I’ve just decided (yes, just in the past minute) that I’m not assertive enough. Assertiveness is definitely something I need to work on. So, I’m asking for any examples you can think of where you were either not assertive enough, and later wished you had handled the situation differently, or where you were particularly assertive and found it to be beneficial. Hopefully, by telling us your story, the rest of us can either learn from your mistake or your success and assert ourselves appropriately.
Too many stories to mention - I tend to be assertive.
in college, with a LOUSY GPA and a hiring freeze in Silicon Valley, I ended up being one of 3 people hired by Hewlett-Packard from my class of CompSci graduates at UCSB. What did I do? At the recruiting event, I walked up to the lead guy and said “Look, you guys need to hire me - we just need to work out the details; how should we get started?” The guy laughed and we chatted; I brought up my GPA up front and framed it as “I realized I like computers but not programming so realized I need to work for a high-tech firm in business capacity” and he accepted that right way. All downhill from there. My GPA was well below their minimum requirement.
after college (while at HP) my roommate and I had a game where we were never allowed to pay to get into clubs or rock concerts - we had to talk our way in. We never got turned away - it was all bluster and bluff and a little research (we’d find some semi-obscure, insider name to claim we were on the guest list with and then discuss insider dish while they tried to figure out if our being left off was an honest mistake…). Oh man, there are plenty of stories…
Bottom line is that there is no defense like a strong offense. If you are the least bit paranoid or worried, then kick up your assertiveness a notch higher and fake it 'till you make it!!
My company was working on porting Linux to a little Japanese dictionary-like device, each person working on his own bit. But our boss wanted us to submit changed files to him and he would hand-go-through them and apply them to a base set of code. Of course, as this requires human-interaction, and because my code was written and working minus all the changes other people were making, there came a point where my computer worked and his didn’t.
For the few previous weeks I had been saying that we needed to use some sort of source management system so everyone could keep their work synchronized. But he’d never used one and was afraid.
“I want source management”
“Well yes yes…I’m sure that would be good. I’ll think about it.”
“Our deadline was yesterday and I’ve been working 12 hour days for a six-hour-a-day salary for the last month including weekends, my version works and yours doesn’t and I need to fix it. Right now I can’t do my job unless I kick you off your computer and debug or we spend two hours moving your development envirnoment over to mine–since of course your build scripts no longer work like mine either. And of course you’re trying to get your stuff done for your deadline too so I can’t kick you off your computer. Please. I want a source management system. I will install subversion, import everything into it, and write an email to everyone on how to use it.”
“Yeah…but…”
“And once I install it, everyone has to use it.”
“…”
After being a nazi for a few days, I got all our computers synchronized, his work load quartered, and I got the bug fixed finding out he’d changed the system clock settings.
The book “When I Say No, I Feel Guilty” has been around awhile, but you can probably find it in a library or on Amazon. It has valuable lessons about assertiveness. I recommend it.
Assertive is different from agressive.
Calmly say what you want, without being angry, but be firm and repetitive.
How to dodge others’ arguments without fighting them; it’s like they’re throwing bricks at a fog bank.
You have the right to state your opinion and get what you need.
