Let's build DopeBot!

It’s time to design the number one best robot ever! Anyone can make a suggestion, from x-ray lasers that shoot holes in the moon, to a diaper-changer attachment, to an index of a million knock-knock jokes. Please, just one addition per post.

Here’s my first idea: Arms and legs formed from branching manipulators, like in Harry Harrison’s The Turing Factor. Each arm (or leg) is a rod (made of some super-hard material, of course, like fictionite or unobtanium), which separates into three more rods of half the original’s length, and all are jointed halfway along. The separation continues on each smaller arm, down to microscopic size. This way, the arms can grasp any tool, or pick up tiny things, or be clustered together to be one big arm.

So, who’s up next?

Cliche’ - O - Matic

Automatically assaults the ignorant with SDMB cliches such as OG SMASH! and the three words ending with gry.

Band Name Capacitor

Can automatically pinpoint any paring of unusual words and identify them as a potential Band Name.

That should be, pairing of unusual words.

Cite-o-Matic[sup]TM[/sup] - Instantly back up any argument from any position! Input the key words or phrases and harvest a passel 'o cites. Guaranteed not to melt down in the greatest of Great Debates.

A Flame-Resistant Coating on the exterior, for protection and easy strolling through the Pit.

The ability to provide a relevant quote from The Princess Bride, Office Space, The Simpsons, a Discworld novel or various other Doper-friendly sources for any situation.

Oven mitts (for pie).

Pneumatically launched titanium grappling hooks (also for pie).

We’ll need to develop some sort of “Cringe-Factor” fusebox so that overly graphic posts about, say, menstruation or zit squeezing wont toast it’s processor.

Oh! That and fists that shoot off and fly around like missles!

It needs a flame thrower for trolls in the Pit.

Give it a titanium endoskeleton, glowing red eyes, and make sure you book Aaaaaahnold to play it in the movie.

Yah, I’m the Informinator. . .

Trust me.

The Opal Greet-A-Bot

If anyone posts a list with less than three items, this bot will automatically add the infamous greeting to OpalCat

Wonder what Aaaaahnold would sound like saying hi to Opal?

A brain the size of a planet!

[Marvin the P A]

“It hurts just trying to think down to your level.”

[/Marvin the P A]

It simply must have the greatest weapon ever conceived by man…

The goat cannon!

Search for it in IMHO if you’re new. It was a year or so ago, I think.

A button to make confetti shoot out the top of its head and play a triumphant fanfare. Because, that would be the coolest thing ever.

A sock puppet detector.

You know what any decent robot worth his titanium needs? A rousing yet poorly translated Engrish fight song! Preferably sung by a chorus of little Japanese children.

Mighty steel boots of troll vengance crushing!
Missle fists destiny for pie!

Pop-culture references second to none!
Obscure in-jokes rein superior!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Go go Dope-Bot-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Anti-sarcasm deflector shields that redirect any sarcasm back to it’s origin.

Oooh! And the Chickinator. When presented with irrefutable evidence of of an eventual life in hell the Dope-Bot will respond with a hearty Haw Haw Haw!

He must be able to Transform! Say, into a Library Bookmobile.

If not, he needs pointy black plastic “hair”, 500,000 horsepower, & big Anime eyes for cuteness.