I have a zit inside my right ear. IT IS MAKING ME INSANE YOU GUYS.
My 16 y.o. daughter just IM’d me from school (study hall) to let me know she almost got in a fight. Why? Because some guy called her a “stupid fucking slut”.
I don’t blame her for wanting to kick his face in - I’d rather enjoy that myself - but now I have to be all motherly & shit and try to tell her “violence isn’t the answer”.
Og, I hated high school and watching my daughter go through it isn’t any better. Dammit.
I pit my gall bladder.
I had the little fucker removed about three weeks ago. Five days later I ended up in the ER in the middle of the night with excruciating abdominal pains. Apparently, after the operation, there was a leak in my common bile duct, which basically caused a pool of bile in my abdominal cavity, inflaming pretty much every thing in there. Five days of being fed through a tube, an ERCP procedure to get a stent put in, puking up stomach acid every hour on the hour, and having my ass hanging out of those ridiculous hospital jonnies was not my idea of a good time.
I’m glad it’s gone and I hope it’s languishing in some pathology lab somewhere. In fact, I hope they cut it up into little pieces and feed it to the lab rats. That’ll learn it.
I’m actually looking forward to labor. Why? Because in the past two weeks, I’ve experienced enough stress that lying in a hospital with a shrieking newborn even after 15 or so hours of pain is starting to sound pretty good:
-Last week, I took my husband to the ER for heart palpitations (he’s fine - just had an anxiety attack and enough sleep deprivation is made his blood pressure go up)
-Also last week, I had to take almost a week off work when my son’s pre-school caught fire (happened at night so no injuries)
-Over the weekend, there was a flood in my home when a water line on our newly-installed water filter broke. (Imagine water gushing out of vents, newly-made ceiling cracks and electrical fixtures and carpet that goes “splash” when you walk on it.) As a result, we’ve had deafening industrial-size fans on 24/7 to dry the carpets until we can find out whether it’ll have to be ripped out or not and every insurance agent and his or her brother is coming over to look at the damage. The bright side is that we used an insured and bonded contractor to put the thing in.
-Also over the weekend, I refereed between my mother and my husband. My mom, who has turned into a rude, unreasonable woman who starts happy hour at 10 a.m. and watches endless hours of television while parked on my couch, had the temerity to take my husband to task on several occasions for not mowing the lawn, even though the lawnmower was out of gas and he was waiting on me to bring more. My husband managed NOT to throw her out of the house (and to talk me down from doing so myself), though it was a close call.
Unfortunately, my three-year old understands better than my mother does why such actions are unacceptable. I’m guessing her comprehension has a lot to do with the two one-gallon bottles of gin she brought into my home (half of which were finished by the time I realized they were there, and she only visited for six days) and that I dumped down the drain. She is not a nice drunk. But she is a frequent drunk. If I ever had any doubts, this weekend certainly solidified my decision to un-invite her to stay after the new baby is born. That’ll be a fun conversation.
Oh, the plans I had for last weekend. I had an awesome Sunday planned. Then a date on Monday. Then a party tonight. Then dinner with a friend tomorrow (still on, I hope).
What a horrible time to get a cold. Ah, but that’s not the worst of it. I also got constipated. Not just a little backed up. We’re talking red hot knife in the gut kind of pain. We’re talking food that goes down my throat can only exit my body by coming back up backed up. We’re talking saltines and ginger ale as my only nutrients backed up.
Not only am I cancelling my plans one by one, but my enthusiasm has been totally sapped. I just want to poop.
My mini rant is that you made me consider your ear. But now that I have, I must tell you that you were insane before and will be insane after it is removed (your ear, not the zit)
I labored night and day for a month to complete a project to impress a woman I’ve had a crush on since high school. I not only failed but embarrassed myself.
My company is eagerly awaiting the result of a work proposal we submitted. If we win, all our plans go one way. If we fail, our plans go another way. But right now, we’re just waiting…
Julia Louis-Dreyfuss finds a tarantula on her husband’s back while in Machu Picchu - he freaks out, she’s screaming. Funny stuff, I can imagine being in that situation if I were scared of tarantulas.
But then there’s this
My brother had a pink-toed male tarantula, Boris. Boris was awesome. That species is probably the most docile of all tarantulas.
Whether or not the tour guide was an idiot or was fucking with them, he can go fuck himself for spreading spider fear-mongering.
I’ve heard good things about the miraculous properties of papaya for this kind of thing.
Which part did she object to?
Bleargh. I have had some sort of stomach/intestinal bug all day and it sucks. Thankfully, it’s all been going out the back end, because I hate puking more than almost anything else on the planet. But it’s still disgusting and uncomfortable and my head hurts. WAH!
My mother swears bananas will keep you regular. Maybe it’s just tropical fruit.
Every now and again in the last couple of days my eyes suddenly feel like I’m chopping onions, then it goes away. I don’t know what’s causing it, but it’s making me nuts.
Kyla, try a warm compress.
I hate my job. It’s almost time for annual reviews.
I went purse shopping today. About every two years I buya new purse. I spend $20, and get one with lots of pockets. Beyond that I really don’t care much about the looks or anything, as long as it’s not too flashy.
It reminded me what a perfect misery shopping is. Can’t find anything you like, everything you do like is too expensive, and the designers don’t make anything for normal people. Add to that the old people wandering around aimlessly and the prices! $70 for a tiny little purse.
I did get one but man oh man do I hate shopping.
About 4 months ago I accepted a new job and moved literally all the way across the US. I lost a good amount of money doing so; even with a moving bonus and a hiring bonus, I lost money due to the move and having to pay for four months of rent on a house back in my previous town (as the landlord couldn’t find new renters).
I have a very specialized job, one which requires very specialized software. After moving here, I advised my new employer on the exact features I need, and wrote up a couple of wishlists.
As of today, I still don’t have my software… and it’s probably going to be at least another month or two before I have a working version. I spend all day, every day, surfing the web. I’m kind of going insane- because, you see, I *really *like to work. If I’d known it was going to be this long, I could’ve stayed at my previous company where I was miserable, but at least I was able to work. I’d also have gotten a bonus and a raise at this point, and I wouldn’t be missing all of my friends.
This would be a fairly big rant, but I feel really stupid and ungrateful complaining about getting paid to sit on my ass for eight hours a day when there are plenty of people out there who don’t have jobs at all. So here’s my mini-rant.
Yesterday I decided to get some extra exercise so on my lunch break I decided I would walk down the 27 flights of stairs and take the elevator back up. I got down to the first floor and, lo and behold, it is an emergency exit attached to alarms that will evacuate the building if I go out that door. I turn around and start back up the stairs only to find that the stairs only allow you access to the building every 5th floor. Then after climbing back up the additional 5 flights of stairs I find out that the elevators there don’t go up to my floor so I spent about 10 minutes figuring out how the hell to get back to the elevators that take me to my office. Today my legs hurt.
Trying to run Apache-style stuff on IIS just doesn’t work. PHP and MySQL and ISAPI Rewrite and usr folders? Fuck me.
Oh, sure, maybe it works. But what do I do with it when it doesn’t? I’m not gonna fix it. I don’t give a toss.
You know what would be easier? Us paying a real Apache host to host this shit, and charging the customer the cost of that. It doesn’t make us any money doing it that way? So. Fucking. What.
I hate you.
“This forum requires that you wait 300 seconds between searches. Please try again in 169 seconds.”
That doesn’t really count if the search errored out.
I know I bitch alot on the Dope - especially in mini-rant threads - about my job. So, the other day I took an interests assessment to see what I might actually like to do.
Of the 15 career field clusters, the one I actually work in came in dead last.
(I scored in the first percentile, first!, for admin type jobs.) So, yay me. I knew my job didn’t interest me, but it was shocking how much I don’t like what I do.
Listen, you stupid Chinese fuckers or whoever it is that consumes “traditional eastern medicines.” Eating ground up rhino horns does not increase your masculinity or serve as an aphrodisiac. You ignorant shit-heads are making rhinos go extinct based on medical beliefs that are even dumber than bleeding and balancing the humors. If you are really having that much trouble getting it up, how about you dumb fucks join the 21st century and pop some viagra?