Let's Help Trump Raise Some Money

The BBQ Pit
1

Since Trump has less money in the campaign bank than a lot of California congressional candidates, he needs some good fund raising ideas. The traditional donors seem to be telling him to get lost. So here are two.

  1. Have a telethon, where for every $50K donated Trump agrees to sing “If I were a rich man.” $100K, he sings it twice. $150, thrice. etc.

  2. Have Mel Brooks write a new musical, done in colonial dress. The hero decides that he can make a lot of money by running for president, getting lots of donations, not spending very much, and then losing big. But irony of irony, he wins the nomination and now faces having to spend it all and more on the election.
    We can call it Scamilton.

Any more.

(Mods, feel free to move if this is too jovial for Elections.)

2

Groin Kicking Booth. Donate $100, you get to kick Trump in the groin. For $500 you can wear golf shoes. For a grand, baseball spikes.

3

Kissing booth with Ivanka as the pucker-partner?

4

I think this will do better in The BBQ Pit.

5

What if I simply donated money to one of Trump’s favorite charities?
Whad’ya mean he dosen’t have any favorite charities?

6

Can I wear a Donald mask while I’m kissing her?

7

Trump Circus Peanuts
Trump Urinal Cakes

8

But caveat emptor: they’re both orange, and taste about the same.

“But don’t worry, we’re gonna have huuuuge warnings! In only the best fonts.”

9

Pimp that daughter out.

10

What about Territorial Recovery Under Monetary Policies? I understand it’s sort of like Robin Hood…

Only in reverse.

11

I’m reminded of the SNL sketch, way back when, about Ross Perot raising money for his bid for the presidency. I don’t remember all the details, but it was something like him holding a rally and people get all riled up, some guy writing him a check, then dead-pan into the camera: Wait a minuted-- I just gave money to a billionaire…

12

Why can’t Trump just get Mexico to finance his political campaign?

13

I’d gladly promise him $50,000 to redo my kitchen, provided I could pay him the same way he paid his contractors.

14

Wear a Sanders mask.

15

Wear a Hillary mask.

16

With his picture on them. I guarantee, they’d get lots of use.

17

Only if he sings it in Yiddish.

18

Make Mexico pay for his campaign!

19

Guys, girls, and promoters of redundancy: Mexico’s finances are all committed to some massive construction project along the border. They don’t have so much as a spare peso any more.

20

I’d happily participate in a televised fundraiser for The Donald. The way it would work is, you pledge $5000 and in return you get to hurl insults at him on national television, and he only gets the money if he stays nice and quiet for five full minutes and smiles the whole time. You can use any insults you like, but “short-fingered vulgarian” must be mentioned at least once.

If he passes and is still smiling after five minutes, you get to make him a “deal”. You spin a wheel that has varying amounts between $0 and $50, and that’s all he gets, because you are a Deal Maker and he is a Loser. The wheel will also have a position marked “Bankrupt”, which requires The Donald to give up everything he’s earned in the game so far, and the player is required to declare “Huzzah! Another brilliant bankruptcy!” while giving The Donald a swift kick in the ass.