Was part of the ill fated Sahara Mountain Rescue Team
Shot by Johnny Cash in Reno.
Wasn’t paying attention when Indy told him to keep his eyes closed.
Having a fatwa declared on him after writing a satrical book about Mohammed.
Let Greedo get the first shot.
Ate too much lunch from another elephant’s butt.
Ice skating on a mountain lake.
Burned to death in the Great Sahara forest fire
Tried to fast-draw on Paladin.
Pahdnur. 
Used apostrophe’s wrong.
Had a run-in with the dentist from Little Shop of Horrors.
Got caught in one of those plastic rings that hold a six-pack together.
Annoyed a Wal-Mart greeter.
Had headphones cranked way too loud.
Was overcome by a debate about cod on the Parliamentary Affairs Channel.
Suffered from an excess of cool.
Embolism while climbing Mount Everest.
Exploded while lighting a fart.
Eaten by alligators in the New York sewers.
Terrified by the interior decorating job (as bought) in FairyChatMom’s new house.
Beheaded by Islamic terrorists.
Acting as a Palestinian suicide bomber.
I scrubbed and scrubbed and still can’t get the image out of my brain.
Must. not. click. link. again.
Unable to defend “Three Stooges” style “Two Finger” eye poke.
Got caught by Mom.
Went swimming too soon after eating.
Tried to add a sixth hand grenade to his juggling routine.
Throwing up overdose of sleeping pills, gets head caught in toilet and drowns.
Shot while visiting Reno.
Victim of Hannibal Letcher
BURP
Onto some bullets, perhaps?
For Ale’s benefit:
Runway incursion accident at a model airplane tournament.
Lost at sea on a three hour tour.
Infection from multiple trunk piercings.
Wood chipper accident in North Dakota.
Attempting Fear Factor stunts at home.
Good heavens! I almost got nailed myself that way once!
A quarter scale aerobatic plane lost control doing a torque roll and flipped over me, it missed my head by less than half a meter and crashed a couple meters behind me.
Mind you, i wasn´t scared one bit, honest!
Oh yes, more pachidermal mayhem:
Being strangled with it´s own trunk.
Falling to death while playing Tinkerbell on a Peter Pan play when the cables used to make it fly snapped.
Stunt double mishap.
Jumping off the Hollywood sign.
Getting violated by a coke bottle.
Being lobotomized by its mother.
Inviting Cathy Smith back to its hotel room.
Got on wrong bus: the bus to hell…
Squished by very large falling ant.
Run over by Messerschmitt Kabinenroller.
In a bizarre accident involving a time machine, a liquid lunch, and thirty-seven rubber bands.
With Old Yeller by his side.
Taken down by the SWAT Team after knocking down the Old Mahouts’ Home.
Facing a slightly-confused gladiator in The Arena.
On a treadmill. At the club. Alone.
In an excess of emotion after beling jilted by Britney Spears.
Over and over and over and over and over…