My favorite stupid cat story was actually a video from America’s Funniest Home Videos. There was a clip that showed a Siamese-type cat asleep on top of a large aquarium, and he fell in. The fun part was that although it looked like they were repeating the same clip, the date and time stamp on the video kept changing. They captured their cat falling into the aquarium five days in a row. I about died.
Little regular dumb behaviour from our cats, just the odd gem.
Our old cat Frisbee liked to sit in the middle of the road and not even look at cars that stopped and waited for her to move.
My old cat Pushkin could push doors open but was baffled by doors that required a pull (what do you know, his name was a pun all along!) Doors to be pulled were pushed. And pushed. And pushed again until I had laughed enough at him. Then once when he was sleeping in the boiler room, he tried for once to pull the door open. When I unlatched it he kept grabbing it with his front paws and the weight of the door pushed him so he walked backwards on his hind legs.
Then our intrepid cat Joe came up with a hunting method that involved sitting on top of the bird table.
My girlfriend’s cats are no better, they happily jump off the roof of the front of her house then forget how high up it is and mewl at lenght to be let back in so they can jump off again :rolleyes:
This story made me laugh so hard I had to go throw up.
My sweet dumb departed Edie loved to be on top of things, particularly the bookcases in the study. I had two on one wall, then three on the adjoining wall with the front corners meeting. Of course, they were all full of books. Heavy books. One night, she was walking on them, just minding her own business, and I heard a Scrabble-Thump noise as she fell down the hole in the corner, then a Whimper-Mew as she realized the predicament she was in. There she was, in a 12" x12" wide shaft about 6’ deep, meowing for help. Just like baby Jessica in the well, she was lodged. Poor thing, she fell not on her feet exactly due to the tight space, and she couldn’t have jumped 6 feet up in the best of circumstances. It took a good 15-20 minutes for me to clear the shelves and remove one bookcase to let her out.
Actually, this is the same cat that lived with me in a certain apartment, and when I wasn’t looking, she could sneak up to the attic, walk across on the beams, and fall down into the walls. I don’t know how she got herself out of that, but she did it more than once and didn’t seem any worse for the wear.
Another precious angel I had used to lie in the street and not move when cars came. I saw more than one driver park, get out, pick her up, and move her to the sidewalk, then get back in the car and drive on. She wasn’t deaf, either, just intractable.
Just when you think they can’t get even dumber…
Emmy’s apparently afraid of the carpet now. But not the WHOLE carpet. Just a couple of spots in the living room.
That shift.
Every day.
So she’s only afraid of a couple of spots of carpet, but they are NEVER IN THE SAME PLACE.
And she jumps two feet in the air every single time she walks by them.
I’m so glad I have at least ONE smart cat. :smack:
E.
Oh yeah–we had a cat who chased birds on nature shows, too. He’d sneak up behind the TV, jump on top of it and paw down at them from the top.
So, if same cat were to live somewhere out in the black mining hills of Dakota, and killed a chicken and ate it, he would’ve been severely constipated?
“Predicament” must’ve earned her a bundle of points!
I was working on my computer one day, and on the floor next to me was an empty shopping bag. I had left it there because cats like to go into shopping bags. Sure enough, Maya came into the room and went directly into the shopping bag. A few minutes later, she started to emerge, and her head went through the handle of the bag.
I thought to myself, “This is going to end badly.”
Well, Maya panicked and started to run, with her entire body still within the bag. Somehow, she got the bag flipped around so she couldn’t see anything, and just ran and ran, out into the hallway, and flying down a flight of stairs, landing on the other cat who was sleeping in the living room. She then continued to blindly run, knocking over several houseplants and a chair, before crashing into a wall. By then, the bag was in tatters, and she emerged with a totally stunned expression on her face. She continued looking stunned for the rest of the day.
Well, we used to have a cat named Stanley who (even before we had him neutered) could not figure out how to… um… mate. We tried to keep him inside, but he was a pretty big and powerful beast and he could get the back door open if we didn’t latch it shut. So, every once in a while we’d get treated to the sight of him out in the back yard trying to propagate. (Our neighbors had a female cat who seemed to be pretty much constantly in heat.)
He’d bite the female cat on the neck and stand on one side of her. Then he’d climb over her back (teeth still firmly clamped on her neck) and stand on the other side of her. About that time, Ms. Kitty would usually get the message that she didn’t want any kittens fathered by this total moron, and would smack him across the chops and take off.
Actually, thinking back, our Frisbee was a bit silly, she was afraid of mirrors, on more than one occasion she tried to jump through a pane of glass, she got her head stuck in a fence made of plastic netting and had to be cut free and then fought the washing on the line with the result she got her claws stuck in a towel and as the wind blew the towel dragged her (standing upright on her hind legs) round and round before I could get to her 
Heh, our cat Joe loves watching Bill Oddie on the Beeb, for the birds and not for the presenter though.
Remembered another, one of my girlfriend’s cats jumped down from the top of an armchair into a box resting on the seat cushion. With perfect timing, she jumped and the box toppled onto the floor upside down, trapping her underneath. Trying to get out, she walked about a bit, until my g/f’s tomcat decided he liked the looks of the box to sit on walked over and sat on it, completely trapping poor Psyche the cat underneath 
I was just reminded of another trick one of my cats does. Yogi is a retired clinic cat. He lived at Northside Animal Hospital for several years, until he was caught moving too slowly through a swinging door and had to have surgery on both hips. It was decided that it would not be safe for him to be a clinic cat any longer, and since I had been his “mom” when I worked there it was decided to call me and see if I wanted him.
The handset of the phone was still warm when I showed up at the clinic.
The foregoing is to explain why Yogi is declawed. Most of my cats are not, but the two I got as adults had the procedure done before I got them. Yogi is a polydactyl - he has extra toes on all four feet. His front feet look as if he had thumbs, and he looks like he is walking on tip-toe.
He doesn’t know he is declawed. He doesn’t bother the couch, or the sofa, or the various items placed for cat-scratching needs around the cat suite. However, if a cardboard box comes his way, Yogi goes to town! I have tried to explain to him that his toes are not going to get any sharper, but he keeps at it, his eyes closed in feline bliss and his purr going like a truck engine.
A chicken in the wild, so to speak? Good question, and one to which I don’t know the answer. All I know is a pound of raw boneless chicken breast from Food Lion stopped him up but good.
(The vet probably just simplified the diagnosis – he might not have been technically “constipated” but definitely was suffering from digestive distress caused by a metric buttload of raw chicken breast trying to work through his tract more or less all at once.)
Funniest post I have read this week! Please don’t copyright “a metric buttload” as I will be using that to refer to any large but non-specific quantity in all future conversations. It will replace the now time-worn “shitload” and “shitpot full” which were probably passe’ in 1960 but I have kept them afloat for my own usage. There are just some ways of saying things that capture all that’s needed.
I’m just glad I don’t own this cat.
My dearest baby is overweight-not as badly as the kitty in the link but getting there. She is currently unable to bathe herself real well. So the poor thing has dandruff and a bald patch. The dandruff is all over. The bald patch is her right forelimb. She would be thinner and probably happier if all the other cats were gone :rolleyes: -she is the only cat who gets to go on vacation because she is the best traveler. While on vacation she gets unlimited Mom contact, canned cat food and full run of the cabin. While at home she only sits and watchs everyone-no running after toys anymore-apparently that is beneth her. She has only a stump for a tail and is easily intimidated by evercat else.
I am at a loss on how to help her. Any advice?
Are you sure he wasn’t successfully mating with them? Feline intercourse can last less than 5 seconds, and the female attacks the male when they’re done.
… Because the males penis is barbed, IIRC.
This is true, but the reaction of the female is a reflex caused by any sufficient vaginal stimulation. The same response can be induced when manually bringing a female cat out of heat, with a blunt-ended rod or with external pressure on the vulva.
Oh yes, all of the “stupid cat in the road” stories reminded me. My parents currently have a grey cat who likes to sleep in the middle of the road. Luckily for him they live on a quiet street, but the reaction of strangers is kind of amusing, especially when he’s lying there belly-up, looking like, well, roadkill. You’ll see them walking down the street, suddenly get this concerned look, very gingerly approach the cat to check him out, then hurry off looking relieved when he moves.
Stupid cat.
Y’know, that’s something I just haven’t tried. Ever.
Ok, now we’re venturing into TMI territory.
Blunt ended rod?