I have some very useful and practical advice. But in order to personalize it for your particular case, I’ll need you to email me:
-Your full name
-Your address
-Your phone number
-Your daily and weekly schedules
We should have this unfortunate issue sorted out in no time…
I work in the criminal justice system in the US, and I’m not sure how they work in Canada, but a criminal restraining order here allows the police to arrest the stalker on sight. Someone who chooses to stalk has NOTHING to do with what you have or have not done – its about the stalker a) needing to feel in control and b) feeling rejected by the object of their affection, rational or not. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Women as a gender are brought up to be nice and try not to ruffle feathers. We try to give folks the benefit of the doubt. Carry a cell phone, have 911 punched in when you leave the building, DO NOT walk out to your car alone. Your boss knows of the situation, your friends (it sounds like) know also. Have someone (male or female) escort you. A stalker is not likely to bother you if you’re not alone. Sounds like you’re doing what you can. And who gives a shit if mace is illegal. Here, use of force is legal if its used in self defense. If they attack first, you have every right to use reasonable force to defend yourself. You might want to check the laws to see. Certainly, you should have the right to defend yourself other than kicking the guy in the nuts if he decides to hold a gun to your head!
I’m recommending a book, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. He talks about ways you can defend yourself and, most importantly, ways you can identify guys who might become future attackers. It sounds scary but I found it tremendously reassuring. After reading all these news reports about guys who have murdered their wives of 30 years and so on, I started to believe you could never trust any man. This book points out that there are often warning signs that a guy might be unstable or possessive and not to ignore them. Anyway, hope it’s helpful and good luck…
First of all, I wholeheartedly second the suggestion to pick up The Gift of Fear. Very good book for every person to own, not just women either.
I used to have very similar problems to that in the OP. During a very short span of time, I was stalked and harrassed by four different men. Thankfully it never turned violent, but one of them certainly had the potential to. Luckily, he was arrested for burgalary before he could track me down.
Anyway, I must say that my own behaviour, though I did not realize it at the time, was a big factor. By the time I was saying “No, leave me alone right now or I’m going to do something about it”, so much time had gone by where I hadn’t done anything that it all sounded like empty threats. The very first time someone makes you uncomfortable, DO SOMETHING. Tell someone, in fact, tell a lot of people. Keep track of every single incident; if he’s e-mailing you, don’t respond, but keep all of the e-mails. If he’s calling, log every single call. Tell the police, because even if they won’t do anything about some harrassing phone calls they will at least have you on record complaining about the behaviour of the stalker.
Best of luck to you, and above all don’t let this control your life, and don’t think that there’s something wrong with you that’s making people act this way. Just stand up for yourself, keep records of everything, tell friends where you’re going to be and when, and do the best to enjoy your life during these tough times.
Are you in toronto or any large city jazz? I would first recommend a cell phone with GPS tracking (many cell phone companies are starting GPS emergency tracking systems). In the event of a problem you can call 911 and we can track you through the phone. Even if you called customer service we can (but we’re not supposed to) track you from our towers.
My sister had to deal with an ex that didn’t leave her alone. She had to move 50 km away (Oshawa) to get away from him. The police weren’t very much help since he was already a pretty big criminal and didn’t really care about the law.
I wouldn’t think he’s finished leaving you alone even if he’s no longer “around”. I’d use common sense and make sure people knew where I was and were I was going. Maybe even have a general “check in time” with friends etc.
I’ve been used as a “fake BF” before. I would think it tends to work with most stalkers, and not with others. The harmless (but annoying) ones tend to understand (even if they don’t believe we’re BF/GF) while the crazy ones simply target the guy.
Because guys generally have a better chance with an attacker maybe you can find a friend who’d be willing to risk doing this for you? I have no problems walking around with a sword for a few weeks 