They haven’t been a part of Joni’s life for many years. Frankie calling them on Joni’s behalf just risks them becoming a hindrance to Frankie’s life. Frankie should not call them. She should actively avoid letting them find out. Her options are to hope the parents die off before they find they have grandchildren, hope the laws in her state change, move to somewhere with more favorable laws for lesbian parents.
Even leaving all issues of the children aside, Frankie should spend all the remaining time with Jonni and not waste even a minute of it contacting Jonni’s parents.
Jonni may believe that her parents aren’t all bad, but there’s no reason to believe their attitude or behavior would improve with her at death’s door. I’m sure Jonni has believed that “if only [fill in the blank], my parents would accept me and the love of my life as we are.” However, she’s never had to test that, and it may well be a little white lie she tells herself to reconcile that they created and raised her with their later rejection. Why risk bursting that bubble in the last minutes of her life?
Stated another way, I see two possible outcomes if Frankie contacts Jonni’s parents, they come to her bedside, and she regains consciousness (this is all moot if they ignore Frankie’s call, Jonni dies without awakening, or both):
Jonni’s parents see their daughter dying and have a tearful reunion and reconciliation, so her last moments in this world are joyful.
OR
Jonni’s parents see their daughter about to go hell for her sins and harangue her into repentance, so her last moments in this world are painful.
I’m sure Frankie already has a firm belief which outcome is more likely. 
That’s not about them, but about Jonni’s desire to see her parents a last time. They should be called, unless it can cause some serious legal issue.
Call them. They may not come, but Jonni wants to see them.
The girls are genetically Frankie’s. The estranged parents have no standing to take them. I would think a DNA test would end that pretty quickly.
We also have no idea what wills, adoption arrangements, etc, have already been put in place by the women, so we don’t know if DNA tests would even be necessary to prevent the grandparents from taking the girls. I think we’re over-thinking.
This bit about the kids tipped it for me.
Jonni might want to see her parents, but the odds that they’re suddenly going to repent their behaviour at her death bed and acknowledge her is pretty bloody slim. More likely they’ll come screaming in if they come at all and cause a scene.
there’s also the fact of Franki not being acknowledged legally as the next of kin. You’d like to think you are able to make the funeral arrangements for your own partner, not be kicked out of the deal because of their parents medieval views.
So stuff em. I’d tell the Hospital staff that Jonni was estranged from her parents. If she does wake up and ask for them, call them then and only then.
To hell with the parents. Frankie shouldn’t call, she shouldn’t even inform them their daughter died after the fact as far as I’m concerned. They made their choice.
Now, if Frankie has a long .44? Ah, well, that’s an entirely different scenario.
If Frankie is the legal mother of the kids, she should call.
Couple of my friends feared exactly this situation: two women in a LTR with two children in a state without legal marriage for them, and the biological mother’s own parents were terrible bigots who had made it clear that if something happened to her, they planned to assume custody of the children and not allow them ever to see their other mother ever again. It was extremely stressful for their family, and they were super-thrilled when legal marriage became available to them.
Set aside all the legal issues, and I’ll leave it up to Frankie’s own desires: what will be easiest for her to live with, a bitter awkward reunion with these terrible people at her wife’s deathbed, or knowing that she didn’t grant her wife her final implicit wish? It’s a lousy choice, and if it were me, I’d make the call, but I wouldn’t fault her remotely for deciding either way. But with the legal issues, nope nope nope, no way in hell would I make the call, and I’d think she was a damned idiot if she did.
Should Frankie decide the parents should be told there’s no way in hell she should call them herself. She doesn’t need the abuse she’s likely to get. She should either go through a mutual acquaintance or get the hospital to call. Oh and she should call her Dad, if she hasn’t already and make sure he’s on the scene.
A question. Is she morally and entirely certain that Jonni would want to see her parents in her final hour, even if it jeopardizes having Frankie by her side in her final hour, and jeopardizes Frankie’s short-term custody of their children? Because this puts the hypothetical into crazyland for me if it’s true, and I don’t know how to answer it, except to say that Frankie should marry someone less insane next go-round.
There’s your answer right there. When a loved one is dying, you think of their needs and not your own.
Their needs, or their wants?
If this goes south, does Jonni really need her final hours to be a nasty, hate-filled scene ending with her parents snatching away her children to keep them “safe” from The Gay?
Jonni doesn’t want merely to see her parents; she wants a reconciliation with them. She wants (and deserves) love and acceptance and happiness. Calling her parents may not give her the fairytale ending, and may leave her dying in the knowledge that the children she bore are losing both their mothers on the same day.
Those kids should be the priority.
During the mid-late 80’s, I had a part time job in the xerox room of the huge law firm where my mother was a legal secretary. Making copies of reports and cases, some caught my attention and I glanced through them as I was running them through the machine. This sort of scenario occurred a LOT during the peak of the AIDS crisis in the US. Parents who had disowned their children when they came out as gay suddenly appeared on the scene when their children passed due to AIDS. It was especially difficult for the SOs of the deceased, as not only would the parents take over all funeral arrangements, they also started divvying up the property. And getting all sorts of legal about it. Of course, they only begrudgingly, if at all, dealt with the medical bill issues.
If nothing else, I think this was the seed that became the impetus for the Domestic Partnership and now SSM movement. Sometimes, the family one chooses is more important than the family one gets.
It doesn’t seem to me like there is much Frankie can do for Joanie in this scenario. Or let me say this; the risk of harm to Joanie’s peace of mind at her end and the potential harm to Frankie and Joanie’s child grossly outweighs the chance that Joanie’s parents will have a change of heart. I think it’s best to not notify Joanie’s parents. Maybe after all is done and settled, and Frankie is in a situation where there is absolutely NO way that Joanie’s parents can get custody of the child, Frankie can have mailed to Joanie’s parents a photo of the gravestone.
In other words… fuck’em!
Do not call. In the recent debate over the SSM issue in Utah, story after story after story were told of parents who barged in at the death of their adult child and took over the funeral arrangements, including having the body taken back to the parent’s home state or city.
There is too much of a risk of getting into a legal hassle. While Franki knows that Jonni would like to see her parents once again, Franki would most certainly know that Jonni wouldn’t want their children to be put into legal limbo and to have her own funeral hijacked.
Let them know after the funeral and after all the legal matters have been settled.
Are the parents going to want to boot Johnni out of the room? Then no, leave them out of it. Otherwise, call them, it’s what Frankie would want.
Heck yes call the parents. For all you know they might have been trying to get in touch with her.
Look, seldom do people have perfect relations with their parents. A phone call alone cannot hurt.
So you haven’t read the rest of the thread, with the parts about the parents having a fit at the bedside, having Frankie excluded and the kids take away then? After all, a phone call hurt right?
Frankie contacts the parents. Perhaps not personally; if there is an intermediary who can do the job, that’s probably for the best.
Call me Edmund Burke if you must, but some traditional values are there for a reason. A parent should know when their child is dying.
Call me old fashioned, but a parent should care about their child’s well being. They don’t.
Frankie could call them and not tell them a location. For all they know she could be in California. Gauge the situation. Then they’d know at least.
(Although, the logic of the story breaks down here. They’re on a trip to visit Frankie’s parents…next door to Jonni’s parents, but all this time Jonni’s parents have never noticed the kids visiting next door?)