"Leave me alone" MEANS Leave Me Alone! *Stalker Rant*

The BBQ Pit
1

Why do I attract guys who are incredible jerks or just plain weird? Two years ago, I dealt with a stalker that forced me to change my phone number. He used to wait outside of the place I worked hoping to catch me. Thankfully there was a back door so I would escape through there.

However, fast forward two years. New job, new stalker.

This guy is ten times worse. While the other one was rather harmless and got the hint when my phone number changed and I kept getting away through the back entrance, this one is more persistent. Keeps telling me I’m the one he’s meant to marry and he doesn’t mean that in a romantic way, I can tell.

He phones me…like constantly. Thank god I have Caller ID so I ignore it now. But my parents are annoyed because he would call every hour. Thank god he doesn’t have my cell phone number. However, he got one of my email addresses and started spaming it with scary messages.

The final straw is the new place I work at now, I work night shifts and am alone most of the time. I usually check to make sure the door is lock in the front. I went out to check and there he was, standing there waiting for me. I was totally freaked. Thankfully the door was already locked. I had to go in the studio and called my boss and tell him that I was uncomfortable.

Then…I didn’t hear from him in awhile. I left the studio, locked the door and proceeded to my car. That’s when it happened - he attacked me from behind. Thankfully I’m very fit, know self-defense and took martial arts because I pretty much escaped. Had to file a police report. Had to file a restraining order.

I swear, when I told him way back when to leave me alone…why don’t they listen? Instead they develop this obsession and then since they can’t “have” their obsession, they want to kill them? Because as I was sitting in the police station, they pretty much said if I didn’t get away, he probably would have done alot of things to me and then probably killed me. Grrrrreeeaaatt.

I’m so flipping tired of this.

Thankfully, I haven’t sat back and not talked about it. My best friend has been a constant support through the months where I felt completely isolated and scared. I told no one else the details of what was going on.

But honestly…why me?

Jazz

2

I’m sorry to hear this. I’m really relieved to read that you know self-defense and some martial arts. I don’t know what else you can do, short of carrying some sort of self-defense weapon, and I don’t know if that’s legal where you live. I, personally, believe that if I have to resort to physical means, that I’m going to make SURE that the other person has no doubts whatsoever that I mean business. I don’t slap or push, I hit hard.

Some guys just seem to get it in their heads that they’re entitled to any woman they want, and they just won’t take hints. I hope that the restraining order penetrates his thick skull.

3

>But honestly…why me?

Jazz<
I don’t want to offend you , you got enough problems right now but actually that is a good question, being this is the second time.

If it was me, I’d look into what I could do to avoid future incidents. In life I know that I can’t control other poeple but I can change myself if I want to.

Again, not saying anything is your fault - just might want to look at what you can change to avoid future incidents.

4

Well, the first guy, he was asking me for a date and I wasn’t interested. He got my number from someone else. Someone I don’t keep in contact with anymore, to say the least.

This guy, I don’t know where he came from. He approached me one day and I ignored him. I guess he followed me. But now I’m abit paranoid about people following me or watching me.

5

Can you carry some mace or pepper spray? Maybe get a concealed carry permit?

6

Do you have a male friend who is willing to front as your boyfriend? It would be best if this guy was large and muscular.

The question is not “Why me?” but rather “what the heck is wrong with these guys?” They are the ones who have problems, not you. You have a right to make decisions about who is and is not your friend. You have a right to feel safe. You have a right to tell them to leave you alone and to be left alone.

Just remember not all men are jerks. There are a few who are nice.

7

county, this is not one of the brighter statements ever to come out of your keyboard. What should she change? Stay locked in her living room? Stop answering the phone? Stop reading her email? Start wearing a hijab? It’s the guys! Get it? It is NOT her responsibility to kowtow to that manner of thinking. Jeez, wake up and smell the coffee.

Jazz, in the three paragraphs before the one where he attacked you and you went to the police, I saw three times you should have already gone to the police, most especially when he was lurking outside your work. That’s all I can suggest if it happens in the future, and I hope he leaves you alone now.

8

Hey, I know what the OP posted, that’s all. So I make a comment that may or may not be valid, it’s up to her to examine it and either use it or discard it. No big deal.

In any event, I never suggested a hijab.

9

I don’t know county’s intention in his post, but I think he was merely suggesting that Jazz look to see if there is anything in particular that attracts weirdos and change it if it’s not too inconvenient. It’s Jazz’s choice and never her fault, but prudence does have a place sometimes. There are some neighborhoods in Philadelphia that I would never dare enter on foot, even though I theoretically shouldn’t kowtow to the dangerous elements there, and I should not be afraid to walk through public streets. Sometimes it’s a matter of judging for yourself whether doing what you want is worth whatever risk it entails. You should never be forbidden to do X, but sometimes you can decide not to because you think it ain’t worth it. I think that’s what county was trying to say.

10

I find this a rarity, but I am going to have to agree with County’s question.

While this is most definitly NOT your fault, and you are NOT to blame, and this is the action of a couple of sick puppies, there is something about your personality, or your actions that attracts them. That is all.

I think County was just trying to get you to do a little introspection…no blaming, no sarcasm.

Sam

11

“rarity” :smiley:
Well, let me change the context.

If I was being stalked for the second time, I would look at how I could avoid having it happen to me for a third time. I would look at what I could change because as has been accurately pointed out; my rights are certainly important but so is my safety.

And maybe I would conclude that shit happens and there is nothing I can do - but I would have looked at it and given consideration to what I can change.

12

Perhaps I interpreted it too strongly. I thought it was awful close to the “she wuz askin’ fer it” line.

13

Yeah, I’m gonna have to also agree with county. I equate what s/he said to a different situation. Say you are going down a bad neighborhood, would you try to show off how well-off you are or try to keep it discreet.

14

Maybe Jazzie’s so fucking hot that she gets a lot of unwanted attention - for the second time, no less. :smiley:

My best friend went through this with one guy, who just decided just latch on to her because he thought she was “real pretty.” Her mistake was in not shooting him down hard enough from the start, since she was trying to be nice and not hurt anybody’s feelings (hence, “inviting” the stalking). His behavior progressed from threatening phone calls in the wee hours of the night, to ramming in the front of her car and filling all the door locks with epoxy. Then she got the restraining order. As far as I know, the detctives still haven’t found the dude’s missing ex-girlfriend that they questioned my friend about… :frowning:

I think it’s a big possibility that Jazz has simply had the bad luck and misfortune to draw two of these wierdoes out of the woodwork. The chances for meeting the strange ones certainly increases if she lives in a highly populated urban area, as well. And I do see how questioning Jazz’s behavior seems logical in a “covering all bases” sense, since she did ask “Why me?” However, these questions also carry the danger of implying some sort of guilt on her part…which is not quite fair. IMHO.

Just playing devil’s adocate! :evil:

15

And I’m pretty sure that base has already been covered as well. I think we all acknowledge that there is no way on this planet that this is her fault nor that she asked for it. So it’s more than a fair suggestion.

Sam

16

Hence my comment “Just playing devil’s advocate!” and bringing up the possibility that she merely has bad luck w/ these creeps. FWIW, I absolutely agree that it’s more than a fair suggestion. Look at what happened in my best friend’s situation - she made the mistake of being too “nice.” Do a google search of any stalker information and each and every site will instruct the victim to not engage in certain specific behaviors that will almost certainly invite further aggreivance.

17

What kind of studio do you work at and can they provide better security at night?

18

Many people would be surprised how often this kind of stuff happens to women in retail. We have to be nice to everyone, and some guys think that’s an invitation. It happened to me a few times, but I was lucky that the guys were harmless, if annoying.

19

This sounds pretty serious, Jazz. I’m glad you got away safely.

This antistalking site has bits of useful advice, including some resources in Canada.

Take good care of yourself, and do take this seriously. Even a restraining order might not keep him away, if he’s convinced that you’re “the one”.

20

Don’t worry about “why, me” Jazz. My first two years in college I had no less than five stalkers. One was blind. (Yes, I had a blind stalker thankyouverymuch.) At the time I had a boyfriend, was about 40 pounds overweight, and at best average-looking. I don’t know what draws them. I do know that you should go to the police earlier rather than later, even if you feel like they haven’t really “done anything” yet.

mischievous