Let's Rename Florida "Target"

I mean, damn, you guys are having all the bad luck this season with the hurricanes, and you can’t even begin to assess the damage from one before you’ve got to batten down because another’s headed your way. At the rate things are going, there’s not going to be much left. I certainly wouldn’t blame you if you guys renamed the state “Target,” hung a giant bullseye over the capital, and moved into underground bunkers year round.

Okay Targetfan , which of the Floridian dopers do you expect to chime in and be all like “hell, yeah! What an excellent idea!”? I’m fortunate to live in a place that is not prone to hurricanes as I’m gonna guess you are. When you have friends and family waiting in line at Home Depot for 3-4 hours for stuff like plywood, makes you thankful that you don’t need to rename your home “pile of sticks, memories, dead children, spouses and pets”.

You have a gazillion something post count. What are you doing in here kicking puppies?

Sometimes you have diffuse tradgedy with humor. Lighten up. They know it’s a joke. I am sure the whole country thought the same thing when they heard of Ivan and Jeanne…“WTF…another one? What did Florida do…oh yeah…they messed up the last Presidential election!”

Didn’t you think that??

It’s cool with this Floridian. :cool:

Hell, humor helps get us through this mess . . .

Hell, I’ll shut up now. I guess I just didn’t find it particularly amusing.

My bad.

It reminded me of one of Gary Larson’s Far Side cartoons in which he depicts two deer, standing side by side in the forest, and they are both looking down at targets drawn on their chests.

The caption reads: “These new uniforms suck.”


While we’re at it, let’s rename Indiana “WalMart”.

I thought it was the two deer looking at a bullseye on one deer’s chest, and the other saying “Bummer of a birthmark, Hal.”

That’s the one I remember too. Although I do remember some panel where the punchline was “These new uniforms suck.” Can’t remember which it was though.

Because puppy kicking is so much fun?

Oh, and because wearing live kittens as slippers is messy and culturally frowned upon?

Naw… I’m voting for “Indiana - Industrial Armpit of America!”

Hell, I thought it was funny - and I’m in the middle of number two, for this area.

A friend of mine got a whole-house generator - he couldn’t get the people in to install it until Wednesday. He thought that’d be fine. Is he upset? Nope, he’s laughing about it, and about the tree that may well drop on his house because he couldn’t hire anybody to get it down in time.

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

[hijack] I have a friend who lives in northeast Ocala north of Silver Springs Blvd. How are things in that area?[/hijack]

Actully, just yesterday I was thinking.

“Has Florida always been a Hurricane Magnet or this a recent thing?”

Not horrible, not great. I’m pretty sure s/he has no power; according to an EMT I talked to earlier, the hotel I work at is in about the only area that has juice.
On the other hand, the winds haven’t been too bad, relatively speaking; sustained about 25mph, with gusts to maybe 50. Lots of rain and such, so I hope they’re not in a low spot.

I saw a picture of a house in Florida. Out in front was a sign that read:

1 - Charley

2 - Frances

3 - Ivan

4 - Sale


Thanks much.

Pittsburgh is gonna be mad at you for stealing their slogan.

This is a true story.

When Ponce De Leon came ashore, he was suprised to find a sliver haired old lady driving aggressively up and down the beaches in her 1988 Oldsmobile (with the left blinker on). As Ponce tried to merge onto the beach, the woman accelerated and nearly killed him.

At this Ponce spoke up. “Old woman” said he “Why must you be this way”. She flipped him the bird, and said “You don’t want to live here”. We’ve got mosquitos the size of chicken hawks, we’ve got poisonous snakes, lizards, plants, and bugs. We’re a giant swamp and we’re so close to sea level that a ten foot wave could go accross the entire state. We’re all close to death, so our religion is like our medication: bitter. You can swim in the air in the summer, and in the winter Canadians in speedos swim in the ocean. There’s no fountain of youth, and to look around here, you’d think the opposite is true. We get hurricanes, tornados, and when it rains you’d be dryer standing under a fire hose. It’s cold enough to make frost, but none of us have any heaters. Our major form of architecture is the trailer home, and several people die a year due to golf cart injuries.

“But why do you live here my dear woman?” Ponce said.

“We don’t got no Income Tax” she replied.

“Oh.” Ponce ventured. “Do they accept Latinos?”

5 - Jeanne

Another Floridian checking in. Thanks for sticking up for us, Pessor, but as gallows humor goes this was pretty gentle. There have been less funny and more insensitive threads started. Even with all of the damage and annoyance we’ve not suffered nearly as much as some nearby island nations when it comes to loss of life.

If there is anyone checking in who wants to help out, I’d personally suggest donations to hurricane victims in Haiti, Bahamas, etc., before you worry about us. At least this country can afford a decent support structure. We’ll be back on our feet and screwing up the '04 election before you can say “recount”.