Spare wheel cum people transporter
from supermarket straight to grill
The precription windshield. That way, you can wear your sunglasses and still have 20/20 vision while driving. The best part is that folks in oncoming cars will say, “Look at the size of that guy’s head!”
I bought several of those from Eddie Bauer. You set them in the sunlight during the day to charge up for night. They’re quite useful in situations such as traveling outside the United States were you could run out of batteries.
I should have known.
Beach sunglasses. They’re normal looking sunglasses, that allow you to see about 30 degrees to one side. You can watch, umm, beachgoers while looking in another direction. It’s a way for us old guys to stay out of trouble.
I’ve actually pitched this idea to my eye-doctor. He’s kinda wacky and already makes glow-in-the-dark contact lenses for his patients on Halloween. They come in red, yellow, or green and look really creepy. He also has a pet Zebra. (Come to think of it, he’d probably fit in really well here)
Sorry, missed edit window. Wife informs me Zebra is actually something called a Zorse.
The Happy Ender Bender: a device similar to the Ab Roller, designed to help men give themselves fellatio.
The Camel Toe Tickler: Sick of showing off your camel toe in your yoga pants? This handy device not only fills in the crevice between toes, but also adds a little “extra” for a better yoga workout. Order now and get the Silent Happy Pill (batteries included) FREE!
The Cougar Tamer Kit: Got those middle aged divorcee’s all over your butt all the time? The Cougar Tamer Kit comes with:
Wallet with fake ID and 20 pictures of your “kids” and “wife.”
Water Soluable “Prison Tatts”
Eau de Vomite and Eau de Shart’e
Emergency Gravy Stain Squirter (never stains!)
Canceled credit cards
ORDER NOW!
The beach glasses thing already exists, saw a tv add for it. Basically it’s just sunglasses with mirroring on the inside so you can see behind you.
Is the idea to stretch out your lips so long that you can suck your own dick? Kind of like those neck rings things that certain African women use to elongate their necks?
I want to be the first customer.
That’s so gay!
No. I think it’s the only thing which might have a chance of ‘curing’ gayness! 
And think of the savings on lubes alone!
A phone that randomly forwards incoming calls to random numbers
An unprinter: put a piece of paper with writing on it, and it comes out completely white
An eraser that only erases vowels
One of those shoe padding things that you put on the inside of your shoes, only this one is lined with grass, so it feels like you’re walking barefoot on the grass the whole day
Auto-walkers: A pair of mechanical legs attached to the belt-like apparatus that you wear. Program them to walk automatically so that when you walk, they hang out of the way, but at any time you can push a button and one or both legs will walk for you. There is a handy little stirrup on each limb so you can rest your real legs on it when you don’t feel like using them
The RLP (Rocket Laser Printer) – each page you print is sent into orbit on a Saturn 5 booster, and positioned so that one of the Airborne Laser Defense 747’s can etch the printing onto the page. The page is then packed into a heat-resistant package, de-orbited to splash down in the South Atlantic, where is is picked up by a naval task force and flown directly to your home or office by an F35 VTOL Joint Strike Fighter.
If you have to ask how much the replacement cartridges are, you can’t afford them.