Let's pass on the next sex scandal.

I saw a headline on these here internets that Boehner is being accused of having affairs. I didn’t read the article because you know what? I don’t care. I didn’t care about that shirtless swashbuckling congressperson who resigned either. I don’t care about most sex scandals- gay, straight, left or right. This country has a looooong way to go before it resembles, say, Italy, so how about we just overlook the next few non-egregious sex scandals? There is going to be a minimum level of ‘badness’ or whatever you want to call it in pretty much every public figure. Can we try to keep the focus on what policies are being proposed instead of so-and-so’s wiener?

I better go make a scandal while I can still get a free pass for it!

Let’s wait until a Democrat is accused and then we can all go ahead and ignore it, k?

I don’t care who Boehner is baining. If he’s not in the middle of denouncing his opponents for it, then it has no hypocrisy value. If he’s not pooping a diaper while doing it, it isn’t train wreck fascinating. Not a dead girl or a live boy, then he’s not much of a Republican.

It’s Your Affair. I Don’t Care!

I do not care if you are straight,
I do not care if you are gay.
You might have ravaged Barbara Bush
or cunnilingled Tina Fey.
(It’s not my beeswax- either way!)

Maybe you’re the kind of priest
To preach the scourge of getting head.
And now the news on CNN is
Fellateurs camped in your bed.
(I don’t care! Hear what I said?)

All this may be of deep concern
To your famous, lovely wife.
But please do not presume to think
I’m wont to share conjugal strife.

I do not care how much you spent
To get your wiener where it went.
('Tween you and me, you randy gent,
It’s more than I pay for my rent!)

There is a man quite good at golf,
With girlfriends everywhere he goes.
He does contrast with Santa Claus,
Who calls it good with just three “HO!”'s.

They say he splooged upon her dress.
I bet he made a fucking mess.
But why should I consume the day
Matriculating his distress?
(I do not care is my best guess)

Or maybe you’re a circus freak
Who flies upon the high trapeze
And bangs three women every night
Simultaneously. With ease!

You may have sucked a bag of dicks
or boned a hundred thousand chicks.
Let me say, 'fore I digress,
Chill out folks,* it’s only sex!*

You might have fucked a rabid goat,
Then sucked your discharge from its throat.
Yes its true I’m not that gross,
But who has time, or need, to gloat?
(I do not care, nay not one mote)

You may have shaved your snapper bare,
Or streaked, and styled, your pubic hair.
I still care not about your twat!
Not one iota! Not a jot.
(and in this case a jot’s a lot)

Four score and seven years ago
Our founding fathers made it so.

But now they want you to resign
For what you did with that poor MILF.
Recall that was not my design
If/when I get some for myself!

Do not care, not then not now.
I do not care, oh boy, and how!