’s blog, the more I love it.
Plug All of Your Leaks or You Will Die
I just hope I have enough fingers to stick in the holes!! 
Shirley, I’ve had migraines since about age 10 myself. These ones are just miles worse and present differently from any I’ve had before (although at least I’m not very nauseous from them, like the ones I had when I was a teenager). I’ve never had problems with blood pressure and migraines, either, so it’s a little troubling. I’m going to talk to the neurologist about Inderal next week–some years ago I was on it for migraine maintenance, and it did seem to help. Unfortunately last night was a real head-pounder of a headache again, about 9/10 on the pain scale. I heard people mowing their lawns on the other side of town. Doesn’t do much for one’s outlook on life.
Thanks anya marie
Meeting with the boss went well yesterday. He’s interested in the project. I’ve already started sending out inquiries on programming courses; looks like they will help pay for them. It’s too bad we don’t have those courses here, as then they’d be free and convenient. People here at work are being more supportive…I’ve got one person who’s appointed herself as my nutritionist, since her husband has high BP too.
But things are moving along, and every time I read this thread I smile. Thanks.
I get Botox for my migraines and it’s the only thing that has provided any form of relief. I have quite low blood pressure, so some of the therapies they tried had to be stopped anyway and one (Topomax) caused an anaphylactic reaction.
The Botox makes the headaches respond to medication better, it does not eliminate them - so what would normally take up to a week to pass, I can now get rid of in a few hours. That is a HUGE relief. I find Maxalt and Zomig rapid melts to work well for me, in combination with the Botox, which I now get every four months.
Duke, I don’t know you well at all, but I know what it’s like to struggle with health issues and feel like you are failing at everything. I also went through a severe depression a number of years ago - if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me. I can’t promise that I’ll have a ton of answers, but I am a good listener.
Duke, are you seeing a therapist? I know you have a lot on your plate, but it really is remarkable how much it can help, just talking about what’s going on with you in a safe environment.
I think I am going to like this. Alot.
Duke, I am so sorry you’re going through this, man. But I am so proud of you for making this post and being willing to face the issues you have.
I have severe recurrent major depressive disorder myself, and when I was 20 I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. I remember when I was hospitalized there was a woman in my room who was on her 8th stay in the psych ward, and I thought to myself, ‘‘That is never going to be me.’’ I determined to figure out a way to always take care of myself, to never let it get to that point. It didn’t happen overnight, but I can’t tell you how much better things are eight years later. There was a time when I believed I would never, ever experience happiness, but now I consider myself basically happy despite the fact that I do have chronic depression. i found a way to live the life I wanted to live anyway.
The reason for that is I finally found proper treatment, and this is what I suggest to you. Be picky about the kind of therapy you get. The person’s credentials aren’t nearly as important as the type of intervention they provide. You will be best looking for an evidence-based treatment - CBT is currently the most proven and effective treatment for depression. A new evidence-based treatment which I have recently started is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - ACT - and I’m pretty impressed with it so far too. Then there is this book which has been shown to be, by itself, just as effective as a therapist - it too changed my life. When you have depression this severe it really is a lifelong journey trying to understand and improve things. Maybe someday you will be completely free of depression, but the best advice I can give you in the moment is to accept that it’s there. You don’t have to act on it, just accept the fact that you are depressed. It doesn’t have to be an emergency. Pay attention to how your body feels, extend compassion toward the places that hurt, and tell yourself that it’s okay. And promise yourself no matter how bad it gets, you won’t do anything destructive. It is those destructive acts that magnify the damage and control depression has over your life.
In the end everybody has to find their own way to a good place but that’s how I have found mine. I wish you the very best of luck.
Duke, I’ve been lurking in this thread without knowing what to say. Best wishes for all aspects of your life.
I’m sure there are many others who are lurking like I am … in admiration.
I have to say I don’t feel too brave right now. I feel beat down, but I’m getting through, and all of you are helping.
Going to post more really soon. Between the continuing migraines and the depression my thoughts aren’t too clear now, but I am thinking of all of you.
Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.-John Wayne.
Man up, bro. I know it ain’t easy. But ya can’t let the bastards beat you. You can handle this thing. One day at a time.
Yay! I’m glad someone else is enjoying it, too!
Moving along. I’ve started seeing better days, emotions-wise. Unfortunately Friday night and Saturday were wrecked by migraine. Most of Saturday was spent on a couch curled up in a ball while LBC stood guard over me. At this point I just hope the neurologist just loads up a big gun with Botox tomorrow. None of the four triptan drugs I’ve taken have had much of an effect.
I’m thinking that short-term disability might be an option, which tells you something about how concerned I am about myself–up until earlier this year I hadn’t even taken a real vacation in five years, and I don’t like to be away from work for long. But I realize I’ve got an awful lot coming up (presenting at one conference, organizing and hosting another soon, plus taking computing classes in the fall and starting the Big Project) and I have to be ready for it. And honestly I’m still not all there mentally and physically. Summer is a quiet time in this office, so a week out might not be impossible. It’s something to think about, though in all honesty I’ve had a hard time of thinking of much lately.
My migraines are just “migrainettes”, yours are on the other end of the scale. I hope the doc can find a way to deal with them fast, because I’m amazed that you can function at all while in that kind of pain.
You end up moving the goalposts with the pain, and you end up doing things that prolong the problem. So I’ll say to myself, “Oh, the pain is only 7/10 today compared to yesterday’s 9/10, so I’ll go do the laundry and mow the lawn,” or play video games or look at stats books or do something else that bumps the pain right back up to 9/10. (10/10 is reserved for “tell the cat to stop breathing so loudly or my head will explode.”) Physical activity seems to be the worst trigger recently.
It’s sad because there are times when I wonder what I could have done, or be doing, with all the time I’ve lost in my life due to migraine. Just in the last week I had to cancel going to another conference (although that was out of fear of panic attack as well–I was afraid to navigate a strange city’s public transport system alone with sky-high blood pressure, and this is coming from someone who loves to travel alone), and missed playing in my first cricket match in two years. It’s bad to have to miss out on things like that.
Counseling session and a neurologist appointment today. And I need them both…I have been staring blankly at a report while the back of my neck pulses. It’s not good to be this restless.
Please do seriously consider it. The FMLA is there for a reason. If the organization you work for is anything like mine, the process of applying for a medical LOA is pretty painless. You deserve some time to focus on getting healthy.
Meeting with the neurologist went well–we’re going to try big doses of Depakote as a maintenance medication, then probably add a calcium-channel blocker too. If that doesn’t work, we’ll go for the Botox, and if that fails, there are some other possibilities. Talked to HR about the possibility of taking some time off during the summer to if nothing else break the cycle of migraine-blood pressure-migraine, or to go to a headache clinic.
Meeting with counselor harder than I thought but I am moving in the right direction I think.