Besides, if they called it by its real name, South Saskatchewan, people would be really confused. (It’s where people from Regina go to get warm in the winter. 
)
The Nigerian scam originated with an actual case of someone recruiting a stranger to help smuggle $250,000 worth of diamonds and gold bullion out of an African country after a coup. The original person was killed while the transaction was in process, and the loot remains unclaimed in a warehouse, hidden in a box of machine parts.
Flat-panel monitors have been secretly sold at a significant loss for years, after the companies that produced CRT monitors discovered and suppressed evidence that they were responsible for a variety of ailments among office workers using them for extended periods.
Here’s the Brimley one showcasing some classic Sampiro stuff.
It’s a myth that if you drink a gallon of milk in an hour the sun will explode. In fact it will only expand out to the orbit of Mars.
3 Things You Didn’t Know About France
In France, a condemned man may still choose to be executed by guillotine, but only with the consent of his wife.
The French have no word for poodle.
The French use their left hands to masturbate. This is why you should never touch a French person with your left hand – it is considered very rude. My cousin was in a restaurant in Paris and he made the mistake of handing his credit card to the waitress with his left hand. She cursed at him, wiped her vagina with the card, and handed it back. This is true!
I don’t know about 20 years, but there are chips that are much faster than the ones in your PC. It’s just that they’re far more expensive than silicon. Gallium arsenide - Wikipedia
The reason the Big Three are in so much financial trouble is that they have secretly been financing the building of secure bunkers in remote areas around the world in preparation for the day that their long-running scheme that lead to global warming comes to fruition. Why are they doing this? To eliminate the competition from foreign automakers, of course!
The term “CrackBerry” when used to refer to a BlackBerry is actually frighteningly accurate. The devices emit a very low frequency signal via Bluetooth that quickly forms an addictive response in the user.
Okay; here are some examples of his credulity:
- he believes he can train himself to live on sunlight alone as nourishment
- there has been a massive cover-up of high-ranking air force personnel talking about all the UFOs and aliens they’ve seen
- the government is trying to take all the privately-owned guns away from Americans
- Planet X
- the World Trade Center buildings couldn’t have fallen from just airplanes hitting them
- the Iraq war is an American conspiracy to take control of the world’s oil
(He’s a bright guy, but he smokes a lot of dope, I suspect.)
So, what urban legend could we tell someone with his particular pathologies to really get him wound up?
People can live on sunlight as nourishment–but not sunlight alone. Even plants need water, air, and trace minerals from the soil, and a photovoric human would need no less.
A secret government initiative to develop photovoric soldiers revealed that they needed much larger lung capacity as well as regular mineral supplements, though they could get by by rooting themselves in the soil naked for twenty hours a day if supplements were unavailable.
And photovorism isn’t something one attains by yoga and strength of will. Elaborate genetic treatment was required to reconfigure test subjects’ bodies, creating the photosynthesizing cells under their skins, and rearranging quite a few other things. Ultimately, a tailored retrovirus proved capable of performing these modifications to the human body. An early, uncontrolled, and quite dangerous version of the retrovirus escaped; we know it today as HIV. (The selective targeting of dark-skinned people was an error; the virus was intended to seek light-skinned people since their skins are more transparent and thus more suitable for photosynthesis.)
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This work followed directly on from Nazi research during the Second World War. In the US, it took place at isolated camps in the Southwest. Many of the test subjects lived at the camps all of their lives. For a time, was desired that the test subjects not be able to mingle with the outside world, so they were taught Esperanto and lived their lives in Esperanto. This explains the US Army’s use of Esperanto; the maneuver exercises described in the link were a cover story. (I have seen Field Manual FM 30-101-1; there’s a copy in the Toronto public library.)
I’ve been trying to get this started for years …
Little known fact: the idea of handicapped parking was first conceived in the 1960s in Canada. Spaces were marked with a large letter “G”, which meant “gimp”. However, there was protest: not from offended handicapped people, but rather from French-Canadians, because the letter symbolized an English word. Thus, the wheelchair symbol was born. The symbol was designed in a way to allow easy modification of already-painted “G” spaces, converting the letter into a wheelchair with a few extra lines
If you drink with a cracked lip from a cracked cup, you will at once catch a disease as unmentionable as it is unpronounceable.
Obama is Dubya’s illegitimate son with a black hooker. The ears are a dead giveaway.
I hope nobody believes this one . . .
WARNING!! – ASIAN LAUGHING RAT
A new rat species has been reported in the United States – the “Asian Laughing Rat”, previously found only in China. This is a warning to all U.S. homeowners: the Laughing Rat’s fur carries a powerful allergen, 10 times more potent than poison ivy and 100 times more potent than ordinary pet dander. 40% of all Caucasians may experience a life-threatening anaphylactic reaction to this allergen because of lack of exposure to the chemical during infancy! The Asian Laughing Rat is highly aggressive and invasive and is known to displace other rat species in homes and buildings!
Many suburban neighborhoods throughout North America contain so-called “gang houses” – these appear to be ordinary homes with normal families living in them, but are actually owned and controlled by gangs! They are identified by a flagpole outside the house with an American flag with one star painted black. IF YOU SEE ONE OF THESE FLAGS, LEAVE THE NEIGHBORHOOD IMMEDIATELY! Do not go down that street again, and do not attempt to go to the authorities – you may be followed!!
The fact that the US economy always goes bad in October is proof that witches exist and hate the USA.
This one is really, really good- but makes too much sense. 
When Ouija boards were first introduced, customers complained of terrifying experiences while using them. Some people were even reported to have died of fear after playing with a Ouija board at a party! So the manufacturers removed one letter from the boards, and the experiences stopped. This is why Ouija boards are now required by law to have one letter missing.
That’s really good, but I don’t think he’d go for it, since he already believes that humans can live on sunshine if they just want it bad enough.
I like the “gimp” one.
The canola is a small rodent native to Canada. As a defense mechanism, it secretes oil when squeezed.
The secret swearing-in ceremony is conducted before the Pope. Don’t you read Jack Chick tracts?
A cabal of gay men in the FDA is manipulating hormone levels in milk so as to upset the hormone balance in babies and infants, making them grow up gay.
Mexicans working in meatpackling plants deliberately contaminate Vienna sausages with rat meat to show their contempt for gringos.
The Rodney King riot was a hoax. The authorities needed to cover up the nuclear power plant meltdown that destroyed much of Los Angeles.
Ernest Hemingway was actually Mark Twain’s illegitimate son.
The Nazi party started out as a plot by British intelligence to gain control of Germany, but it backfired badly. Hitler was a British spy who turned rogue and struck out on his own once he realized he didn’t need any more support from MI5 to stay in power. George Bernard Shaw actually wrote Mein Kampf.
Exposure to green ink causes insanity.
Cranberry juice mixed with garlic juice will give woman wild, uncontrollable sexual urges. They will literally have unihibited, unrestrained sex with any man present. The problem is getting them to drink it.