Next, we’ll have TV commercials with three wise men sitting in a swamp.
First Wise Man: Sal
Second Wise Man: va
Third Wise Man: tion
And all those aborted fetuses.
And their mommies, of course.
The pitter patter of little unformed fetus feet…
I saw one that said simply: “Got Jesus?”.
I remeber thinking “Gosh, I better stop at the Quickie Mart on the way home and pick up a half gallon of Jesus. I usually like my Jesus vitamin D, but I think this time I’ll get some skim Jesus. It’s probably healthier for me.”
:rolleyes:
I typically lose it when I see this one. I usually resort to screaming “But that’s my whole fucking plan!” My friends then usually have to physically restrain me from commiting some dark ritual designed to bring about the apocalypse.
It’s not that I’m evil, I just want a few questions answered.
“You there, in the 73 Impala. Stop touching yourself.” -God
“I am through with the evil. God has won with better billboards” -Satan
My dad is a minister, silly thing that he is, and he puts up all these things on his Marquee that are just too subtle. I can’t even remember any because they just don’t make sense and I’ve known him all my life. Stuff like “God never takes vacation”. It’s like, yeah, so? Who said anything about vacation? My husband and I will drive past the church a hundred times before we figure out, oh, it’s summer and people go away sometimes! We don’t attend the church, but I doubt that that would clarify things.
I live four blocks from a major theme park, and one block from a church of some sort. A couple of years ago, on May 5, a local radio station and the MTP collaborated to make admission five cents (to tie in with the whole “Cinco de Mayo” thing that goes on down here in SoCal). Well, the neighborhood was absolutely mobbed that day. Traffic was backed up on two freeways, the surface streets were practically impassable, and local businesses were forced to close for hours. Traffic cops were everywhere, trying to cope with the pandemonium.
The following day, the marquee in front of the church read:
Can the Milk Marketing Association (or whoever that campaign is for) sue God for copyright infringement?
I may have mentioned this elsewhere on the board, but who cares! In Montreal, there are no billboards, thankfully. But there is one church a block away from my house that always has these cryptic messages up. My favorite:
Um, jarbaby, one of the pains of Hell is that you can’t get seats next to the band.
I missed the funeral Friday (haven’t been feeling well this week- I always go to Good Friday services- very moving in the Greek Church), but did make it Easter Sunday.
Look, take a long lunch, catch a noon mass, go to confession, say you missed Easter mass, say your five Our Fathers, everything will be hunky-dory between you and God.
jarbaby ain’t one of us Friday fish eaters…
Yet. 
There’s a great billboard near my church that’s visible from the highway, and says, Prepare To Meet Thy God, call 961- 0000 (actually, i can’t remember the phone number. Oh, well) Every time I pass it I wonder how many phone calls they get a week from people asking to speak directly to God…
I’ve seen that one, too – they have a bunch of those in the little stretch of Indiana that you drive through when you’re going to Chicago from Michigan on I-94 (though I never see any when going to Michigan for some reason). Well, those and a lot of Krazy Kaplan’s Fireworks billboards, an odd juxtaposition. (And one sign that reads “Get US out of the UN!”) Anyway, I always want to say to the people who wrote it “Of course not, seeing as how He’s omniscient and all…”
My favorite piece of roadside evangelism, though, is the plastics plant somewhere in Ohio (can’t recall exactly where), right off of I-75, that has a giant lighted sign that reads “Christ is the answer,” with a big cross. (It’s particularly impressive at night.) I think it’s because it’s on a plastics factory… 
Sure you can. But the band plays nothing but NSYNC covers. :eek:
CAn I get an AMEN?
Ugh…those stupid billboards. Yeesh. These are probably the churches that spread e-mail glurge and urban legends. GAG!
Or if God has Prince Albert in a can…
Is good old price competition!
“Family Plan - $99.00 per year[sup]*[/sup]”
-
- with purchase of Eterna-Care, 5 year plan, pre-paid. Penalty for early loss of faith.
I suppose a Catholic Church could put up a marquee reading:
God… He’s What’s for dinner!
Heh. Communion wafer…the other white meat.
One that just used to nag at me everytime I went by it read, “Be what you wish others to become.” I’d look at that and think, “Well, I’m smart, reasonably good looking, and I’m willing to have sex with myself at any given opportunity. I wish more people were smart, good looking, and willing to have sex with me at any given opportunity. So I’ve done what you suggest and this has improved things how?” There’s another church that I drive by which has really bizarre and contradictory messages out front. I don’t remember any of them at the moment, but it always makes me wonder what the hell they could be thinking when they come up with them.