It is actually kind of amusing to me that I’m being told not to do this. I’m amused because that makes it seem like people think I’d have a chance at something like this. From my eyes, it is an impossibility; or at least very, very unlikely.
I honestly believe that I could be rather easily seduced. In 36 years that hasn’t happened yet, so fortunately it isn’t likely to start now. If I told you my marriage is a good one, I doubt you’d believe me, but there it is. Can a happily married man be seduced? I think so, under the right circumstances. Will I ever be? No. See above.
I am curious about the world outside what I’ve known. I’m not hiding that. I’d be surprised if others haven’t wondered it as well. But as I’ve said, I have no intentions of pursuing it. In thinking about it, though, I wondered how people do start down that road. Some people just seem more prone to it than others and I wondered what is so different for them.
AudreyK have you been that woman? I think it’s pretty foolish to judge other people’s motivations when you haven’t been there.
At the risk of being totally villified, I was the other woman. He was a friend. There came a day where I realized that he wanted much more than friendship and I had to decide if it would be worth it. Would the brief happiness of the relationship be worth the pain and humiliation when it ended? I made my decision based on the depth of my feelings, not because of a lack of respect for myself.
If someone no longer loves their spouse, they should be responsible and end the marriage before shopping for a new love- but sometimes it just doesn’t work that way.
Feh, I got hit on more than I ever did when I was married! I even got hit on when I was alone with my infant son. And I wasn’t even looking for an affair.
As I said earlier, it ain’t happened yet, and despite claims that “past performance is not an indication of future results”, I think in this case they probably are. I have no clear answer why not, just a feeling and guesses why not.
If I had to try and spell it out, I’d say it’s because if someone were interested in me, they would likely have no clue I were interested in them. I’m too shy that way. As others have said, you don’t dip your pen in the company ink, and I’m very careful to avoid anything that could be construed as sexual harassment in anyway. She would have to be rather bold and have little enouragement for it to proceed.
Second, I think I’m seen to be as dedicated as they come. For the most part, they would be right. There are those that claim the second part might be considered a draw to some women, just to see if they could. That might be true. But to most, I think it would just be one more reason not to pursue it.
wagnoid, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having the thoughts you’ve been having, or wanting to feel desired by someone else other than your spouse. I hope you don’t take
Guinastasia’s post to heart. None of us are living the perfect life.
Why do you think it’s an an impossibility? Do you feel that unlovable?
I didn’t find any offense in Guin’s post in the least. She just expressed an opinion it should not be done and that it is distasteful to her. I don’t even disagree with that.
Despite being married for 12 years, it has not proven to make women more determined to get me. C’est la vive.
I’m not feeling particularly at a loss for that, although I will admit that having had a single lover in my life does make me wonder what else there is to experience.
So I’ll put this in perspective for you if I can…
bob down the hall seems to have an affair about every other month -> I wonder how he manages that? -> how do married men manage to find women interested in an affar?
Yeah, yeah… you can tell me they lie and scam and whatever, but I’ve personally known several situations where that just wasn’t the case.
There is not a factual answer to this, I realize. It would be like asking what makes one guy so much more desired than another. It is really hard to pinpoint, which is why this is here and not in GQ.
If I were serious about wanting to cheat, I’d have no idea where to begin. Fortunately for me and my wife, I’d likely never succeed, either.
In our suburban paper there are quite a few personal ads from married men looking for “discreet” females. I’m not sure how many answers they get though.
I can tell you that even if you think you are not a likely candidate to be hit on, it can happen.
I was married 15 years. My ex was a Foreman in a construction type business. There was a woman in the office who had a lot of problems and was a “victim”. She would complain about having anorexia, anxiety and abuse from her husband. My ex was sympathetic and decided he would help save her.
Needless to say we are divorced. Funny thing is… she was having an affair with the Office Manager and he told her he would not leave his wife for her and so she freaked out and clung to my ex even more. This caused a discrepancy between his boss the office manager and himself. Less than 2 months after he left me to be with her he was fired.
He would have never expected a woman to hit on him, but she is truly mental and needed him to get away from her ex.
In the mean time she also got away from her 3 daughters that at the time were 2, 8 and 10 years old and could not keep a job ( she left the job they were both working at by leaving a suicide note) When really I think her ex needed to be away from her.
Evidently she has recanted him being abusive except in one instance when he caught her a year before their last child was born having sex in a truck with another man.
So, be careful what you wish for and never say never. Evidently desperation can make a person do anything.
That’s it? That’s the only explanation you can give? “Sometimes it doesn’t work that way?” There’s a reason it sometimes works that way. Because people make decisions. And the rest of us have opinions about these decisions. And AudreyK (and I) have opinions.
How about a reason like, “I didn’t care that I was helping him betray his wife.” Or, “I decided that helping him betray his wife was worth it because being with him made me feel good.” Or something. I don’t know what your specific situation was, but, as I mentioned earlier, consider yourself villified.
Oh fer chrissakes yosemitebabe get off your high-horse. It’s a wonder you can breathe up there: the oxygen levels must be pretty thin way up there in the stratosphere of ethical superiority.
You DON’T know what Mamapotumus’ situation was, so for you to cast such loaded slurs against her is out of line, IMHO. It is so wonderful that you are soooo morally superior that you are able to make judgement on others’ ‘motivations’.
Affairs happen for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, just sometimes, they may even serve to SAVE a marriage that would otherwise have been doomed. While personally I have made my own ‘vows’ re extramarital liaisons, I would not choose to be so sanctimonious as to ram my views down someone else’s throat.
Especially as vows like this have a funny habit of being broken…
“Slurs”? Where? Did I call her a slut? Did I call her a whore? Did I call her a “poopy-head”? No.
I made a judgment and formed an opinion, based on her post. I never said I knew her movitvations (you did read that part of my post, right?). I just said that “sometimes these things happen” is not going to hack it. That’s not much of reason at all, IMO.
We all pass judgment on each other. I am not the first, I won’t be the last. God forbid I be allowed to form an opinion. :rolleyes:
Sigh. The stuff about “Would the brief happiness of the relationship be worth the pain and humiliation when it ended?” And she decided yes. I formed an opinion on that. Where was the wife in all this? Do I know all the details of the affiar? Clearly not. Do I ponder that perhaps she decided that the “depth of her feelings” made it OK for her to help this man betray his wife? Yes, I do ponder that. Do I KNOW what she felt? Of course not.
So, basically you know nothing about her situation yosemitebabe yet you are able to villify her? Pray tell how you can justify this?
Your moral high-ground must be incredibly rarified. I’ve heard that oxygen deprivation does strange things to ones reasoning faculties. Care to share??
Throw in sense of humor, and you’ve pretty much described my ideal man and that of most of my female friends and a couple of my male friends.
However, I am adamantly opposed to adultery. A family friend of ours wanted to be loved and admired, and he found a woman who was willing to do it. His wife still loved him and was devastated when he walked out on her. Around that time, a decent looking intelligent, funny nerd expressed his undying devotion to me. Since I’d found out from mutual friends that he was married, not only did I refuse to have an affair with him, it pretty much killed off any chance of us having a friendship.
Is there a chance your wife’s feeling the same way about wanting to be loved and admired? Have you considered trying something completely out of the blue, picking her up at a bar, pretending she’s a stranger? This is your problem, wagnoid. Please try to find a different solution. If you want someone who thinks your wonderful, there is the old standby solution – buy a dog.
