I think the easiest option would be to invent a time machine and go back to before
the moon appeared, then fire a Nasa DART style projectile at it, deflecting it from
it’s earth bound trajectory.
We already have the DART thing so we only need the time machine.
Maybe Mr. Musk could look into it.
Mr. Musk unfortunately just stepped into it, big time, with his late move into Social Media hemmorhaging greenbacks at a furious clip, something he might have anticipated but he must have been suffering a bout of Middle Age spread and thought he could buy back his youth by investing in this patently juvenile enterprise - his idea of a “time machine” if you want to take it there. Yes, I’d thought of tapping into his once-boundless piggy bank, isn’t it odd that all our Plutocrats are getting shafted lately, we just lost Bolso too unless the patriotic Brasiliantines wake up from their Rio beach blankets and pull a fast one. One might think there is an invisible hand pulling the Slinky out of our reach just when it seems attainable.
Incidentally I was all set to observe the Lunar Eclipse but nodded off. Why hasn’t anyone sent a camera on a tripod to the Moon; that way we’d never miss anything? What do you bet the Chinese have that in mind, because as we know now the Moon has a front and a back, and no one can tell what’s going on behind it that might just include eclipses we can’t see, which Copernicus predicted? So many questions!
Hatchie, Hatchie, Hatchie… My dear boy. So close to seeing the truth, but still so far to go.
I have long admired your depth of perception a la Mr Swift, but I think you’re unwise to focus so much on our little island. I know for a fact that the only original copies of those weighty tomes that exist here were the ones my girlfriend Stephanie (first girlfriend, long story) brought back to me when she inexplicably went to live in the USA during our joint childhoods. I think you should consider that.
You should stop thinking about the other side of the moon, definitely. There’s only one way to see round THAT particular corner as I’m sure you know!
Well thanks for caring, but the interest in your home kingdom was only ever about the money, and I admit I went a little coo-coo when I got that fiver in the mail. It’s still a mystery, but I think maybe my nephew might have sent it as a joke. The kid thinks my ideas are “impractical”, and that’s putting it nicely, and I went back and looked at the envelope and noticed it had a Nixon stamp on it, what you might call a “tipoff”.
You are right about the Moon, and it got me to thinking, who’s minding the decomissioned Hubble Space Telescope, now that it has been consigned to the scrapheap of Astronomy? I know it is losing attitude and will eventually crash and burn, not necessarily in that order, in fact I assumed they were going to blow it up before that happened, but guess not, so meanwhile I think they ought to rent it out for private concerns like me to do as we please. (This of course would be tightly regulated, no spies allowed.) What I would like to do is point it at the Sun, and leave it there, because while most scientists are obssessed with Deep Space, photons from the Event that kick-started the Universe, long ago and way too late to do anything about it, they are ignoring our own neighboring star and that’s dangerous, especially now that climate change is in the news, they talk about carbon emissions but as far as I know nobody’s mentioned the root of the problem, and if we could just cool down the Sun by a few degrees would that not solve the problem? I’d be happy to rob Peter to pay Paul, since one of them (take your pick) is being a jerk! Again, likely very expensive, but the saying “money to burn” has never seemed so pertinent!
How about sending some more of those DART things to divert Venus’ orbit
to a permanent position between Earth and the Sun.
Small but not insignificant.
Good thinking, though not sure what this DART thing is, perhaps you could spell it out because I hate acronyms, at least this one makes a word but clearly not the sort of “dart” your mates in the pub like to throw when not guzzling cider (stand way back please!).
Apparently it stands for Double Asteroid Redirection Test.
Obviously one of those highly contrived acronyms where they thought
of the word “dart” first and then tried to find words to fit. Why else
would they have to find an asteroid orbiting another one (ie, double) when
any old asteroid would probably have done just as well.
Single Asteroid Redirection Test would have yielded SART. Not as
cool i think you’ll agree.
By my calculations, Venus is about 973,500,000 times more massive than the
asteroid, so we would need 973,500,000 DART missiles, or one which
is 973,500,000 times as massive. My recommendation would be some sort
of compromise, for example 10,000 missiles 97,350 times massiver.
(and, yes, that is a word. Well it is now anyway)
Looking at your picture there - is that really what Venus looks like in front of the sun? Because I used to wonder why we never hear about the Venus Eclipses, and now I know! It’s about as much good as a fly passing by. Not much help, and although I thought lowering the temperature of the sun itself (an ongoing nuclear fusion event fueled by helium that is far from over) would do the trick I’m not sure the technology (throwing dark matter at it, but not too much!) is ready to go, and we need a solution Now, and I can’t emphasize that enough. But the Venus-as-beach umbrella idea has some merit, only why not move Terra closer to our Sister Planet - careful now, if you mess up the calculations it would make things worse - what you want here is a Permanent semi-eclipse, where enough solar is blocked to return us to a reasonable state of Temperance, I calculate equivalent to Elizabeth Arden SPF 5O+ Sunscreen, that’s just a back-of-the-envelope figure and I wouldn’t run off and lock it in without a lot of checking so don’t go and do something foolish without my say-so, it could be disasterous. Anyway I think repositing Terra though not easy might be easier (not cheap though but nothing ever is) than shooting 973,500,00 DARTs, more than Andy Capp ever dreamed of, and before I forget SPF stands for Solar Something Something, like I said I’m not good with acronyms and there’s a reason for that.
Terra is the Big Brother, so I think it might be better (and easier) to move Venus to us. Perhaps a long line with a big hook, and just it reel it in.
Not funny! But the reason I think moving Terra is better, we’re already here, strap a rocket (a bunch of them) to the South Pole and the planet can be moved - but steering it might prove tricky. Anyway I just had a better idea, which occurred to me when looking up Elizabeth Arden products, and here it is:
A vail like she is wearing could theoretically be shot into space, that would block enough Solar heat to get us out of the frying pan. And we could get it made in Pakistan - lots of my clothes seem to be made there, and prices are damn reasonable. Of course you need to use Space fabric if you want it to last more than six months, but I think Amazon has that, and furthermore they guarantee fast delivery, and if they complain “That doesn’t include Outer Space” you tell them in no uncertain terms that’s not in the Guarantee so figure it out or there’s a lawsuit that will make your pal Elon look like a walk in Central Park, that should prove to be motivating, that’s the only language these guys understand so pull up your Big Boy khakis or know the reason why! (They have drones too.)
To clarify, it would have to be much bigger than hers. Several square miles, in case you thought I was being cute - I am dead serious! Also, they have new fibers made of graphite with remarkable properties. You put it in orbit so it’s always between us and Sun, it shakes off the heat like a wet dog.
Unfortunately that’s not a possible orbit. An object in a smaller orbit can’t have the same orbital period. You’re going to need thrusters on your veil. (I assume you meant “veil” and don’t really plan to launch Vail Colorado into orbit, although I won’t strongly object to either plan.)
Oh. Why is there always a catch?
Well okay, thrusters might work, or you might be able to use Solar Wind, I remember hearing about that somewhere, you can actually use particles the Sun is sloughing off. See, there’s no problem we can’t fix by putting our heads together, except no need, I already did it, someone else can iron out the details. (But thanks for catching the spelling error, Miss Arden tips her “veil” to you.)
Time reversal is the easy part of the equation. You just need Superman (or a reasonable facsimile) to fly around Earth counter-rotationally at superluminal speed til you get to your desired year. Easy-peasy.
And while Supe’s at it, he should fix Earth’s off-kilter tilt. Aussie’s depiction of Santa Claus in a bathing suit lounging on a beach every Christmas is a perversion of nature that must stop ASAP. I’ve got nothing against Australians, but c’mon, they are pretty weird folks—am I right? We’ve got to rein them in.
Okay, I’m putting this thread on “time-out”. This always happens when a few of you get over stimulated.
You are free to engage in idle chit-chat if you must, but don’t look for me to return until I decide you need it.
Before you give up on this idea, you should watch this recent documentary…
The Wandering Earth 2 - Wikipedia
This is what happens when I allow Mission Creep to pollute my perfectly delineated proposal. And I apologize, it’s entirely my fault, but like every human, I can be subject to loss of focus which I told myself wouldn’t happen, then it did. I do hope if you have stuck with me so far, you will continue to stick. Someone else can move Venus or however you want to bake it.
But - first let’s dispense with this Chinese science fiction, which is just Space 1999 but without Barbara Bain. And I refuse to reference sci-fi in any form, because I get so tired of you flakes whose every reference point seems to be one of the two bloated TV / Movie franchises, I won’t name them, but judging by what I read every one of you hates them as much as I do, but some of you still can’t let go so are compelled to shoehorn some sidewise crack about why everything post-“Trilogy” or “TOS” (another acronym, does it ever quit?) just ruined your life, it could be a discussion of favorite brownie recipes but nothing will kill a vibe faster than someone insisting the ultimate brownies are made with Klingon space-cocoa or something. But here, we deal only in facts, why you ask, because that stuff ain’t real. I don’t read comic books either.
(By the way, I am aware that some of you off-brand contributors are trying to tie me in with aliens from Outer Space; other than Feep I don’t know of any but in that regard I have made inquiries and I have no truck with Conspiracists of any stripe, inside or outside the Government, it’s only Facts that interest me, and you can find those in books, and much of what you read has been “debunked”, but they never tell you how it got “bunked” in the first place - what are they afraid of? You shouldn’t need me to steer you away from the False Gods of speculation - at best I can only provide a “gentle shove”.)
(Oh, and again, anyone who has decided I’m a Johnny One-Note needs to hear this: I am a respected member of long-standing in this Community, you can find me all over the place, but especially in Polls Only, which is where I do a lot of my research. The one about the Shopping List? I need to know who is buying all that Jiffy muffin mix, and now I do know. Yet I still am considered a “Guest” here! At very least I should be Special Guest - maybe someone can tell me how to apply for an upgrade, but if it costs money forget it.)
Getting to the heart, I have now severed all ties with the Swift family, with great regret I might add, and it needs emphasizing I never actually made formal contact, as they aren’t in the phone book (a lot of other Swifts are, and I called them all, but nobody seems to have heard of Tom Jr., or else they think it’s a joke). But I figure the real Swifts must be aware of my operation, so if Tom is still alive, sorry but it’s clear that you have fallen on hard times since the Old Man sold you out - in fact, now I know how and why; having discovered this patent for a blatant knockoff of what should rightfully be yours, the Atomic Earth Blaster (ABE):
And who are the pirates behind this? As unshakable as I am these days, I admit I had a dizzy moment when I found the Cabal behind this swindle was based in Los Alamos, NM - ever heard of the place? Home of the Atomic Energy Commission! You know, the Bomb and all that. And they apparently own this shoddy impostor (it doesn’t even have “exhaust ports for hot gases” - how is it even supposed to work?) and aren’t about to let anyone use it, Future of the Planet be damned! It kind of irks me. I only wish I had the know-how to construct a bootleg of the AEB based on Tom Jr.’s original concept, (see diagram somewhere up there) but I don’t know what a Sonic Vibrator is or where to get one. (Take it easy, Eschereal, I already know you’re about to suggest I get a Hitachi Magic Wand, well maybe your mom would care to donate hers?)
Now it’s on the news, there’s something up with the Earth’s core, it stopped rotating, in which case we’re all dead anyway. Adios! (Don’t worry, I’ll get this sorted out. I think the AEC is on to us and is trying to throw a little scare but it won’t work; I’ll let you know when to panic.)
Quick question: I have a box of Cream of Wheat individual instant serving packets in my pantry, it seems to be of an older vintage (it has the Pullman Porter on the box, now they got rid of him since apparently they no longer serve breakfast on Amtrak, I’m not averse to Change but come on!) and I wonder, how do you tell if meal worms have got into it? I opened one packet and it looked like there were tiny black specks in it - are those insect eggs or just wheat germ? Awaiting a response - please hurry as my water is boiling.
You have nothing to worry about regarding the black spots in cream of wheat. I don’t have time to write the complete story right now, so eat what you have on the boil and I’ll post more later. Bon appetit!
I’m back.
I trust your cream of wheat was tasty!
…As I was saying, black specks in cream of wheat are nothing to worry about. They are not meal worm eggs. And, they are not fatal.
They are in fact the eggs of a different type of worm, a rare worm, known as Muscusey vermiformis (aka the crawling snot worm).
When the M. vermiformis eggs reach your stomach, they hatch and multiply by the billions. Then they grow to enormous lengths (>3 meters), excrete a thick, malodorous, green mucous over its body, and finally crawl back up your esophagus and ultimately slither out your nostrils.
There is no known cure for this infestation, but as I said, it’s not fatal, and something you can learn to live with.
If you’re the shy type, it could present a problem in public (e.g. on a blind date with a squeamish woman). But, this is nothing you can’t handle without discretion and a large handkerchief.