Laws of Nature.

Law one:

If you are on your way somewhere and it’s raining slightly, and you are not wearing clothing suitable for heavy rain; no matter how long the journey is; about two minutes before you reach your sheltered destination the rain will get heavier and you’ll arrive at your destination uncomfortably wet.

If you have a hood attached to your clothing and you put it over your head for the light rain period, the light rain will immediately stop, but you won’t be able to tell, so you’ll look foolish wearing your hood in the not-rain.

Putting up your hood for the last two minutes won’t cancel out the first part of this Law. It is only capable of invalidating the second.

If your car has an electrical issue wherein once the wipers are on they may or may not turn off again, and you wait until you’re sure it’s raining hard before you turn them on so you don’t look stupid driving with wipers on and no rain, it will immediately stop raining.

The converse is also true.

If you are riding a motorcycle and it starts to rain, it will continue raining until you find a dry place to pull over and put on your raingear. Once you have put on your raingear and continue on your journey, it will stop raining completely before you have gone 5 miles.

Even when you wait for all the leaves on your trees to fall, after you rake your yard there will be a storm to blow the leaves from you neighbor’s tree into your yard.

The heaviness of freeway traffic is proportional to how late you are for an appointment.

No good deed goes unpunished.

You will always be granted your fondest desire once it is no longer desired.

Any evil which befalls an enemy will be reported on the day you do not buy a newspaper.

If you are carrying something with both hands your nose will itch.

If your thoughts turn to swatting the fly that’s flying around the room, it will disappear into an alternate universe.

It will come back ten seconds after you go back to what you were doing.

Flies are really good at finding their way into rooms.

They are however extremely bad at finding their way back out.

So . . . it’s the same principle as unpaired socks. Except that when the missing sock travels to the alternate universe, if it comes back at all, it’s in the form of a wire coat hanger.

I guess being able to traverse universes makes finding your way out of a room just too mundane to contemplate. That’s good, because I have a rolled up newspaper I’d like it to contemplate instead.

Cat’s brains are hard-wired to want to be on the other side of shut doors.

(If you let them into the room on the other side, the room they were just in becomes the new ‘other side’)

Turn the lights off; they’ll leave, provided there’s more light somewhere outside the room.

And one I’ve just witnessed (to remind me of the law)…

Cats will only drink water if it’s in a normal ‘human’ glass, that requires the cat to put its whole head in the glass. If you see this and try to give the cat some water in a bowl or saucer. the cat will ignore it.

If you wash your car with a 30% chance of showers, there is a 70% chance that your car will get rained on w/in 24 hours.

If you buy a 4WD or AWD vehicle, there is an 80% chance you will have the warmest winter on record the same year.

If enough people buy snowplows and snow-blowers, there will not be another winter with large amounts of snow until at least 75% of those machines have rusted out from disuse.

You must be my neighbor. Strangley, no matter how hard the wind blows and how ever many time my neighbor rakes, my yard remains covered in leaves.

Speaking of laws of nature - the other day I saw a bumpersticker that said:

Obey Gravity.
It’s the Law.

I laughed until my wife gave me The Look. Anybody know where I can find them?

No matter how little your dog barks, and how little you talk on the phone, there’s a pretty good chance that when you get a phone call that the dog will get a random case of “I think there’s maybe something outside that I need to bark at.”

ThinkGeek
ZipperJJ That just happened to me. I had to go into the bathroom to finish the conversation. Thankfully I cleaned it very recently.