While I’m not a huge Pit fan, I figured this would be the best place to post this thread for people that might want to vent. I consider myself lucky and haven’t had to deal with many passive-aggressive people nor do I believe that I fit into that category.
The only story I can think of is one time at work.
Fade in:
We had about 5-6 people working in a fairly small office, two teams of 2-3 people each. Each team working on different projects. One team just finished working on their project and had to pack up their material. They left their boxes sitting around the office, stacked up and in the way of others who were trying to do their work. And these boxes were stacked up in front of my team’s area.
Instead of moving the boxes out of the way, the other team’s manager surfed on the internet all day. One day I had to reach for something and tripped over the boxes. I got fed up and started moving the boxes myself into the hallway and had the other team’s driver help me. I wasn’t very nice about it but wasn’t being a jerk either. I was just tired of tripping over things so I could do my job.
The other team’s manager called me passive-aggressive and that really pissed me off. I felt like I was pretty good about dealing with his mess as long as I did and if I was truly being passive-aggressive, I would have throw the boxes in the dumpster outside.
I would have asked him to move the boxes earlier but, well, let’s just say he was in a surly mood most of the time and not very easy to deal with.
Now, a few years later, I don’t blame either one of us but it was a pretty bad time back then and it got worse for a time afterwards. I guess I was being passive-aggressive but I feel I was in a no win situation. Not my proudest moment but luckily not a example of my true nature (I hope).
Any stories you like to share of unsettling encounters of passive-aggressiveness?
That’s almost always the reason that people don’t speak up for themselves and react in a passive manner – the other guy is intimidating in some way, or at least we think she or he is. Or maybe we’ve been taught that it’s not nice to complain or speak up for ourselves.
Although I’m normally a fairly assertive person, I’m passive with my sister generally. If challenged on anything, she will run it into the ground even if it’s something that she can’t possibly have personal knowledge of. I can’t even get her to just agree to disagree. And she “sandbags” with things that she has stored up for over twenty or thirty years and never talked about.
But since she is my sister and I understand her background, I know exactly where the need to be right comes from. Our bond is more important than accuracy or winning an argument is to me. So most of the time, I choose to be passive.
Other than that, I have found that learning to be assertive (as opposed to aggressive) has certainly given me a lot more self-esteem and it tends to make relationships go a lot smoother.