I’m so glad to see other people doing this.
- Cat Whisperer, owner of a lifetime supply of tabasco sauce
Oh, yes.
- Zsofia, mustard. Always mustard.
The Deadline Rule:
The faster you need to get something done the more times you’ll need to redo it, whether from you screwing up, the computer failing, or the customer changing their mind.
Ludovic’s Overprotesting Law: The more a musical artist talks about keepin’ it real, not selling out, and not caring what the critics think, the more they will be fake, interested mostly in cash, and acutely cultivating of their image.
The Law of Hair-styling: Screwing around the house and yard, my hair will come out perfectly with almost no effort. Going out in public, the amount of effort I put in and the results will be proportional to how important the event is; effort in a direct relation, and results in an inverse relation.
We could arrange a 3-way trade and then make some spicy sandwiches.
I had 3 bottles of olive oil all with the same expiration date. Now I have 2 expired bottles of olive oil.
Yeah, well, you’re not participating in our trade.
Law of Leftovers - When you save a large amount of a delicious meal, you won’t be in the mood to eat that again until exactly one day after it goes bad.
Milkman’s Gamble - If you sniff it first, it’s fine. If you have already put it on your cereal, it is sour.
That one’s true. That’s a real thing.
Clothes that look like it would fit you would not once you reach home.
The Law of Electrical Plugs: Whenever you try to plug something in, the cord is ALWAYS upside down the first time and won’t go in.
I think this can be generalized a little. If you have to tell someone you have a certain quality, you don’t have that quality. This goes for used-car salesmen with the word “honest” in their name, people with the word “sexy” printed on their butt, porn stars that have to describe themselves using words other than their name, people calling themselves ‘cool’, poor people buying shiny stuff to look rich…