No !
But you do need to think about these things.
And $2M seems a bit steep for an atomic earth blaster…
Daddy-o ain’t but one on the Planet. And it’s hot! No markdowns, and we’re lucky this guy didn’t go on eBay with this junk.
You wanna get us all BUSTED? Shhhh!
According to Vladimir Obruchev and Edgar Rice Burroughs, the entrance is near the north pole.
Indeed, many solutions proffered thus far have been rather far-fetched and dare I say, laughable (I dared say it).
Luckily, I have a serious solution to the problems posed in the OP—a simple, obvious solution: drive Earth to a better star system and set up camp there.
This is painfully easy to do. Simply strap a bunch of giant rocket engines together someplace unimportant and expendable (like Australia), fire those babies up, then blast Earth off to a star system more interesting than our sun. Easy peasy.
I recommend that we go into orbit around a neat binary star system in such a manner that we have 24/365 daylight and 72F global temperature at all times. Who needs nighttime and chilly weather?!?
The molten core problem will be solved during the interstellar trip when Earth freezes and the cold exterior conducts to the core, cooling it down to a solid state. The crust will warm up again around the new star (s). Time to take your mittens off!
If we find a binary system with no other planets, Earth will, by default, be the #1 planet (because it’ll be the only planet).
I also recommend that we gather a number of moons to orbit Earth in its new home. Having just one boring moon has irked me for some time. Let’s have half a dozen moons, all of different colors and shapes. Think of all the new poems and C&W songs that could be written!
Problems//solutions. You’re welcome.
…and he’s available.
I just found out that Boris got the boot, sad because there was a real chance he would sign on; they called him Mussylini but that was a carefully calculated front which the “deep insiders” (shadow lords and ladies) were well aware of and that is why he had to go, and not incidentally his parties were all videotaped, and if you think the Russians had the goods on Trump, good luck, I have a Brooklyn Bridge I’d like to buy from you.
Of course without him the UK is basically useless in a financial sense.
We’re on our way! Astounding science-fact!
First fact: I have made the deal. My lowball offer of two million has been cinched. This is how it went. Me: I’ll give you two million. Seller: Done. Me: Really? (I admit I feel a little guilty, taking advantage like that; the guy must be extremely desperate, but these criminal types can be easy marks if you play your aces.)
(By the way, you might be asking what proof do we have - we are already dealing in a gray market area. Believe me I did not go into this like a barefoot pilgrim! Have a look for yourself.
As you can see, this is Tom (Jr’s) original blueprint of the AEB, yellow with age. Close inspection reveals features such as “POWER CONVERSION EQUIPMENT” and “EXHAUST PORTS FOR HOT GASES”. Good enough for me. (Incidentally I did a search and can confirm, no patents exist for the AEB or indeed anything else from Swift Enterprises, this was puzzling but I think the Government back then had a “nod and wink” agreement with the Swifts which uiltimately backfired, they were supposed protect the lab but got the doddering Tom Senior, Esq. to sign shady some papers that basically reverted rights to all Tom Jr’s inventions to the ATF which they have since suppressed now for decades or more!)
On to thing 2. Well our fundraising operation is off to the races. I am proud to announce we got our first Matching Donation, and it came from a rather surprising source. My first contribution, priming the pump so to speak, was still warm when I received an instant offer to match any contributions we get in kind (money). But that’s not all - a few days later I received a tissue paper envelope, the kind foreigners use, and this was in it:
English money - I believe they call it a “fiver”. And I’m sure I don’t have to identify Lady E. Regina on the bill. What’s exciting here is not so much the amount but rather the influence of the Donor. Do you see it? This person is telling us he’s a Royal, and I don’t want to reveal his name so we’ll just call him Andrew. This is amazing luck in many ways, suddenly the stink of Power envelops us, money breeds money, and I predict the checkered flag will soon be in sight, so (whispered tip) get in now or you miss out, and we won’t be casting a backward glance.
I’m almost too giddy to type! Hang on Sloopy!
(PS, could someone take a quick look over that diagram; I’m a little confused which end you point downward to start digging - wouldn’t do to get it wrong! Thanks.)
By the way, I missed it but Aug. 20 was the second anniversary of my starting this project, it hasn’t always been easy dodging petty jealosies that are sadly endemic to our World, paradigm shifts are often poo-poo’d but shortsightedness has ever been part of our Human condition; even so I’m proud of how this topic (on an obscure and moribund Message Board) has survived and thrived, and you couldn’t have done it without me (and I want to give special recognition to our friend from the UK, who has made a lasting thumprint all over this thread, even if Boris turned out to be a False God, it has worked out very well and it better keep on doing so, cheers Wizzo).
Okay, that’s just weird. The happenstance I mean, given yesterday’s update.
I will make no comment - yet.
You haven’t handed over any money yet, have you ?
Because i’ve just noticed a small flaw…
If you look closely at that diagram, just to the left of the power duct there’s
a crack right down the middle. You can see daylight through it.
It’s broken.
And besides, an atomic Earth blaster isn’t a device to blast into the Earth, it’s a device to blast the Earth into another solar system.
Uh oh.
But I do know a good body shop. I mean, worth a try.
Tibby, no disrespect but what does a cat know about anything?
We know enough to hack up a fur ball into your slipper when you get our whiskers twitchin’
I can remain silent no longer. You all saw it; on Wednesday I wrote about receiving a letter (no return address!) presumably from a member of the Royal Family; less than 24 hours later the Queen is dead! Needless to say my brain is aflame with the potential skulduggery of it all!
I’d wanted to wait a decent interval, maybe keep silent until after the funeral, but I see decency does not hold a candle on this Board - the major thread here has gone from “She has passed, how sad” to “Who gets the jewels?” in no time at all! There’s your decency.
In any case, I have composed a letter to the new King and I want to share it here; best our suspicions get a disinfectant airing now before this whole bad business gets swept under the carpet.
HRH King Charles III (Charles Regina)
Balmoral Summer House
Scotland UK
Dear CR,
I am not a citizen of your country but I think I can speak for the entire Commonwealth when I demand that it is vitally important that the complete Autopsy report, and in particular the Toxicology subsection be made public as expediently as possible. What it may reveal is very relevant in case fingers need to be pointed; I don’t think I need to explain why, not when that bad business in Salisbury is still fresh in our minds. There are too many coincidences at play here. They must not get away with this!
Sorry about your Mum,
J. Vincent Hatch (Pete),
concerned American
(This will be sent by Express mail, which unfortunately means our pledge drive is back to zero.)
Not to make you feel bad, but did you consider the possibility that it was your not replying to the Queen’s letter that caused her to give up the will to live?
Cause of death: Hatchie
Umm the HRH King Charles should have Charles Rex, not Charles Regina.
Oh how clever of you to point that out, please let me know if I can do you a favor in return; I might be able to get you a job rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic (it’s underwater but the chairs are still a mess).
I’m sure Charles is happy to called anything besides Philandering Old Failure!
Hello again. Out here in Roslindale in October, things are generally wet and dreary. So forgive me if I wax morose today. Progress? Does it even exist?
The UK has been a big ball of nothing; sorry Nigel, with all the turmoil lately I feel your despair. A few have suggested I set my sights on China, they have all the money these days, but there are good reasons (beside the Godless Red Communist thing) why I don’t. Start with the fact that they changed Peking to Beijing - who does that? I had to buy a new World Globe, and who do you think makes those? Please, stop! Second, their leader is named Chairman Xi - that’s right, name starts with an “X” (so trendy) but they pronounce it “she”! Are you kidding? And the second in command is - drum roll please - Vice Chairman Hu! So basically, China is an Abbot and Costello routine. “Who’s in charge?” “No, Xi.” “Who’s she?” “Hu’s not Xi, Hu is under Xi.” “Wait, you mean she is on top? On top of who?” “Exactly!” You see how this could get out of hand? And they want us to give Taiwan back - not on my watch!
So I really need to get this runaway choo-choo back on track here; the Atomic Earth Blaster (AEB) is even now slipping through our fingers. I know, you’re tired of hearing about it, so am I, so right now I have come up with a new slogan, “STOP THE STEEL” - do you get it? Like the Core of Terra is Molten Iron? And we have to un-Molten it? So this is a thing that could catch on. And to do that, I have convinced a local group, really just a Bar Band, you wouldn’t have heard of them, but they are going to go Heavy Metal (like Iron) on my prompting, and record a hit song based on my slogan:
(I know, the straw boaters look ridiculous, but that was their idea - frankly these guys are a bit on the clueless side but I had to agree to let them dress like that - they decided they needed an original look and this was the best they could come up with, like an 1890s banjo band, like I said they’re really just a Tuesday Nite at Sporter’s type of act but they are sincere in supporting the cause, so I can’t be too picky, shows how desperate I am, ha-ha.)
Oh incidentally, the Atomic Earth Blaster (AEB) seller has gone missing, and that is concerning me enough that I am rethinking whether I better have a back-up plan. It’s starting to look like the Tom Swift family has split into squabbling factions. I found this old book the other day - it’s about the exploits of Tom Senior, way back in the days before Tom Junior was just a glint in his loin:
Well, you can see that as a young inventor, he wasn’t exactly Thomas J. Edison. His big innovation was a Boat! Pretty sure they already had those back then! So when this snot-nose kid Tom Jr. comes along and basically goes to the moon by Book 4 or 5, there might be resentments. I get that, I’ve seen it up close and personal, not to get into things that are Nobody’s business! So if as seems likely the carpet is being yanked, I want you to understand, it’s not me doing the yanking. (It might be the Chinese: Yan-king, get it? Sorry, that was kind of racist.)
And I still get 20%.
There are some things we just can’t stand, or shouldn’t have to. Time is one of them.
November 6, and Time dictates that we turn our clocks backwards, and if I have to do this many more times, the adjusting stem on the Banjo clock in my den is going to break off! And I’m pretty sure Seth Thomas is not going to show up to fix it.
I’m doubly aggrieved this time, and I’ll tell you why - the Junior Senator of my state (who by the way is actually older than the Senior one, how is that fair?) has announced he will file yet again another doomed bill to make Daylight Savings permanent. Oh wonderful news - I’m so glad I don’t pay my taxes if this is what they’re up to.
I would be in favor of making Standard Time permanent year round, but there has to be a reckoning. I discovered that all of time around the world is not in fact set to Greenwich Village as the universal standard; rather there’s a place in England (sorry to keep referencing this tiny landlocked island, which no offense but its Glory days are well and truly long passed) called Greenwich Mean that has a single dubious claim to fame, a Royal Observatory that we’re apparently all supposed to bow our heads and twist our stems to. Says the King, I guess, but I suggest we go 'em one better and institute America Time - we don’t even have to spend any money for this since we already have our Naval Stargazing Observatory to do the grunt work, they use expensive Cesium atoms, not rusty old Big Ben.
Now the real issue here is all of this trouble is related to our Planet’s tilted axis, where the North and South Hemospheres take turns being inclined towards the sun as we make our once-a-year rotation, all of this clock setting is to blame for this. Why can’t we repair this anomaly, which all started when it got bumped some billions of years ago by a passing body named Theia in what is known as the Impact Hypothesis, from which the Moon was born - it was a dangerous period back then. When that ruckus settled down we were left with a polar region that had a serious wobble, and this is where the seasons come from. Could this not be corrected? I’ll have to think about that and get back, but one thing is certain, you’d never have to mess with Time twice a year because without the tilt, the seasons would be moot; even the far Arctic regions like Nome would get at least some sunlight every day, I bet you won’t hear any complaints from them! It might also solve the El Niño problem as well - not a bad tradeoff if you ask me. I suppose a World Congress would have to sign off on something like that, lots of paperwork which is the crowning achievement of Civilization, I wonder if the great Apes realized what they were getting into when they went Cro-Magnon, but I guess that ship has sailed and it’s really time a new one was launched, and I don’t mean to Mars - what’s the big fascination with going there anyway? Like I said, Mercury is closer and as long as you keep moving you can avoid getting fried like a bad egg, and there’s abundant ice in the craters according to a prominent lesbian from Canada.