My rant about the dumb-ass at Quiznos today during the busy lunch hour:
It’s the busy lunch hour and the line is long at Quiznos. The line goes to the middle of the counter where you order you sandwich and then you move along in order to where you pay for it and pick it up at the end of the counter.
Dumb-ass is on his hands-free cell phone today going through the line oblivious to where he is currently located in the universe.
He gets to the place where the guys taking the orders. Guy asks him “What can I get you today sir?” Dumb-ass is on Mars or some other planet and doesn’t respond. Guy asks him again. Dumb-ass doesn’t respond but instead moves down the line with the flow of patrons. Guy asks “Who’s next?” and the next person in line orders.
Dumb-ass ends up at the cashier and finally gets sucked back into the real world when he realizes he’s at the end of the line and the cashier is asking him “What did you have sir?”
After putting it all together in his pea-sized brain and realizing he fucked-up big time, instead of acknowledging his err he turns on the employees and the patrons “Huh, wuh, they never took my order? These people skipped me. Who’s running this place anyway? This place sucks!” and he storms out of the place.
You big dumb ass. You just made yourself look like the biggest ass in the world today and everyone in Quiznos at 12:15 today had a good laugh at you expense.
It is neither clever nor amusing to refer to a character by a role the actor played elsewhere.
For instance, refering to Captain Archer in Enterprise to Captain Quantum or referring to the President on Battlestar Galactica as President Stand With Fist, or calling Charlie on Lost “The Hobbit”.
This wasn’t very amusing the first time I saw it and now it’s reached sheer stupidity.
And I really hate the parking at work. Our lot is too small for the number of people who work here, we used to be able to park at the paid lot next door and have the company pay for it, but they got into an argument with the owner, we give the church across the alley free printing in exchange for parking, but they will only let us use 5 spots and if anyone tries to park anywhere else, they are ticketed and towed (of course this doesn’t stop the churchgoers from using our lot on Sundays even if we are working). So we end up parking each other in and having to come back in to let people know they have to move and even when you’re not actually blocked, the room to get out is so small that you just have to pray you don’t hit anyone.
And lastly…
Where is it written that I’m the only one here who can do the damn Powerpoint jobs. Guess what? All your patches don’t work. No matter what, there’s going to be a problem and I’ll have to fix it.
Hey, I was at work today, too, and the snowplows around here say, “Oh, it’s only 8 inches, we’ll just wait for it to stop coming down.” I just wasn’t brave enough to venture the mall, which is a different bag of cookies.
Actually, I’m hoping the blowing snow will get me out of work tomorrow - it’s been snowing like a bitch all day, and the drive home was a little tricky (my car slid around a lot - it was fun:D)…
And University is fun, but I mainly wanted it for new objects and stuff. For that, I’m not impressed. College is fun, though.
Jesusmaryandjoseph we are all in this together. All of us are trying to get to work. All of us are a little closer to a stranger than we’re probably comfortable with.
But take a gander out the side window. See Lake Michigan out there? Great. Now, take a gander out the front window. See the Sears Tower in the distance? This is a major metropolitan area. You will be smashed up next to another person on public fucking transit during the goddamn rush hour. Get over it. Stand two across in the aisle already and just relax about how your butt might be touching somebody else’s tushie.
Because when YOU and YOU and YOU refuse to move as far back as you can and scrunch in closer together, you make life hell for the rest of us. Yeah, you got yours, you lucky bastard, living all earlier up on the stops. You’ve got your goddam paper and your fucking coffee and your IPod. But has it ever occured to you (it should, since it’s like this every. single. day.) that maybe us poor schmucks on the last stop before Lake Shore Drive don’t want to sit in the driver’s lap? Or ride on the dashboard? Hmmm?? HMMMMMMM???
People on Wheel of Fortune who yell their letter choices at the top of their lungs. You know how, before the show, they fitted you with a little microphone? It’s so we can hear you without YELLING!
My roommate is a cello performance major, and often she’ll hum a couple lines from the pieces she’s playing. That’s fine, everyone gets earworms. But then she’ll yell, “STOP IT! Stop singing! You’re being annoying!” to herself. And then she’ll continue humming. And then yelling at herself to stop. On and on and on… What’s funny is I don’t care about the humming; it doesn’t bother me, and it’s quiet enough that I can drown it out with headphones. But I hate how she constantly yells at herself to stop.
Yeah, that’s right. I’m pitting a bit of medival art. The tapestries tell a little story. They tell a sucky story to be more precise. In panel one we see the magical unicorn. He is using his magical powers to clean a polluted stream. Nobody asked him to do this. He doen’t get paid for doing this. He doesn’t really even benifit from it himself. Now you may think that panel two would be the townspeople, you know the ones that polluted the stream and now have a clean drinking water supply again, would be, perhaps, thanking the unicorn. Maybe they throw him a party. Maybe they give him a virgin or two. Nope. Their response
Release the hounds!
They hunt the unicorn down and kill it. Several dogs, forced to hunt the unicorn by the cocksucking townsfolks, are killed in the process. But soon they are able to spear the brillant white hide of the unicorn and kill it.
They cut off it’s horn and then, and then they give it to the local royals, who, btw, did nothing in the actual hunt but of course they get the fucking benifit.
So you see, you do and you do and you do for these kids, and this is the thanks you get.
Well fuck you towns folks. I’m going to shit in you drinking water till you all get dysentary and you all die die die die die!
I know I’m not alone on this, but this year’s pit rant on the subject is long overdue, so I’ll just vent here.
It’s that fucking “Hi Opal!” schtick. I know it’s hip to have our own SDMB clichés and all but for fuck’s sake, enough is enough. It may have been amusing once but goddamn! Guess what, IT’S NOT ANYMORE, since that trite shit has been overused until it became like a purulent infection that just won’t go away! It’s not original, it’s not clever and it’s certainly not funny. Infuriating - a resounding yes, boring - most definitely, but funny? FUCK OFF! Just let it die, it’s the humane thing to do.
While I’m at it, let me add: jokes involving the number “69”. Under any circumstance but especially the one liners that serve to point the hilarious coincidence - “Interesting number you got on the sum of the digits of your post count multiplied by three eh? wink wink” Comedy gold.
I want to pit eyebrow hairs. Well, the eyebrow hairs that don’t actually grow in your eyebrow line but everywhere else. I don’t understand how I can pluck stray hairs in the morning and the next day they are back! Even men’s beard hairs don’t grow that fast, and when you pluck a hair it should take longer to grow back or shouldn’t grow back at all, but noooo, these things are back the next day and they bring more friends.
What do we need eyebrows for anyway, expressing surprise? Damned useless things if you ask me.
Wile E: I’ll trade you. I have a bald spot on my right eyebrow. I don’t know why hair refuses to grow there all of a sudden, but damn if I don’t look ridiculous.
One other thing: Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction is one of the best movies ever made and you’re still a brilliant filmmaker but what the fuck were you thinking when you decided that making a magic square appear on screen with a popping jingle when Mia and Vincent arrive at Jackrabbit Slim’s and she calls him a square with gestures was a good idea?! Totally killed my suspension of disbelief. I had to play it again to make sure I wasn’t tripping. Fucking ridiculous! I’m going to suppose this is a tribute to some other movie and leave it at that. Oh and what’s up with the stupid shaking fake background during Butch’s cab ride? Even Oliver Stone could have shot that better. PS: For an ex-gangster, “Jimmy” looked and talked like a dork.
My rant is against my own capricious mind, specifically for composing a fine rant while driving home yesterday and then erasing everything about it except it’s nascent existence. Damn! I hate when that happens.
Since I was driving, it may have been about yet another sub-cretinous sub-human with a cell phone and an SUV and too few functioning brain cells to use both at the same time. Or, since I was returning from work, maybe it was about how in my department of 100+ supposed professionals, there aren’t more than a dozen who can be expected to do their jobs with anything approaching competency, and yet, somehow they keep getting paid to show up every day. Then again, perhaps I was musing about the Oscars, which is one of about forty-eleven different awards shows for the 5 or 6 semi-decent movies that get made every year and how we’re only 1 or 2 awards shows away from an All Awards Shows Network (I hope Ted Turner doesn’t read this).
But whatever my most puissant rant was to be, no one will ever know. Maybe I should get a digital voice recorder so I can make notes while I’m driving. Then I can start a rant about people who have to have voice recorders because they can’t remember their own damned thoughts!
ps - one-eyed French hookers are great, because they lack depth perception. Yes, it IS hyphenated.
I ate some REALLY strong onions for dinner tonight and even after brushing and flossing within an inch of my miserable life I have nasty heinous ONION BREATH.
This feels like it could last for awhile, unfortunately.
Yes, it IS hyphenated.